Hi there! You are currently browsing as a guest. Why not create an account? Then you get less ads, can thank creators, post feedback, keep a list of your favourites, and more!
Theorist
Original Poster
#1 Old 14th Jul 2007 at 11:12 AM Last edited by DarkPhoenix : 13th Jan 2014 at 6:31 AM.
When Cliques Collide (Updated 1/13-- Chapter 53, Part 6 now up!)
This is my first Sims 2 story. While this is overall a fairly clean story, there are some things in this story that might offend a few people (mostly what's implied, rather than actually stated).
----------------------------------------------






The group of pretty teen girls danced and twirled to the music, flashing toothy smiles and winking.

The music finally stopped, and the attractive blonde stepped forward and said, smiling flirtatiously, "Well, we had a great time, but we have to go now. See you guys later! We can‘t wait for next time!"




The woman groaned and threw a chalkboard eraser at the wall-mounted television in disgust, hitting the power button and cutting off the image of the giggling pink-clad girls. The screen went black.

"I feel stupider now, just having watched that for five minutes," she muttered, rummaging in her drawer for a cigarette.

Knock knock knock.

The sound startled her, making her jump slightly.

"Come in," the woman called out, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt. She gave up her search for cigarettes, at least for the moment, and waited to see who was bothering her during lunch.

A pretty young woman with brown hair and green eyes stepped into the room, and the teacher immediately cheered up. "Hey, Ms. Gibson," the visitor said, grinning.

The teacher returned the smile and hugged the visitor. "Charise, my favorite former student," she laughed. "How have you been doing, kiddo? How's college been treating you?" She removed her spectacles and set them on the desk, looking worried. "You haven't gone all party-obsessed, have you?"

"If I was supposed to, I didn't get the memo," Charise responded with a chuckle. Ms. Gibson let out a huge sigh of relief. Charise continued, "I'm doing great. In fact, I'm going to be working part-time as tutor here."

"Well, how come? As smart as you are, I figured you'd have financial aid coming out the wazoo! I always thought the college would pay you to attend, not the other way around."

"Not quite. Remember, financial aid is kind of unavailable when your family is like mine. Besides, it doesn't cover expenses that aren't education-related. I need to eat and pay rent and all those other things too, you know."

"Ahhh, true. You must forgive me; it's been a while since I've been in college. Well, I was about to take a smoke break, but you interrupted the cigarette hunt. If you'd like to follow me outside, we can continue the conversation. I'm sick of looking at the posters and the drab white walls," Ms. Gibson said, reaching into a drawer and, wonder of wonders, pulling out the cigarette package and lighter she had been trying to find.

"Sure," Charise said, but she stopped, noticing the eraser on the floor. She picked it up and put it back in its proper place. "You're slacking off on the housekeeping. It‘s not like you to leave erasers on the floor," she remarked, following the teacher out the classroom and to the parking lot.



"Actually, I threw the eraser at the TV. I was sick of watching the mindless drivel," Ms. Gibson replied. She took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, then held the pack out to her former student. "You smoke?"

"Nope."

"Good girl. Never start. It's a nasty habit.”

"Wait, wait, don't tell me. I think I know why you're so ticked. The so-called school spirit show is still going strong," Charise guessed correctly.

"Unfortunately. And they're showing more skin than last year." Ms. Gibson rolled her eyes and sighed. "At this rate, in a few years, they'll be performing naked."



"Don’t worry, I think there's laws against that," Charise said with a chuckle. Then, she turned serious again. "So, are there any intelligent shows now, at least? News shows, or anything like that? Anything to stimulate the mind, rather than letting it atrophy like this brainwashing eye candy for the male student population is doing?"

"Nope." Ms. Gibson took a long drag off her cigarette, trying not to chuckle at Charise‘s choice of words. "Lack of interest."

"In watching it or in creating it?"

"Creating. We couldn't get enough people to want to be on the show as anchors, and the few people we did get were cheerleaders. The news program ended up becoming part of that inane dance show."

"I see." Charise thought a moment, chewing at her bottom lip. "Okay, okay, look, this is just me brainstorming, talking off the top of my head, but listen. I have an idea. Suppose you created a news show, one that actually had news stories in it, but each anchorperson was a representative of a clique here."

"I don't follow."

"Like, for instance, there could be an athlete, a brainy kid, and a member of the alternative crowd. That way, students aren't just looking at the pretty people. They're looking at people that they can identify with."

