SONG GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

enough said.
@ thedivineone have you been living my life? that is the EXACT same thing happening to me, and my math teacher recently moved the seating chart guess where he sits? Take a wild guess. ACROSS from me. (And I'm sitting next to the guy that virtualythe whole school knows I like, been commen knowledge for a month or so now...) Another day another vent (but he will be the very last person to know the way things have been going)

Hate when people can't spell easy-to-spell words.

It's even worse when they use similarly spelled but completely different words interchangeably. Although, it can be a bit funny when they use, say, angel and angle wrong. Yeah, she's an angle all right.

I've got a interview at my first choice University tomorrow. The weird thing is I'm not actually nervous about the interview itself - its the 'group exercise' we have to do. I'm not that good with improvisation. I would rather just know what we're going to have to do now. Plus people - eep. I'm not that good in social situations. But I have to keep telling myself that everyone is in the same boat and I'm not alone in my anxiety. Hopefully.

For people who work in retail, the apocalypse comes every December! It's only Monday and I'm well over the week already.

I've got an exam tomorrow morning and I'm starting to think maybe I've been a bit casual in my attitude towards it. I haven't done any studying whatsoever because I assumed I was going to ace it after the mock exam results but now I'm having doubts about this approach. I totally flunked an unrelated assignment for the first time in years on Friday despite doing work towards it and it's really thrown me off. Maybe Friday's result was some sort of karma for me getting complacent. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't even feel apprehensive about tomorrow if it wasn't for Friday.

I'm crying so much because I'm doing so bad in math now. And it's all because of a fucking student teacher who can't spell for shit and doesn't explain anything. I got a 66 on the first test with her and the one I took Friday didn't go well because I left, like, three questions blank. And the test was on last chapter and not this one. It sucks because I've been working so hard in math this year and it's going to shit.

I just want to curl up into the fetal position and die.

All my dad did yesterday was go ON and ON about how we need to go and get my mom's Christmas present today. No, we need to get HIS Christmas present. I got my mother several things already, but he doesn't know what to fucking get his own wife of almost 30 years, so I have to go and basically pick out stuff for him.

So I got up at 8 (my mom was at her friend's for the weekend) and shook him awake. He whined that he needed more time to sleep, so I let him sleep. That rolled into noon when I finally yelled him awake, telling him that I have finals to study for, chores to do, and I really wanted to finish this really good book I'm reading so if he wants me to help him shop then he has to get up now. He grounded me for waking him up then went back to sleep.

I gave up and drove to the mall and bought a really nice, gorgeous ring that matches my mom's favorite ring (which she wears all the time) because it was on sale for a good price and I also got her the matching earrings, necklace and bracelet. It was about $600 dollars, but I really love my mom, and she's done a lot for me, plus my dad is horrible even getting her a gift so I figured that it would be really nice gift so I didn't mind too much. When I got home, it was three, and he was still asleep. I did my chores, cooked supper and he finally woke up (it was around six). I showed him what I got my mom.

He told me I spent way too much money, that he didn't want to give it to her, refused to pay me back (I had spent my own personal money, and I'm saving for college too) and called it ugly.

Then the asshole had the balls to return it, go to another store and then buy himself a brand new $1000 gun. And when he returned it, he got the return in cash (because I paid in cash, I don't like using my credit card) so I literally lost $600, am grounded, my mom isn't getting a Christmas present from my dad (again) and my dad has a new gun he doesn't need. I hope that gun makes you happy, Dad. I really fucking hope it does. I honestly wonder why she's still married to him sometimes.

I'm going to be done with my associaties degree this May so that means I will be transferring to a new university in the fall. I have no idea where to go or how to even figure out where I want to go; I'm just so lost. I guess I will just apply to a bunch of places over my winter break and try to find time to tour them during my spring semester and pick from the ones that accept me? I seriously have no idea what I'm doing.

OK, wish me luck. Got interview this afternoon and I'm frickin' nervous. :/

Never postpone important exams depending on someone who's supposed to tell the teachers that are responsible for those exams that you're ill. Now I am stuck with a deadline for a chemistry test and a biology one and there's a pretty big chance that I'll get a lecture from both teachers. What the hell is wrong with this damn year?

Since when did spitting become acceptable behavior in public? When you're younger and you spit at another child you get told not to do that. So why do I keep seeing men (and it's exclusively men who do it) spitting in the street? It's disgusting and downright rude. What, are they too great to swallow or something? They don't even try to do it surreptitiously, they do it openly in plain view of everyone.

