I always tell my problems to my houseplants. I notice a lot of them have been looking a bit sad lately!

I feel like I been seeing old boyfriends in my dreams. I had an assortment of men in my life beyond family.

From guys who look like bodybuilding creeps, but deep down they're geeky in sound design to businessmen with no one else in their lives so they dote, swoon, fawn, bend over backwards to make me smile (that's a tall order when you're neurologically impaired and smiling isn't normal), I had a motley crew of exes.

I worry that having these emotions make me feel out of touch and I am all alone. Maybe that was why I was crying last week.

I'm sorry your plants are on the sad side. Have you tried leaving the radio on the classical station?

Haven't tried classical, but they seem to like Plantasia. And when I stop talking to them! :lovestruc

Venting to an AI and venting to plants produce wildly varied and dramatic results.

Insomnia all night. I didn't sleep until around 2am. Woke up at 4am Adam is snoring so loud the baby wakes up, i wake him up and tell him he's snoring and to move onto his side. About 10 mins later he's on his back again and snoring even more loud and obnoxiously and I'm so tired and I wake him up again more annoyed. Repeat another 2 times before I'm not so pleasant about the snoring. He storms off downstairs to sleep on the sofa. We usually have a rule where we're each responsible for a child's night waking. But then Ivy wakes up and he's asleep downstairs with his snoring so he doesn't hear it. So I quickly get her and just bring her into our bed because she felt a little fevery. Bad idea. From about 5am she would wake every 15-30 mins to let out a scream and then go back to sleep. But obviously that woke the baby up. So basically it was: Ivy screams Elden awake, spend 5 minutes getting him back to sleep, put him down, lie back down, close my eyes... Ivy screams and wakes him up. He ends up in the bed because he sleeps better there and I figure if I'm not getting up, it might not unsettle Ivy. This lasts for about a hour.

Adam comes upstairs to leave for work and Ivy wakes up. Cue her waking every 5 mins again. Shes thirsty. She needs her tablet (but as soon as I put a video on she falls back to sleep, only to wake up again 5 mins later when the screen has turned off again and scream for it again), "i have a runny nose", "Where's Daddy?" (Followed by screaming and "I want my Daddy to come back"). Then she let's out this horrendously loud scream and wakes Elden up. What was she screaming for? "I need you to cuddle me". I'm crying I'm so tired and stressed, which is only making her scream and cry more.

So anyway now its 9am, when we would usually get up... and both kids have finally gone to sleep. I am wide awake though.

I still have those impure implications in my Crushosphere, I ache all over like I got run over, my trillion dollar question is...when will my antidepressants kick in?

Argh! What a miserable time to be alive!

I feel better now. But now I am the other end of manic depressive. First, I had depression, now I am more manic...at least I have life energy.

Can't seem to find that happy medium.

Windows. Again.
So that update issue that's been annoying me for the past over a year now? well, today a thingy appeared in the task manager that made me suspect the update had a slightly higher chance than a drop in the ocean to go through, so I decided to give it a chance, because I'm so tired of trying to fight that thing and having to turn it off (haven't been able to put that sh*t on monthly pauses for a while now)

14+ hours. 12-ish hours for the background download/install, and 2.5 hours for the restart/blue screen rerolls and "wait a LITTLE BIT" (yeah, Microsoft - 2.5 hours is NOT a LITTLE BIT! It's A LOT! Especially when that 2.5 hours STARTS at 6 am after already waiting 12+ hours for that effing update to go through, not to mention the 14-15 MONTHS of "Nope, nah, nix, neeeeh, ain't going through this time either!"

But it did go through. Finally. So then there's all the cleanup work and figuring out what it enabled that I have to disable (but I can finally pause updates again, so yay!!!). Already had to turn off Cortana and that annoying news widget.

And when I open up Windows update, what do I see?

"Get ready for Windows 11!"

Heck, no.
(I swear, if that message was filled with smileys, puppy-pictures and sunshine, I wouldn't put it past them)

I just don't understand the need for tech companies to infantilize its users completely by having these "cute" error messages. Take the updates for example: "yay omg work queen! Gonna be done soon brb just working on a few things..." What things?...

BSODs at least still have the stop code. But all those mobile app and online error messages, i.e.
Whoops! uwu’
We had a oopsie and our main monkey had a brainfart LOL! Hang on tight while our team do the fixies!

All I'm asking is why is there an error. 404 - someone removed it? 501 - I should check back later? 403 - I can't access it, ever?

^ Ugh, yeah. I wish they could write what the error is for, instead of shrouding it in mysteries. I don't know what an error code 101 is, so I have to search it up, but the inbuilt help program is of absolutely no use because it doesn't even register there's been an error on a good day, and sometimes not even the whole of internet doesn't even know, or at least can't provide a straight answer on what it is and how to fix it.

Been dealing with my share of error codes and weirdness lately, with all this Windows muck... (but at least it's somewhat reliably bad, and to a certain degree pokeable with a stick).