"Interesting concept. Anything else, Charise?"



Charise thought for a few minutes more, and then babbled, as though trying to express all of her ideas before she forgot them. "Give it a catchy name. Don't call it Oakdale High School News. That's blah. You need something that lets people know that there's all cliques represented, and there's breaking news. Clique News Break, or something like that. Oh, and put in some gimmicks occasionally. Stuff like matchmaking, makeovers, and so on. Make it part news show, part talk show. People want to watch interesting things. Just make sure that it's not completely mindless, or it'll be just like that stupid dance show. Remember, not everyone watching is an idiot, but most of them are, shall we say… easily amused by simple things."

"I like those ideas. You might be on to something."

"Thanks."

"How's everyone been?" Ms. Gibson asked.

"The same as ever," Charise replied. "S is majoring in music and theater, Cy is still living with my family, Tacita is the same boy-crazy woman she's always been, and Sheridon and Gideon are still together. Dad and Gramma Cici are also doing well."

Charise paused for a second, then asked, "May I sit in on your next class, please? I promised I'd help out with part of the seventh period art class before I have to go tutor students, but I have some free time after lunch and nothing to do."

"Certainly, Charise," Ms. Gibson replied, surprised. "But you'll be bored out of your skull. The students will be making speeches on topics that matter to them, which means, of course, that most of the speeches will involve cheerleading, makeup, sports, and so forth. Not exactly mentally stimulating. You're welcome to sit in on it, though. Now go get some lunch so you don‘t starve. I'll be in the classroom."

Charise hurried off to the cafeteria.

Ms. Gibson dropped the cigarette butt onto the cement and ground it with the heel of her shoe, making sure it was extinguished.

"I think she’s a genius. Why didn't I think of that stuff?" she muttered to herself. She hurried back to her classroom to write down the ideas that were already forming in her head.
3 users say thanks for this. (Who?)
Advertisement
#2 Old 14th Jul 2007 at 11:29 AM
This is interesting! Like nothing I've ever seen on the stories forum before. Keep it up!
Theorist
Original Poster
#3 Old 14th Jul 2007 at 11:30 AM
Coming from you, Iris, that's a huge compliment.
#4 Old 14th Jul 2007 at 4:28 PM
Looking good, DarkPhoenix! I can't wait for the next update!
Theorist
Original Poster
#5 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 7:15 AM
Default Chapter 1, Part 2

"In conclusion, the media in general provides unrealistic ideals for people to live up to. Female adolescents, in particular, are vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy as a result of these images, which may lead to eating disorders and low self-confidence. The media needs to show realistic images that represent the majority of the population, not a small fraction. The average woman is closer to a size twelve than a size four, and it would be beneficial for television, movies, and magazines to reflect that."

The girl bowed her head shyly, then glanced timidly over at Ms. Gibson, who nodded and mouthed, "Impressive." The adolescent smiled and took her seat, amidst weak applause.

"I'll give you your grades next class," Ms. Gibson called out, as the bell rang. She glanced over at Charise, who was gathering her belongings together.

"You might want to take this into consideration," Charise whispered to Ms. Gibson, handing her a piece of paper. The young woman walked out of the classroom.

Ms. Gibson unfolded the paper, read it, and nodded. "I certainly will," she murmured to herself. "An excellent choice indeed. I couldn‘t have made a better decision myself."

-------------------------


"Oh gawwwd, Emily, that was so stupid," the blonde girl groaned, cornering the intellectual teenager.

"Seriously. 'The average woman is closer to a size twelve than a size four,'" her brunette companion repeated mockingly. She indicated herself and her companions and sneered, "Well, what about us?"

"I wasn't targeting anyone, I swear. I was stating a fact," the girl, Emily, said softly. She glanced about nervously, searching for an exit.



A beautiful golden haired girl sauntered by and, taking in the situation, sighed impatiently, "Will you four please stop wasting your time bothering her? There's more important things to worry about than a silly speech. Don’t gawk at me like I‘m freakin‘ Houdini. I don’t have powers, psychic or otherwise; Bruno told me you might be mad. Now get to class, or you'll get kicked off the team. Tiffani, you're needed in the coach's office. She sent me to get you."

"I wonder what this could be about," Tiffani, the instigator, murmured to herself. She gave Emily a last glare. “You were lucky this time,” she hissed as she sauntered away from the bespectacled girl.


