#10
20th Aug 2014 at 6:07 PM
Last edited by PANDAQUEEN : 21st Aug 2014 at
1:21 AM.
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
I hope it works out for them and you. Having your mother around does take some of the pressure off of you, at least. I'm hoping for the best scenario for you.
Do you feel that you have a "daddy complex" as they say? If you aren't getting what you need from your dad, I guess that could be a possible explanation.
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Well, my mother has considered finding a third parent to care for me because I'm such a powerhouse in terms of energy and ideas.
My "daddy complex" started to form when my father started traveling for Microsoft when I was 10 and it was made solid when I was 12-13 and I was watching "Bill Nye the Science Guy" religiously on a network that no longer exists, especially when the "Heart" lesson would come on, my heart would beat a little fast as I'd see Dr. Nye, stripped down to shorts, getting a heart sonogram. My dad had been somewhat cold during my teen years, like he was not himself because he'd spend 14 days a month every month traveling. That and his constant absences made it hard to connect face-to-face.
I think it's more of I go after men old enough to pass for my father for romantic\sexual and pragmatic reasons. (I want an experienced man in my life and one that can help me in the event I need to be driven.)
So, if I WAS EVEN ABLE to bring Scott McNeil home, I would be met with some derision and turn red from both embarrassment and rage as my parents tell the embarrassing stories from my childhood. (I was the type of toddler who'd go streaking and, to add insult to injury, throw my dirty diaper in the wading pool. That's the most embarrassing of the bunch. Did I top your embarrassing toddler moment, everyone?)
In short, I need a third parent, even if I'm 27 and I admit that I do have a "daddy complex".
Today, I have to clean my room so a professional photographer can get the idea that my room is livable (It's a nightmare in reality.)
Tonight, mom's probably going back to where she was hiding.
"If I dream tonight, it may be of Scott holding me in his arms, whispering in Duo Maxwell's voice sweet words into my ears and I'd reply back as Maria Robotnik (during Sonic Adventure 2) as I am seated on the inside of his forearms (Duo Maxwell and Maria Robotnik were space colonists in their respective franchises. Besides, I have the ability to mimic the sickly girls and yes, Scott is roughly 13" taller than me, so carrying me would be needed instead of him stooping down.) Even if it was a crowded street in Seattle's winters, where rain is a constant, I'd listen as he'd carry me to the car and got me home to change out of my wet clothing. Once home and dry, I get to see him before he leaves to do work in the home studio I had set up for my work. I take my night pills and as I'm about to doze off, he takes a break to make sure I am warm, kissing me goodnight the way only a lover can."
But that's the nature of dreams: They defy the laws of the universe and are perfectly legal at last check.
The situation changed a little, because the plea bargain I made with my mother this morning will result in one of two things: (1) mom stays and we move to Marysville (two towns over) or (2) mom leaves and dad and I move to Marysville. I can only guarantee one or the other will happen, but I'm unsure which one.
My height for those wondering? I'm 5'3" and Scott is 6'4". So kissing is an inherent problem for a couple with one short partner and one tall partner. (Trust me, CMAR_nyc's height slider is a good way to explain this)
Still, I dumped Bill Nye in my mental world for Scott. I guess I find Scott a little more wild (long hair, muscular arms, piercings, dresses like a Kid Rock impersonator and with a job that requires speaking with vocal alteration, kissing is a default skill earned through the work he does.) and I can "train him like a dog" with donuts and ginger ale.
The fact I've been seeking excitement myself is obvious.
I never said I wanted to be THIS normal and be in a divorced family situation. The majority of my peers didn't have a choice. Neither do I except for the few I got to make regarding where to live and who to live with (I chose Marysville due to services and instead of two others: One filled with society's untouchables if you turn the wrong corner and the other had iffy to no services to help me) and I chose dad out of my commitment to him as an addict leading an addict. Besides, my father was the first person to hold me when I was first born. He made a commitment of justice that is fatherhood on that day 27 years ago. As his child, now grown, I have to help him right now!
Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)
(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)