I'm having a hard time getting into a groove with my whole language-learning resolution. In other words, I can't summon the will to get my ass into gear and start actually working.

I've also dug myself into a hole with my story, and I can't get out.

Gah.

work at the day care on base was crazy in a hand basket. I swear someone gave the almost pre-toddlers in my infant room red bull energy drinks

Thank you. It's just frustrating not being there for her. I can't even go visit until at least the end of February because of my classes, and the last time I went was last February.

Awww.
You should always be able to see her!

Ugh, my co-worker. He likes to tell everyone else (myself included) how to do their jobs when he doesn't even do his. He works the night shift and sleeps all night and doesn't do a damn thing. Once you do your job, then maybe you can tell me how to do mine.

Why not tell 'em off.
Works for me...

Oh, I do.

So, I've been venting about my fainting spells for a long time on this thread. I went to a cardiologist, nothing was wrong just low blood pressure. A couple of months later and even more fainting spells and two nervous breakdowns, I went to a neurologist, she asked for a brain scan, I did and nothing showed up wrong. I am not sure what's wrong with me, I don't know if it's psychological, I don't know if something is wrong with my nerves I am not sure anymore. I just feel guilty and upset and humiliated. Guilty for falling, neglecting my studies and just seemingly disappointing everyone I know and being a burden and not knowing what's wrong with me and I am scared, really scared...my mid-year exams are next week and I haven't studied a lot of things at all but my head isn't cooperating, I have headaches, I don't sleep well and I just stress out and panic and do nothing.

I am scared to go to a psychiatrist, dad doesn't believe in them at all and he -not willingly- makes me feel horrible and guilty for even getting tired and fainting. I feel all alone. And claiming attention from my parents is hard when one of my sisters is ill, financial issues are rising and everyone is busy studying.

Sorry! Hope you find the problem

My life must be peachy when my main complaints are internet based.
Tumblr isn't working in the 20 minute gap I have free today.

On another note, I find it very annoying when I'm trying to study and suddenly a group of very loud and annoying girls decide to join my table and distract me from my work whilst flirting with a guy who is trying to
study too.

Ooh, Tumblr is working again!

EDIT: Addition to my troubles (not really) -
When someone does something that shouldn't make you mad or jealous or betrayed but it does (and it shouldn't really) and you just want to eat loads of chocolate and cry into your laptop.
And my emotions are everywhere with post-Merlin depression and girl stuff and exams and I'm not used to this bad friend stuff because I usually don't care and Christmas is over.

I make no sense so this post may disappear tomorrow once I've re-read it and realise I sound insane.

I was just about to vent about this (the jealousy part)! I feel like such a bitch but lately I've been feeling jealous of one of my friends. I feel really horrible every time I get those stabs of jealousy but I can't help it. Today I was thinking about how I wish she'd just stop going on about the job she's got lined up and her boyfriend and the third holiday in as many months that they're taking together this weekend and the fact she doesn't have to pay any rent this month...and then I started thinking about how she's got a job despite the fact that I did better than her in our exams last year and the fact that she misses so many classes and constantly turns up late, while I never miss a single one. And then I felt like a terrible person because I know she wasn't actually bragging about any of it and that it's hardly her fault she has a job and I don't, and there I was resenting her for all of her good luck and happiness.

But I can't help feeling it either.

I have a bad habit of spoiling shows and books for myself.

Bah.

I was meant to work today but I woke up feeling like crap so Dad said I could just have the day off. But, of course, he brought home some stuff at lunch time for me to do anyway. I did it, because I didn't want to piss him off, but now I've got a headache on top of general feeling like crap from earlier and I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep for a few days.

This weather is so awful. There are fires everywhere, I feel like I might combust at any moment because of the heat, and the winds are so strong that my cat almost got blown away. I wish I was joking with the last one, but I'm really not.

Nothing worse than discovering you have even more things to study for exams than you originally thought. Now I am stuck with extra things to memorize and I have little time to do any work and my brain isn't cooperating.

On another note, I am scared about a friend of mine. He hasn't been responding and hearing there are fires in Australia is just making me even more terrified about him. I hope he's ok.

Seriously, I put so much time and effort into revising for this exam and my grades between two practice papers vary between grade Es and grade As.

I feel a sense of impending doom. I need these stupid grades to get into University.

Some Fat Bitch FOLLOWED ME!!!

Lovely. I phoned my grandmother and we talked for 50 minutes, then at the end of the conversation she starts saying how she's on her way out and this is the end. Really great, that's what I wanted to hear.

I'm frustrated. I find it so hard to leave my house dressed or looking like how I want to or feel my best in. I'm big into fashion for the past year but I don't dress like a tramp, a traffic light or a superhero, I just like to feel good.

My problem? I feel judged and stared at. I feel like people look at me like I have two heads.

I only ever feel 'safe' when I'm in the city and people look however they want to.

I'm sore and tired and can't muster up any will to do anything.

EDIT: I keep overfilling my head with calculations and choices and omgicantfunctionanymoresomebodychooseformeplease. One half of me keeps saying, "If I don't get it now, it won't be there later" but the other half says, "I want this one more" and I don't know who to listen to <_>

My train home today was pretty packed and I didn't get a seat. I was standing next to this seat with a man in his late 20s/early 30s sitting in it, and he was playing some stupid racing game on his iPad. Right in front of him stood an elderly lady and her husband who didn't have seats and I was so angry at this man for just sitting there playing his stupid racing car game like an eight year old while she stood there clearly having difficulty standing while the train swayed and bumped along. Eventually the woman sitting next to him offered the elderly woman her seat and as the woman sat down her husband thanked the woman who'd offered her seat, saying his wife had back problems. Then that man finally decides to offer the old man his seat (the old man said no, but I think only out of politeness), but I'm sure he only did it because he thought it looked bad that he hadn't offered his seat earlier. I hate how commuters pretend they can't see anybody else on the train. I've seen people doing it to pregnant woman before and they know they're pregnant because you can get this special badges to wear on the trains to let other passengers know so they don't have to worry about offending someone by offering a seat.

I HATE THAT SIMS 3 GAMES ARE ALWAYS EXPENSIVE!!!!
SERIOUSLY, DOES IT LIKE LIKE I'M RICH???????

I kind of have a love/hate relationship with Sims/EA games.
They release a game (i.e. Sims 3) and you then have to pay the same price as a completely new game, for just a few more interactions and objects. BUT you want that expansion pack because it makes your game up to date and complete HOWEVER then it has loads of glitches and you have to wait a while for a suitable patch or just sit staring at your broken game. I have sims 2 + ALL expansion packs that
1. I don't ever use now sims 3 is out
2. Aren't worth much as a lot of people are selling them.


Sorry about the rant but I'm experiencing the 'ADULT' pains of money management and such like which makes me just stare at sims 3 expansion packs on amazon waiting for prices to go down in price.

yes, thats why I only have the sims 3 no EP.

I am so indecisive and I tried to make it a new years resolution to be better at making decisions but that didn't really work too well...

And now my friends and I are desperately trying to find concert tickets for a band we like because it suddenly went from loads of available tickets to sold out. -_-

EDIT: YES. GOT TICKETS. Imagine Dragons, here I come... In April.