---------------------------


"That Emily kid really gets on my nerves," the leather-clad teen remarked. He eyed the painting and dabbed more paint in the corner.

"Why does she bother you?" the black-clad girl asked.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Well, you were talking loud enough for me to hear you. I only assumed you were talking to me."

"Well, if you must know, Miss 'I need to know everyone's business,' she annoys the heck out of me because she's so... nerdy. She's like a chick version of my little brother. She thinks she's so brilliant and perfect. Someone needs to knock her off her pedestal."


"LB, you're really being a jerk. Emily never did anything to you, and you know she's nothing like that."

"She's done enough just by living and making people like me and my friends look like idiots."

"It sounds like you wish she was dead or had never been born. How cruel."

"Sure would make things easier," the boy said, nodding.

"Why would you wish such a thing on her? That‘s terrible!" she gasped.

"Oh, quit fooling around, Ophelia. You're a goth. You're miserable and want everyone else to be miserable too. That's just how goths are."

"First of all, LB, Mr. Leon Rivers, Attitude King, you don't know what I'm like. You know absolutely nothing about me, other than I’m female and wear a lot of black, and you make your assumptions based on that. Second, I'm not going to stand here and let you badmouth someone who isn't even present to defend herself. You're being childish. Grow up, for everyone‘s sake, if not your own."

"Yeah? What are you gonna do to make me, goth?"


Ophelia did the only thing she could think of: she grabbed up the cup of water that she was using to rinse her brush out in, and threw it at him in frustration. LB slapped her across the face in response.

"You ruined my jacket," LB yelled.

"That's what you get for being a jerk!" she screamed, as Mr. Rivers the art teacher and Charise dragged them apart.

"At least I want to live," LB snarled in response, indicating the scars on her arms.

------------------------------


"You've gotta be kidding me," Tiffani wailed.

"I do not kid around. Tiffani, you've put on weight. At least eight pounds," Ms. Bellereve, the female coach, as well as head of the cheerleading and dance teams, responded.

"But... but... eight pounds is nothing. I'm retaining water. Give me a week or so, and I'll be back to normal," Tiffani pleaded.

"‘Retaining water’ indeed. I saw you gobbling down three slices of cake the other day. Such disgusting lack of self-control. I'm sorry,” the coach said, not sounding sorry at all, “but rules are rules. You'll have to leave the cheerleading squad and the dance team until you lose enough weight. But I'm sure there's plenty of other groups you can join in the meantime.” She gave the girl a condescending smile.

"But..." Tiffani struggled not to cry. Cheerleading and dancing were her life. Every female in her family had been popular, a cheerleader, involved in dance... and now this! Eight measly pounds! She'd show Ms. Bellereve! She'd join a club and rise to the top, and that woman would beg for her to return.

Tiffani flashed the coach a dazzling smile. "As you wish."
Instructor
#6 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 8:33 AM
Great story. It's really interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter
Theorist
Original Poster
#7 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 8:37 AM
Thanks for the compliments, desimonkey442 and stormy! To be honest, I was a little nervous about sharing this because I didn't think anyone would like it.
#8 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 9:25 AM
You're not alone, DarkPhoenix. Nobody knows if anyone will like their stories when they post them. But this is really good!
#9 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 11:23 AM
I really like it so far. My only request is that you can maybe not make the partitions so long because they kind of stretch out the posts and i have to scroll back and forth to read it which is kind of annoying/distracting but other than that keep going please.
Top Secret Researcher
#10 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 11:51 AM
This is really great!
I loves it!
Theorist
Original Poster
#11 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 5:48 PM
Quote: Originally posted by yayDaphne
I really like it so far. My only request is that you can maybe not make the partitions so long because they kind of stretch out the posts and i have to scroll back and forth to read it which is kind of annoying/distracting but other than that keep going please.



It really depends on your computer. On mine, there's no stretching. But I will take that into consideration with future posts and also have edited the previous ones. I hope that helps out!
Scholar
#12 Old 15th Jul 2007 at 6:16 PM
Fantastic work! Keep it up. I enjoy stories such as this one.
Lab Assistant
#13 Old 16th Jul 2007 at 6:45 AM
this is really good! i like how it gives you a little insight to each set of people. i can't wait for the next chapter!
Theorist
Original Poster
#14 Old 16th Jul 2007 at 6:48 AM
Everyone, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You have all made me very glad to have chosen to share this story with you. I am currently working on writing chapter four (yes, I have the first three chapters already written), and I am going to try to take the pictures for the next part either tonight or sometime during the day Monday or Tuesday.
Theorist
Original Poster
#15 Old 16th Jul 2007 at 1:06 PM
Default Chapter 1, Part 3

The principal opened up the file, then looked at the angry girl seated in his office. To his amazement, there were no disciplinary files, no detention forms, nothing. This was her first offense. There was, however, a list of her grades and academic achievements, including many awards in art competitions. This was not a typical troublemaker.