Tripped over the baby gate on my way into the kitchen. My toe was bleeding but I didn't think much of it until about half an hour ago my dog stood on the toe and IT HURT SO BAD. It still hurts now but its more of a slight dull ache. I can move it so I don't think it's broken, but I'll have a gnarly bruise tomorrow.

February sucked the big one, and this past Easter weekend was no fun, either. I'm still kind of in shock from Feb, so I haven't even really been that active anywhere online. I've changed my avatar here from a cat I only knew online to my own special little man, who passed away on the 7th of Feb from kidney failure. Feldie was 17, and I had raised him from a very smol bean on a bottle, so it was super hard. He reached for me as a wee kitten with his little paws, and as I held him in my arms as an old man, he reached for me again as he passed. The very next night, my neighbor, who I was pretty good friends with, passed away suddenly. So, like I said, for a few months now, I've been kind of out of it, in shock. Only now have I been seriously grieving - can't look at kittens online, can't look at pics of Feldie, etc. I have 4 other cats and that is helping, but he was special. He'd sit with me on the desk while I simmed, so simming was even painful. It sucks.

Then this Good Friday, we lost a hen and it HAD to be the one that was the most personable. She was one of those "production" ISA Browns, who are bred by humans to lay eggs forever without a break (nasty!) so this breed tends to have the lifespan of maybe 3 years if you're lucky. She was nearly 4 - so there's something there. You have to feed them a higher protein diet, etc. The poor girl's heart gave out, and my son was the one doing the vigil, as she was his favorite hen, and he was her favorite human. Super hard on both of us.

So yeah, it's been pretty crappy, and I have the distinct feeling that 2022 isn't done crapping on us. Ugh.

I'm just jittery and just wrote a genderbent version of "Stacy's Mom" called "Johnny's Dad".

I write genderbent versions of songs because it always had a patriarchal tone that discouraged women. Two can play that game. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

Phone call after phone call and because I have been declared sick enough to alert the Director of Psychiatry, I am now worried about my fate as a human.

I used to have more freedom in Washington, but ever since I lived in New Jersey after a 10 day cross country trip after 20 years of struggling, they called my father like I was a little girl who got in trouble. Where did the emancipation I once had go?!

I feel like my fate is sealed and I won't be able to leave the tower.

I got temporarily banned on Facebook for dumb reasons again (six days) I'm so sick of Facebook.

The only Meta (FB parent company) product I use is WhatsApp to stay in touch with friends -- everyone's using it, and not enough people want to switch to a non-Meta service, i.e. Telegram so I'm stuck. But hey, at least enough of them stopped using the shitty Facebook Messenger that doesn't even deliver notifications (what's the point of the instant messaging service then?), or worse (better?) -- they've stopped using Instagram to chat. Personally, I find these quasi-anonymous forums much more reliable to chat on than IG.

My FB account is sitting deactivated for a few months now. I told myself if I don't have the need to use it in six months that I'll delete it for good. Will do soon. One major pet peeve I have though is the fact that you can't see majority of content when logged out, be it FB or IG. Not interested in memes here: sometimes certain student activists organizations and similar stuff put their stuff only on those services "because lol everyone has them." Then, certain groups that "are cavemen" (apparently myself) get left behind on important information.

^ I pretty much only use FB for birthday messaging these days, and I honestly didn't want IG but kept being pestered into it (kinda like FB way back when - didn't want it, but "everyone is on, and it's such a great way to keep in touch, and you should get it too!!!" ). FB is a mess of distant relatives I hardly ever see and barely bother with, people from school I haven't talked to for years, people I'm not entirely sure how got on there but I have them from somewhere, and so forth. Don't want that mess again. I've got only a select few on IG, which is to say very close family (but far from everyone) and a few friends. I don't go around following all kinds of stuff or liking this and that, because from experience it creates a lot of junk and distractions (just a couple days ago, one cat video led to an hour thrown away on short videos... yeah - maybe I don't need another distraction-maker in my life ).

IG is a kind of slightly less annoying way to keep in touch with that one friend I've kept FB around for (I've never had FB on my phone, and kept forgetting to log on for a month or two in a row... makes it kinda hard to keep in touch. With IG at least I can chat a bit easier). I still don't like IG - WAY too many ads, and they're not as easy to get rid of as on a computer. Never was a big fan of FB either (but that one has games, and after I managed to wean off those, I don't want to be tempted back on - that was one giant rabbit hole I don't want to fall back into...).

I don't think there's a lot of Important information on FB or IG or any of the chatting services on a general basis that you can't find elsewhere, and a lot of what you supposedly miss out on is probably stuff you don't really need to know or can find in other ways. Most of what you see in those short videos on IG or read in articles on FB, you probably forget anyway. It's mostly the fear of missing out that's getting to people.

I'd rather have a chatting service that doesn't gather information about people and their habits, but is there really such a thing nowadays?