I was out with some of my classmates the other night for Christmas drinks. One of them was very, very drunk because he'd been there drinking for at least an hour and a half before the rest of us got there. He and I just do not get on. I try to be pleasant to him but over the past few months I just haven't been able to bring myself to be nice. I've been civil but I think it's been very clear that I don't appreciate spending time with him. He makes sexist remarks all the time and seems to think it's funny, and the way he speaks about other girls on our course turns my stomach. I thought he'd got the message from my continued coldness and avoidance. He even remarked to me a few weeks ago, "You've been very stand-offish this year," in front of all of our friends. I just said without looking at him, "That's rather rude of you," even though I knew it was perfectly true. Somebody else came to my defense and the whole thing was glossed over.

At the Christmas drinks I was at the bar buying a drink and he came up to me and put his arm around my waist. He'd already done it earlier in the evening and he was pushing his luck. I stepped away but didn't say anything. I'd have walked away if I wasn't waiting for my drink. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his place after with this other guy because they were going to smoke weed together. As tempting as that invite was, I declined. Then out of the blue he started saying, "You play your cards very close to your chest, don't you?" I said, "About what?" and he told me about everything. I asked him what the hell he was talking about because I was fast losing patience with the conversation and he said something about how he never knew what I was thinking. He had this irritating knowing smile on his face during all of this. Then my drink came and I said abruptly, "I have no idea what you're talking about," and walked away. I just have this horrible feeling that he's under the impression I have deep feelings for him and my attitude over the past few months has been me playing hard to get. I know he's stupid enough and arrogant enough to think that. Last year he was under the impression one of my friends really, really liked him and only came out with us all so she could be near him but apparently she was "Not pretty enough for him." In fact this friend, who was way too pretty for him, hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. She never expressed any interest in him whatsoever and found him creepy. How can a person be so blind and stupid?

How can a person be so blind and stupid? (I still don't know how to make quotes)

This sums up the essay of a post i was about to write, and the world may never know.

I hate when something bad happens to a friend and you're not there to make them feel better. Trying to make someone feel better over the phone always seems so inadequate, especially when they're crying and you can't even put your arm around them.

^ I've been in that situation more than once and I can't help but offer words, but sometimes a few words can help relieve a lot of pain. I should know, I've been there myself and called a friend and sobbed and cried my heart out to her. She helped, not as much as being with the person, it still helps though.

I think I am depressed. Or at least that's what that medical website told me, I either have depression, anxiety disorder or something's wrong with my nervous system. Those were the only explanations to my consistent fainting. Can you imagine fainting 7 times in a row in one day? Not exactly the most amazing feeling. What's wrong with me?

I've been thinking a similar thing for a while but luckily I've had the absence of fainting. Have you been to the doctors? It may be down to something non-psychological, maybe you are anemic. If it keeps happening, I'd say maybe get a blood test.

I have been to a doctor, a cardiac one. Said nothing's wrong with my heart, just low blood pressure. And I've had a blood test done but nothing showed, no anemia no deficiency in anything. She suggested we go to a neurologist. Since the fainting occurs so often. Can you imagine 46 fainting spells in three months? I fainted 15 times in one day before, so I am pretty scared by this.

Not to mention that people talk behind my back and right in my face and say that I am acting and craving attention. I don't need it, I am popular at school with high grades and I am one of the best scoring students of my class. And I am not sure if it's depression either.

As for the neurologist, I might go by the end of month, when dad gets his paycheck since the neurologist will probably ask for a whole load of tests and scans.

So over working retail over Christmas. I've been at the shop for a minimum of 9 hours everyday for the last week, and I have to go into work today and tomorrow and Christmas Eve. My feet don't want to work anymore.

I feel like I'm so ungrateful. I mean, I have a roof over my head, enough food to eat, a potential university life to look forward to and career if that goes ahead. As far as I know I'm healthy and so are my family.

But I've grown up in books, films, TV shows and RPG games. There is always another world within my head which I wish I could live in and have wild adventures and meet strange and funny folk and exchange tales of mighty glory. I almost feel like I was born into the wrong dimension or something.
And I know it sounds really stupid.
I guess that's why I want to make films and TV, so I can create other world and just take stuff from my imagination and put it on screen.
Don't mind me guys, I'm just in a post-hobbit (the film) gloom and doom mode. -_-

Oh my lord, I feel like crap. /:

For various reasons I had a massive anxiety attack just after midnight this morning and ended up throwing up, collapsing into bed and passing out for 20 minutes. I still feel nauseous 12 hours later. All I've eaten all day is one chocolate and half a piece of toast and I know that isn't going to help but I just can't even stomach the thought of eating.

Sneeze attacks have been attacking me ALL DAY!!!

I'm not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year.

I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit, either. My friend claims the school shootings really ruined the Christmas season this year. Which it sort of did, it's just...It doesn't feel Christmasy this year anyways. :\

I am confused, scared and hurt. I fell on my head a couple of times today because of fainting. I just want the old me back, the one that didn't get phased like this.