"Ophelia Desdemona Foley," the principal read from the file.

"Yes, sir?" she said, looking rather sulky but trying to be civil.


"Why did you attack another student?" asked the principal, putting the file away.

"He was saying mean things about another student."

"Was he insulting you?"

"Not at first, sir."

"What was he saying, then?"

"Well," Ophelia said, looking as dignified as possible, "he was saying that a fellow student of ours, Emily Desjardin, acted all high and mighty because she was smart. I knew that what he was saying was untrue, that she's terrified of being in the spotlight, no matter what the situation, even if it‘s something she‘s an expert in. This girl gets really good grades and doesn’t go around bragging about it or showing off. I told him that I wasn't going to stand around and let him talk bad about someone who wasn't even present to defend herself. He refused to stop, and he started making rude personal comments about me."


The principal closed his eyes and thought for several minutes. Then, he opened them and finally spoke. "Miss Foley, because this is your first offense, I am willing to go light on your punishment, but only under two circumstances."

"Yes, sir?"

"One: You may not get into another fight until you graduate in May. Two: You will join a club or organization so that all of that energy and determination will be put to good use."

Ophelia nodded and brushed a lock of black hair out of her face. "Yes, sir."

--------------------------


"Desjardin!" Mr. Lyons, the football coach, yelled at AJ from across the field. AJ's eyes widened, and he ran over to see what the problem was.

"I just got a look at your most recent grades. Terrible! How can a kid with a smart twin sister be such an idiot?!"

"I've been busy," AJ responded nonchalantly.

"Busy. Busy trying to go on dates with all those girls. Busy not getting ready for games. Busy not studying. Now, look, kid, I'm not asking much here. I just want you to make good grades."

"I can make good grades anytime I want to."

"Well, you sure don't seem to want to. I'm kicking you off the team until your grades improve. When your grades improve, you can come back."

"You're kidding, right? I'm the star of the team."

"I'm not in a kidding mood. Now get the heck off the field, and get to the library. There’s a tutor there. You're excused from gym and practices until your grades pick up."

AJ didn't move.

"Dang it, kid, get your butt in the library now, or I'll carry you in there. Take your pick. I assure you, if I have to carry you, you will NOT enjoy it one bit!"

-------------------


"Come on, Maya," Emily groaned. She leaned back in her chair. "You study way too much, you know. It's Friday. You should be relaxing, watching movies. Taking a break. Not reviewing for a test that's not scheduled until the week after next."

Maya looked up, an irritated look on her face, and brushed a few strands of hair out of the way. "How many times must I tell you, Emily? I will be the valedictorian. I refuse to settle for second-best. Second place is the same thing as being first loser."

Emily stared for a second, blinking in surprise. After collecting her thoughts, she finally spoke, and it was with a bitterness that would have startled everyone who didn‘t know her well. "Whatever you say. Honestly, I think you're taking this studying thing a bit too far, though. One of these days, your mind will snap from all the pressure you put on yourself, and you know what? I'll simply sit back and not do a thing to help you. You‘re my friend and all, but sometimes you take things too seriously."


Ms. Gibson and Charise walked into the library and headed over to the table where the two girls were. Maya returned to her studies, but Emily looked over, puzzled.

"Emily, we need to see you for a minute. You might want to grab your stuff," Ms. Gibson said softly.

"Sure." Emily collected her belongings and followed the two women out of the room. "Did something happen? Are my parents okay? Did AJ get hurt? I told him to warm up before exercising! He can‘t afford any more strains or breaks!"

"Don't worry, kiddo. Everything's fine," Ms. Gibson said comfortingly. They entered the auditorium.

"What are we doing here?"

"We're going to make a TV show," Ms. Gibson said. She indicated Charise. "This is Charise Marlow, a former student of mine."


"Hello," Emily said shyly, shaking hands with Charise.

