^I am so sorry for your loss, Geah.

My vent: I caught a cold and exams are next week. Now we all know what the means, ladies! Oh and Aunt Flow is possibly visiting soon as well. Kill me now. Please.

My vent is that my family yells at me for small tiny things, but my sister can do whatever she wants

So last week I ordered a book off eBay, especially for its cover, because the covers on the reprints bug me.

So it came in the mail today, and guess what?

It's got the wrong. Fucking. Cover.

Damn it.

I get some results today and I'm really nervous about them but I have to wait until 2pm.

My old laptop doesn't work anymore, and I can't get the documents off it. I hope I can get the hard drive out of it

Stressed, confused, annoyed and scared.

I'm graduating in 22 days. Part of me wishing I had decided to go to the ceremony, the other part knows it'd be too stressful for me, but still. Plus, TWENTY-TWO DAYS. Fucking hell, that's three weeks. I don't know how to react to my graduation, really. I'm excited and scared shitless at the same time.

I'm trying to finish this goddamn story before I graduate, too, and it's freaking me out. I've hit a fucking massive wall, a wall bigger than any I've encountered before. I enjoy writing it, believe me I do, but right now I feel like I want to just get it done and over with so I don't have to stress about it anymore. Everything I've written these past couple days has come out as utter shit. It's all too boring, too bland, too impractical, too time-consuming.

On another note, something is wrong with me. I've thrown up three times in the last four weeks, for seemingly no reason at all. I think I'm becoming lactose intolerant, but I don't know.

I just want all the stress to go away.

I just defacated in the face of success with my English presentation today. If I get a C i'll eat grass.

Why do I stress the fuck out about the littlest things?

I've been trying to organize a meet up with my old roommate for a few weeks now. On Monday she said she'd get back to me about whether or not she could do Thursday (i.e. today), only she never did. It's now almost 2pm and she just text me to say "If we're doing tonight where and what time?" Talk about late notice. And I just love the way she's made it sound like I'm the one who's not got back to her!

Today is just one of those days where I don't feel like doing anything. Except maybe sleep.

Hayfever is so irritating (literally).

Did something to my back <_> can hardly move. Fuck.

Sick and fucking tired of waiting for flatmates to pay me money for the (expensive) power bill, the water bill, the food shopping bill, the rent . . . . . .
I made a bank account with a different bank specially so my boyfriend could pay me rent and I'd get it straight away, using my own money from my main account to pay his share of the rent, I put the shopping on my debit card and go without roughly $150 for a week until the other three get around to paying me back, and I arrange for the delivery of aforementioned shopping, and wind up planning what to make for dinner because these fuckers are too lazy to think for themselves, let alone cook for themselves. I pay the water rates to our land lord and have to chase them for that, the power bill this month is nearly $200 and I've paid that already as well, and NONE of them have paid me back. So as of today I am owed approximately $650. $650.00. This is ridiculous. Having to stress out about this shit is doing my head in. I have a good day at work, and as soon as I walk through the door, I'm in a bad mood. I'm not eating properly because I'm stressed, and I'm losing weight because I'm not eating. Fucking evil cycle.

Pardon the cursing. I apologise.

On my 5th day of 8 days straight at work. I hate the way my manager does the rota.

WHY DO FIRST PAGES HAVE TO BE SO HARD.

My boyfriend and I are going for a week up north tomorrow morning for a break, and so I can meet his dad at long last. So that's cool, I'm looking forward to some time away. However, last night after I got home, Shaun decides to tell me that instead of posting his ex-girlfriend's iPad back up there (like he should have done since before I started dating him!), she is going to "come round to Dad's place and get it herself". Why the fuck would he do that? I don't want to meet her. The last texts she sent to him ( a month ago) were saying that she still loved him for god's sake. Then he started telling me that she was going down to Whangarei (an hour south of where we're going) to have an abortion. Apparently Shaun is the only person she has told this piece of information. Why she is telling him this, and in turn Shaun is telling me this, I have no damn clue. I don't fucking want to know, or want to see her, so now I risk looking petty/childish by wanting to try and stay out of sight when she does come over to fetch the iPad. Ugh. I can leave my fucking past behind, why can't he keep his away from me?

Anxiety can suck it.

It's too early to wake up

Today I have had interview for a level 2 ICT coruse and it went wrong by the fact that I waited along time to do it, there was a group interview which I knew nothing about, the interview was only 15 mintues long and to make things even worse he knew abolouley nothing about me and I had to re fill out my appilcation form long with other forms which I already bid. He, name of Jhon flint...I think but he is a big ***** as he was mean to me and never looked at me and he was mean to my mum which is not on. He did not give me place on his course as he said that my english and maths were'nt good enough for his course?! Depsite the fact that I have done the same level ict for 2 f********* YEARS!!! AND MY ENGLISH IS A GRADE C PREDICTED AND MY COURSE WORK IS C AND HE HAS PUT ON A PROGRESS COURSE FOR EMPOLYIBLITY SKILLS WHICH WE BOTH TOLD WE DID NOT WANT TO GO FOR YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, my life's goal/dream/whatever is to become a translator/interpreter of some sort. To do this, obviously, I'll need to learn a number of languages.

My problem here is that I seem to lack the motivation to actually sit down and learn the languages. I want to, believe me, I want to, but I just... I don't know. I've had my Italian Rosetta Stone for almost two years. Two. Years. And I'm not even a fifth of the way through it. I feel like I've wasted those two years, language-wise, because if I had really applied myself, I might be fluent by now. But no, I'm a fucking lazy procrastinator who never has any motivation or will to actually do the shit I like.

(Also fuck my brain.)

I don't know. I can't think right now. Bljgkldsjgdskgd blah.

Also on something of a procrastination theme, I have my first exam on Tuesday and I've hardly studied at all. In the past week I've started an ambitious gardening project, started writing two things, read a 700 page novel and I'm probably going to reorganize my room at some point over the next few days...but no studying.

It pisses me off that I can't think of anything to write. I can't even force myself to write. Nothing comes to mind.

God damn.

One day I am full of inspiration and energy to finally draw something, the other I just sulk around and feel shitty about everything I do.

Brain why you no work with me?

I really don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone at the moment. I don't even know why. And this boy I went out with last summer sent me a facebook message with a link to this job with the company he works for and told me he'd recommend me for it if I wanted to apply for it, and I know it should be a really sweet, thoughtful thing but it just makes me feel strange.

Life has been shitty since I last visited this site. I hate seeing a friend be in an abusive friendship. Friend A (my best friend) is in a really horrible friendship with Friend B (one of the people I dislike most in this world) where B only talks to A sporadically and when A asks for a reason why it's just sporadic talking and not the somewhat constant talking that they did before, B gives really ambiguous and confusing answers. A has cried to me about how B was verbally abusive to her in the past and how she wasn't going to let her do any of that crap to her anymore. A cut off ties with B for months (I'm going to say three months about) and then B starts talking to her and A responds cordially. Now, A and B are back to where they were, with me seeing a lot of the crap B says to A. It's sickening. It really is. And I feel like I can't do anything and I've been wanting to just get away from the situation. This has been plaguing my mind for a while and I can't help but feel like punching B in her face.

And to top it all off with a cherry, I have to take a week full of finals. Fun fun fun.