#26
17th Oct 2015 at 2:20 AM
Last edited by simmer22 : 17th Oct 2015 at
3:05 AM.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's in the name, really. It says nothing what so ever about only being caused by traumatic war experieneces, but instead incorporates any big reaction that comes well after a traumatic experience. It's also not a 'normal' reaction to trauma, because not everyone gets PTSD after a trauma. Basically, everyone has some reaction while in or directly after a trauma (like shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, and so on), and that's normal. It's a way to deal with the situation, and is the process the brain uses to move on.
PTSD is in essence a belated reaction, months or even years after the trauma happened. It's often triggered by events that reminds the person about the trauma they went through, and causes symptoms like nightmares, flashbacks, situation avoidance, stress reactions and panic attacks. It's often triggered by not remembering the situation clear enough, or more or less unconsciously 'putting off' the reaction for another day, until it builds up so much in the unconscious mind that one day it just bursts. The more you try not to think about a situation, the worse those flashbacks might influence you. The best therapy for PTSD is usually to talk about it with someone who has experience on the field of PTSD, by opening up the locked box of memories to examine them more closely. The easier it gets to talk about the difficult things, the more you manage to deal with it, because you understand more of why you have those particular reactions and thoughts that cause your PTSD symptoms. Resilience is also an important facor. Some people are just better equipped mentally, physically and/or supportively to get through traumas than other people, and for that reason won't develop PTSD.
Understanding is often the key to dealing with mental issues. There's a good reason exposure therapy and psycho-education is much used as therapy. With education you start understanding why you do what you do, and get tools for thinking differently about it. By repeated exposure to uncomfortable situations they will eventually become less uncomfortable, and in the end they'll be so 'boring' you're not afraid of them any longer (talking about the trigger situaitons is also a form of exposure). That doesn't mean it's easy to deal with mental issues (far from it), but it is possible to train yourself away from several of them, or at the very least learn to deal with them so you can function in everyday life.
I don't have a formal PTSD diagnosis (I've had a bunch of issues - it's just a big mix of things without a clear 'this is it' diagnosis - it's amazing what the darkest corners of my brain have picked up through 20-something years), but I've had enough of traumatic episodes to trigger it in some form. I was bullied at school, and lost my brother when I was still a bit too young to fully understand it. When I was younger I had episodes where I would just start crying uncontrollably or hyperventilating, often triggered by some minor thing that caused some kind of unconscious flashback. Logically, I knew that the situation wasn't dangerous or sad, but my instincts reacted without any rationality what so ever. I also had lots of repeating nightmares.
To this day I still have troubles with playing sports that involve balls bigger than tennis balls (I was the main target in gym classes, particularly soccer), and the smell of hay in other situations that being in a stable reminds me of death (When my brother died, we had the coffin at our house for some days, which may be the reason. I only recently learned that they use hay at the bottom of coffins). I also cry easily, although no longer as uncontrollably as before, and I've now got a few techniques to stop the crying if I feel it coming on (drinking some water, breathing, directing my thoughts in other directions). So yeah. It took me 20 years to understand why the smell of hay bothered me, and I'm not the one you'd pick out for a game of soccer if you want to win (although I'm okay at badminton and indoor bandy). I think the PTSD may have been the start for me. Without those triggers I probably wouldn't have bursts of social anxiety, various phobias, OCD behavior, periods of depression, or performance anxiety, trust issues, or any of the other issues I've struggled with. I am however learning to deal with it. It's been a very lengthy process, but at least I'm getting somewhere.
The nightmare thing is actually rather weird. I used to have nightmares about our livingroom furnace being some kind of monster, always out to get me, particularly at night. My childish brain came to the conclusion that if I walked in a strange route to avoid the direct path through the living room, I wouldn't have nightmares. I also stopped liking the colors blue, black, brown and grey, plus the number 7, for the very same reason (I still have absolutely no clue why they'd be related). Counting steps, and being out of the bathroom before the toilet had stopped making noises were also strange things I did. I'd also have nightmares about a giant spider (think Aragog times ten, and you're just about there) on the school roof. I think I was somewhere around 13-14 when I stopped with the route, but the other things followed me until I moved out. I still feel the urge to do those things once in a while, but realizing those were OCD-related, superstitious behaviors do help. They simply don't have anything to say for the outcome of anything, and neither the universe nor anybody else even cares whether or not I like the color blue. In fact, I happen to like it now. Rationally, anyway. Some illogical dark corner of my mind still insists it doesn't like blue, but for the most part I choose to ignore it.
Somewhat unrelated - my sense of time. If I wake up in the morning without the alarm on, I can more or less predict within an hour what the clock is, without looking at the clock first (anything between 6 am and 3 pm, really). However, my cicadian rhythm is all over the place. I can feel tired at 2 pm but still be awake 4 am, or be fully awake at 6 am but half asleep at 7 am, and my brain is rarely fully awake until earliest 11 am, regardless of how well or how much or little I slept. Some days 4 hours of sleep is enough, and other days my brain insists 12 hours isn't enough. I think I've always been like this, but it did get worse a few years back when my rhythm really was ruined.