"It's very nice to meet you, Emily," Charise replied with a warm smile. "I was impressed by your speech in class. As Ms. Gibson mentioned, she wants to make a TV show for this school, and I suggested that perhaps you could be on it."

"Me? But... but I'm terrible at public speaking," Emily stammered.

"Emily, all you'll have to do is talk about things you care about," Charise said softly, soothingly. "Like your speech in class."

"Some people got angry about it," Emily said softly.

"Well, some people are stupid. I thought it was a good speech, and you know what, Emily? Your thoughts need to be heard. You see, Ms. Gibson's idea is to create a news show with a variety of students as the anchor people. Intelligence like yours should not be hidden," Charise responded.

"Why not my friend Maya or Sara Lowry? They're smart. In fact, they‘re competing for the position of valedictorian."


"Yes, but they're not... well, unique enough. You're not quite like the other students, which is partially why I felt that you'd be suitable. I mean that in a good way," Ms. Gibson said. She nodded at a stool. "I'd like to have you do a test report for us, just to see how it'll go." She handed Emily a page from the newspaper and said, "When I tell you to start, I want you to read the top story."

"Yes, ma'am," Emily said with a nod, perching on the stool.

"Okay... start!"

"A bank robbery at the First Bank of Oakdale was foiled when..."
Lab Assistant
#16 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 6:25 AM
D.P... I'm glad to see, that you finally got to put up this story. You've put so much work into this..many hours of blood sweat and tears... It's nice to see it realized. Your writing is very thought out, with attention to detail. It deserves an audience. Congrats to you. D.S.
Theorist
Original Poster
#17 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 9:00 AM
Default Chapter 1, Part 4

AJ grumbled as he entered the library. He turned to the student volunteer behind the desk and asked, "Where’s the tutor?"

"Oh, golly gee willikers, I believe she left about ten minutes ago, but I'm absolutely positive she'll be here any minute. Why don't you take a seat?" the girl chirped, smiling charmingly and fussing with a long braid.

AJ muttered in response and plopped down at a table, unaware that the girl was staring at him.

About five minutes passed, and Charise hurried in. "I'm sorry," she said softly to the volunteer, "but Ms. Gibson needed my help. Are there any people here for tutoring today?"

"Well, gosh, Miss Marlow, I never thought you'd ask. AJ over there is in need of your assistance."

"Thank you, Angela," Charise said with a nod, and stepped over to the adolescent who was gawking at her.


"Hello, AJ," she said warmly. "I'm Charise Marlow. I'm a tutor, and I'm here to help you with your problem areas."

AJ looked her up and down slowly and said, giving her a flirtatious smile, "It's Friday. I don't have a date. That's a problem. How about you help me with that problem by going to a movie with me?"

Charise chuckled and said, "That's so cute. But I don't date high school students. Besides, I'm here to enrich your educational life, not your social life. So, what do you need help with?"

AJ sighed. Why did he even bother? He remembered Charise from when she was a student in the grade above him. She was loaded with money. Probably too high-maintenance and clingy. "Well, Charise, I need to get good grades, or I can't go back to playing football."

"Okay, and where do you need the most improvement?"

"Everywhere!"

Charise sighed. This might be more than she bargained for.


----------------


"Ophelia!"

Ophelia turned in the direction of the voice and saw Mae Rivers, her closest friend at the school, heading over.

"Mae."

"What's this I heard about you getting involved in other people's problems?" she scolded.

"Your older brother was saying all kinds of mean stuff about a chick he hardly knows. Was I supposed to stand around and smile, just letting him talk like that?" Ophelia cried out angrily.

"Dude, you know the motto all of our people at this school follow: 'Thou shalt not get involved.'"

Ophelia scowled at Mae. "I don't know about you, Mae, but I have a sense of right and wrong. It's not right for people to say mean things with the insulted person not there to defend herself. I refuse to stand around and let that happen. Even if it is your brother saying that stuff."

Mae shook her head. "I don't know what happened to you. You used to be such a rebel. Who the heck you think you are, a hero? You‘re not Wonder Woman. You can‘t right the world‘s wrongs." She noticed Ms. Gibson heading over to them. "Here comes a teacher. Act nice."


"Miss Rivers, that's a dress code violation," Ms. Gibson said, indicating the short skirt.

"And what do you plan to do about it? You try anything, and I swear... I know where you live! I'll... I'll eat all the vegetables you're growing!" Mae cried out.