I reported someone a few days ago for calling my friend derogatory misogynistic names and Facebook told me today that that doesn't go against their policy

I was diagnosed with hypnagogic dreaming. I have been dealing with some issues with my parents and the waking\dreaming worlds.

I am getting a neurosis over this.

Powerout at home that somehow took internet without us knowing how (changing a fuse that went to a completely different area of the house seems to have fixed it - there could be some logic behind it due to some wires and such, but it's still weird). Still no lights for whatever reason - the powerout probably blew a few lightbulbs or some such. It managed to blow off the cover on one of the lamps (probably the reason for the powerout to begin with - the plastic bits on that thing were completely twisted).

Almost getting puked on at work, at least twice. Way too much puke at work today

I'm so upset. Why does trouble always seem to follow us?

I took Ivy to the park today with her doll pram and baby Annabelle. I was sat on the benches with this pram and her doll trying to get Elden to sleep in the carrier when I realised Ivy's slipped away. I go find her and when I came back, some boys (about 11 years old) have grabbed Ivy's toys and are messing with them. Ivy's Ivy so she went right up to the kid and said "hey that's my doll". His friend told him to return it so he did, and then I asked him to apologise. He said "whatever" and walked off. I looked at Ivy and I said that I was sorry ad he was naughty and I think its about time we went home. The boy heard me say this and him and his friends start calling me names. Ivy didn't know what was going on, so she was trying to walk up to them and touch their bikes and telling them they had pretty bikes as they continue to hurl insults at me and then the ringleader starts threatening Ivy, saying he's going to knock her over with his bike and is moving the wheel in front of her. I asked them how old they were and they said 15 (clearly not true) I asked them why they were trying to bully a 2.5 year old at a park for little kids. They're snearing and copying what I say, and I'm still trying to grab Ivy who is right next to the ring leader as he's inching the bike towards her and saying that she's small enough to go under his wheel. So I say loudly "Can you stop threatening my 2 and a half year old". Because there's several people in the park and I wanted to make sure there were witnesses if they did try to do anything to us. I walked off and an elderly lady I see there regularly shouted that the kids were "disgusting arseholes".

Anyway, they leave the park the same way I was going, and I'm upset anyway and don't want more trouble, especially not in a non-public area. So I called Adam to pick me up. We drive along the beach and I point out the kids, so he stops the car and approaches them and asks for their names and schools so he can contact their parents. The ringleader obviously cycles off but the other 3 kids stayed. We ask on Facebook for witnesses etc and give a quick description of what happened and what the kids looked like and possible names etc and we track down 2 of the parents (turns out 2 of the boys were brothers) and they get their kids to apologise and that's that, we don't take it any further to police because they're 11 and there's no need.

Anyway, this ring leader's Dad messages Adam through facebook and starts threatening him. Turns out someone slashed the kids tyres later that evening and obviously this guy is blaming Adam. It wasn't Adam, I'm guessing these kids are being little shits to someone else and they did it, or worse the kid did it themselves because he knew we were contacting the police. Adam had explained to this man several times, he was at work, he left work to get me, he spoke to the kids and then we went to the supermarket (which has CCTV and we have a recipt. We can prove we were there, which is presumably when the tyres got slashed). He's insistent that he's going to find out where we live and him "and his boys" are going to come round and Adam's going to fix his bike, then he changed it to "we'll talk about what really happened. If you didn't do anything you shouldn't be scared". I'm home alone with 2 kids all day every day because of Adams work schedule. We contacted the police but the only thing they told us was that we should have reported the kids threatening Ivy earlier (we did try to explain that they're 11 and we sorted it out with the parents). I'm now scared and upset and there's noone to talk to and nobody to protect us or even care. Literally nothing we can do. Also the parent is obviously not going to shout at his kid for threatening my toddler so I mean that kid isn't gonna learn anything and I'm scared for Ivy's safety at the park.

one word: maxon.

EDIT: more words for clarity: the 3D company Maxon is making renewing old licenses very frustrating, and the app they force you to download to manage licenses is just.... not the best. at all. i'd rather deal with serial numbers.

My period is late. I thought going off the birth control I was on would help bring it back. I was to do so for a blood draw for a baseline.

I'm scared.

maxon maxon? Or some other maxon?

The Italian Bleach Job Incident.

The left sink in my bathroom no longer drains, so I may need to get plumbing work done and I had to mop up all that charcoal based bleach up with a white towel.

Bleaching was a nightmare. I could only do one section. The bottle was too narrow and the mixture was too thick. I'm not fond of using shampoo or bleach in my hair because the hair is like the snakes of Medusa in that it's a sentient mob living on my head and the slightest breeze puffs them up.

On top of that, I couldn't bleach out the teal from a couple weeks ago.

This past Monday, I had my blood drawn.

The cardiologist called today. More statin, add a new pill. AUUUUGGH! It seems like my diet consists of instant meals, watered down lemon tea, supplements and medication.

It seems the only decent meals are when my parents cook on the weekends when we're together as a family.