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Test Subject
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#1 Old 9th Apr 2017 at 6:30 AM
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This story is based on "Six Feet Under" and Showtime's "The Borgias". The Borgias are Sims and they want to run a funeral parlor instead of Rome. This was written after the abrupt cancellation of "The Borgias", the demise of which I did not handle well at the time, apparently.



"Vanessa Diaz—how are you?"

"Vanessa? Wow, it's been a long time, how are you? Your sons?"

"Everybody is fine. Thank you again for all of your help with Federico—I never would have gotten through that without you."

"Oh, Vanessa, hey...God I miss him...preaching to the choir, I know."

"Yeah, but I'm okay...I can't believe it's been five years already."

"I know. So...what's going on? How can I help you? I hope not in an official capacity..."

"Oh, no, nothing like that...well, kinda..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like this: the boys have shown, like, zero interest in helping me to keep the business going..."


"I'm gonna sell, David, I have potential buyers and everything: mother, father, son..."

"So...what's the problem?"

"Well, for one thing, I don't understand a damn word they say..."

"Where are they from?"

"Some place called Pleasantville..."

"Here in America?"

"I'm not really sure."

Okay, I don't understand—if you don't understand them how have you even conducted business with them?"

"Coulda had something to do with the cash they put on the table—ten thousand over what I was asking—can you believe that shit?"

"Wow. So the deal is done?"

"It should be, I've had no other offers that even came close to what I was asking for."

"Okay, I don't understand how I can help or even need to—why don't you just take the deal, Vanessa?"

"Because I'm not sure what their plans are; Federico and I grew this business with a lot of love and there's a lot of love in this community for our business; I just want to make sure these new people understand what's at stake, here. You know what I mean, and you're lucky because your boys embraced the family business."

"True, but who knows if their children will? Look, I feel you, Vanessa, really I do, but again I ask you, what do you want me to do?"

"Would you come by my place and meet the buyers with me? Tell me what kind of vibe you get? Tell me if you think I'm making the right move?"

"Sure, I can do that. When?"

The following week Vanessa met with her prospective buyers again, with David Fisher at her side.

"Come on into my office, everyone..." Vanessa led the group into her modest office; when everyone was seated she made the introductions.

"Mr. Rodrigo Borgia, this is my good friend, David Fisher—my late husband used to work for him before he started his own business here...David, this is Rodrigo Borgia, his wife, Vannozza, and their son, Cesare."

"Hello..." David greeted them.

"Sul sul!" the two elder Borgia's replied.

"Hooba noobie?" said their handsome son with a cool nod of his head.

David shot a very confused look at Vanessa, who smiled nervously at him with a look on her face that said, "See what I mean?"

"Uh, it's nice to meet you..." David gave a crooked little nervous smile at them and then looked uncomfortably at Vanessa again. "Uh, Vanessa is like family to me," he began when he turned to face them again, "and this business means a lot to her; selling it is like saying goodbye to a family member, as well—so I'm just here for her support—I think you can understand?"

"Ah...docka morpher..." Rodrigo Borgia said through steepled fingers and a solemn nod of his head. He was a stunning old chap with a wise, deep, imposing voice; there was a reverence in his voice that David found calming and quite pleasing even though he didn't know what the fuck the man was saying.

"Voya la seiya—leito mansanya?" asked Vannozza of Vanessa then.


Vannozza put her purse on the table, opened it up and retrieved several banded stacks of bills from it. "Leito mansanya?" she asked again with a smile.

"Uh..." Vanessa looked a confused question at David.

"Uh—would you kindly excuse us for a moment?" David asked them.

"Simenehcum neneh," Rodrigo smiled at him.

David and Vanessa smiled at the family as they left the room and closed the door quietly behind them.

"What the fuck, David?" Vanessa asked him frantically, trying to keep her frustration and her voice in check. "What the fuck am I doing? Am I crazy to even be trying to talk to these people?"

"Look, calm down—I get a really good vibe from them, believe it or not; Mister Borgia seems genuine..."

"But how do I know that they're not going to turn this place into a stripper club or something?"

"Well, I think having a cold chamber and embalming room in your club might be a little off-putting to the strippers and potential customers, Vanessa, don't you think?"

"I'm just sayin'..."

"Look, I think you're okay, here..."

"But what about the language barrier? I've never heard that language before..."

"Neither have I, but clearly they understand English; they must have some kind of plan, Vanessa, and whatever it is, well—just don't worry about it."

"But David—"

"Look, either you want to keep trying to do this alone or you don't; I know you've been having a hard time since Federico died and I know how hard it is to find good employees, let alone experts like he was; the boys refuse to take over the reins—you can't keep it up alone, Vanessa. These people are ready to buy—let them do their thing and go on and retire in peace."

"Hey, don't say 'retire in peace', David," she said disgustedly.

"You know what I mean," he gave her a reprimanding look.

"Okay, okay—but if I find out later—"

"Stop it," he cut her off as he pushed her back toward her office, "take the deal."

"Thank you for your patience..." Vanessa smiled awkwardly at the Borgia's when she and David re-entered her office.

Rodrigo and Vannozza each smiled back warmly; the son only looked at them dourly, impatience burning in his eyes and a scowl forming slowly on his face.

"Leito mansanya?" Cesare asked then through tight lips, as if he was trying mightily to control his temper.

"Uh, yeah—leito mansanya—right Vanessa?" David prodded her.

"I guess we have a deal—leito mansanya," she said as she held out her hand to meet Rodrigo Borgia's outstretched one.

"Ah! Kaymolando! Vadish." Rodrigo exclaimed happily as he and his family rose to leave.

"Well...okay...the paperwork should be finalized in about a month or so and I'll be all cleared out," Vanessa said, sounding as shocked as she looked.

Rodrigo gave an understanding nod of his head. "Vadish." He held his hand out to her again. "Dag dag."

Vannozza and Cesare waved their goodbyes and the three of them left.

"What the fuck just happened?" Vanessa asked David then.

"You just sold the business. Try to breathe now..." David said as he smiled down sympathetically at her.
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