Ms. Gibson tried not to look amused at the ridiculous threat. "I'll risk it. Detention," she said, handing the girl a slip of paper. She looked over at Ophelia, "And I need to have a word with you."

"Was my in-class speech too offensive?" Ophelia asked worriedly. "I didn't think that a speech about the damaging effects of cliques would be inappropriate. No, wait, it's my clothes. Am I right?" She looked herself over, checking for dress code violations.

"Your speech was fine, and you haven't broken any of the rules about clothing," the teacher assured her. She led the girl away.

Mae watched her friend and muttered, "Man, she sure has changed. And not for the better."


-----------------


“Sorry I’m late,” Charise said, hurrying into the classroom. “I had to tutor a kid. Oh man, I’m so glad I’m not in high school anymore. I forgot how many guys there are like him. I don‘t envy the girls here, let me tell you that.”

“What kind of guy? Jock? Nerd?” Ophelia asked, looking up from the list of ideas in front of her.

She and Emily were discussing ideas for the show, and all of the suggestions that Ms. Gibson approved went on the list.

“Jock. He has to improve his grades, or he can’t stay on the football team,” Charise responded, sitting at the table.

“You don’t say,” Emily murmured. She looked up. “Did this guy, by any chance, try to flirt with you?”

“Yes.”

“Dark hair and brown eyes?”

“Yes.”

“Was his name AJ, and did he complain about not having a date for tonight?”

“Yes. How did you know?” Charise asked, astonished.

“That’s my brother.”

“Are you serious?” Charise gasped.


“Dead serious. AJ and I are twins. Obviously, we’re both losers. I’m a total nerd, and he has no luck with women.” She glanced at Charise. “You didn’t accept, did you?”

“Of course not. I’m sensible enough not to mix business with pleasure.” Charise didn’t know Emily well enough to add, “And it is no pleasure to spend time with him.”

There was a knock on the door. A pretty blonde girl, clad in pink and looking frustrated, entered.

“Tiffani, why aren’t you at cheerleading practice? It’s still Fridays at three, right?” Ms. Gibson said, puzzled.

“They… I quit!” Tiffani declared. “Ms. Gibson, do you know of any clubs that still are accepting people?”

Charise and Ms. Gibson glanced at each other. After a moment, Ms. Gibson said, holding out a sheet of paper, “Maybe. Read this out loud for us.”


-------------------


AJ looked up from his work. Where was that cute tutor? Maybe he was wrong about her after all. Where would she be right now? Who would know? Maybe that weird volunteer would know.

He ran up to the desk, where the volunteer was tidying things up.

“Hey, can you help me?” he asked.

“Well, gosh almighty, of course I can. Whatever seems to be the problem?”

“Do you know where Charise is? You know, the chick who was tutoring me.”

“Well, golly, I think Miss Marlow is in the auditorium, working on some project. That, or she’ll be in Ms. Gibson’s classroom. I’ll be more than happy to help you find her,” the volunteer responded, stepping out from behind the desk.
#18 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 12:06 PM
aww yay :yippee:
new update!

love it DarkPhoenix AJ is so...!!
Theorist
Original Poster
#19 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 12:09 PM
*Squeal* Yay, you like it! I'm glad AJ amuses you. *Dances around happily and passes out snacks to all my readers*
#20 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 5:24 PM
Great update! I find the whole thing amusing. I like the way you skip around to different characters and their story lines. Very good!
Theorist
Original Poster
#21 Old 17th Jul 2007 at 11:55 PM
Thanks, stormy. The skipping around is something of a necessary evil and happens a good bit in chapters where there are multiple things going on at around the same time. The whole first chapter takes place over a period of a few hours.

The last part of this first chapter will probably be posted tonight or tomorrow morning, if all goes well.
#22 Old 18th Jul 2007 at 3:45 AM
That's cool. I tried doing that once when I posted my very first story on here but it didn't go too well so I deleted it and wrote another one. I can't wait for the next update!
Test Subject
#23 Old 18th Jul 2007 at 4:26 AM
this is really good so far! Im looking forward to seeing how all the different students will begin to act around each other

#24 Old 18th Jul 2007 at 4:37 AM
This is very good so far! Looking forward to the next chapter
Theorist
Original Poster
#25 Old 18th Jul 2007 at 4:38 AM
Thank you for all the comments, everyone!
Page 1 of 39
Back to top