I feel so angry and frustrated, I just hate the fact that I can't study properly, there is this feeling that whatever I do, I will fail.

I am terrified.

Bob has just sent me a photograph he took of a double rainbow in his garden today. A rainbow. A rainbow. Now I have to reply and say something along the lines of "Oh, what a lovely rainbow, as a girl I really appreciate that, do you have any photographs of puppies and kittens for me to admire too?" There was also an invitation to see Wheatus tacked onto that email. If this was coming from the right person, I'm sure I'd think it was really sweet. Instead it's coming from someone who's projecting his feelings for someone else (or just his desperation, perhaps) onto me. Either way, I'm not flattered.

I've had a few big weekends in a row, a lot of late nights, and I've been feeling a sore throat creeping up on me for a while. Today it finally decided to make its appearance and I just feel absolutely awful.

So apparently we have a month to find a house, pack and leave.

I'm scared.

Today just seemed to fly on by.

It's too cold.

My internet is being an ass, but it seems to be working fine for everyone else in the house.

ETA: The problem just solved itself.

I wish I hadn't gone to that study session today. I only had three hours sleep max last night and I ended up getting upset on the way home because of the song this busker was playing in the underground. It just wasn't worth it.

My bedroom light just died.

Really? It couldn't have waited a month?

My friend is entirely convinced that Animal Farm is an extra-childish remake of Charlotte's Web and refuses to believe it has any second level of meaning. She won't even believe our English teacher. *facepalm*

EDIT: This feels like fighting with an eight year old. She yelled at me for swearing and said she wouldn't go near me for the rest of Thursday because I talked to a guy, so I told her to stab herself in the face with one of those plastic light up fairy wands (I was pissed at everything yesterday. <_< ), so now she's not talking to me ever again.
Except she's really bad at the whole "not talking to you" game. As demonstrated by the fact she still talked to me when she needed the answers in science.

Don't you hate it when you find a really, really nice house, but turns out it's already rented?

Yeah, I do.

I'm looking at my favorite character from my favorite show. He's shirtless. In a gif. And his character is now dead.

Why do I torture myself when I know I will cry when next season premiers and he isn't on it?

I've got a toothache and feelings for a person I shouldn't be having feelings for.

I hate myself so much. I can't keep my big mouth shut, I destroy myself, one step at a time.

How could I be so weak, so vulnerable? Why couldn't I have just been the one who will never fall for a boy so hard? I regret every second that I spent being happy and upset over him. And I regret showing it even more.
I really wish I had a poker face, a mask that no one can penetrate, not this sensitive, fragile thing that I am now, people use me so much, I just wish I could say no, make people wonder what I am thinking.

Nothing probably makes sense now, I am too tired to blink.

Flying to Portland to my Dad's. I'm tired, and this frozen coffee isn't doing any justice. But it's the weekend, nevertheless... sigh.

I don't know who I hate more, myself or him for making me like him. You did an awfully good job making me feel worthless, boy, you really did.

Could you at least get out of my mind? You know, so I can study and actually have a life? You won't? Oh, well, you know where to stick that snazzy phone of yours then.

I'm suddenly so sick of everyone, I just wanna stay home and cuddle my dog.

I'm so pissed at someone. She just won't leave me alone and keeps threatening me. ¬_¬ Just because I reported her for stealing and got her banned from TS3.

Seriously, girl? If you're going to just go and say libel about people you don't even know, along with my friend, go outside and get a life. Go watch The Hunger Games or something. Just leave me alone, along with my friend.

Sometimes if not always, whenever things seem to get better, something terrible has to happen.

In English class, we're acting out the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet in small groups. My group automatically chose this chick in the drama club to be Juliet. But, she's so bad at acting.

When we do the big fight scene with Mercutio and Tybalt, I better be Mercutio or else bitches will be slapped. -__-

My dad and stepmother has this issue where they DO NOT DISCIPLINE my baby sister. She's gotten into this little kicking phase, where she just kicks people whenever she can't have her way. I warned her 3 times, before I grabbed her little foot and yanked her behind flat on the floor. You should have seen her face, she was stunned, and didn't kick anyone else not once. Lesson? Learned.

^ That's a slightly harsh yet good way of discipline.

My friend will be going to a different school next year apparently and it's only 18 days (not counting weekends) until school ends. I'm not looking forward to losing her. v.v

When I was a kid, my parents were strict. I let her off easier than we ever got it, she's my homegirl, but the little girl is a spoiled terror.

I have a huge crush on a guy who's hitting on/interested in all of my friends...but me. And I can't help but feel like it's because I'm the 'fat one' and the least pretty. My school seems to be that school in Hollywood, where everybody is fucking gorgeous. But me.

My nana just saw my report card and starts yelling at me for my 86 in World History and my 88 in English. Sorry my World History teacher's an ass and my English teacher sucks at teaching. Sorry nothing I ever do is good enough for anyone in this damn house.

And she looked over my 100 average in both French and Photography. TWO 100 averages looked over for two averages in the eighties. Seriously?

@Hannah - ugh, I know the feeling. My social studies teacher hates me and I think he does everything he can to make everything confusing for me. (I'm in the lowest grade in his class and he teaches mostly two grades ahead of me...excuse me, I'm sorry that I don't understand what he's saying half the time!)

My mother told me she'd take me to see The Hunger Games - then she canceled it. Why? She found out it has killing. Come on, Mom, I'm a teenager, I know how a lot of things (some you don't want me to know about) are operated and killing will not affect me!

Turns out I was supposed to return to school April 9th...
...The high school never informed my mother so I have nearly a month's worth of absences. *headdesk*

How on Earth?

I don't even friggin' know. I guess they assumed we knew or something; The one in charge of my 'homebound' schooling never gave an exact date.

I haven't posted here in forever, blah!

My vent is that I just know I'm going to cry at the end of The Fault in Our Stars . . . that and a very close friend of mine is fucking her life up again.

I have so many stupid little trivial things to vent about that are barely worth anything, but I'm on the verge of a breakdown, so what the heck.

This semester is simply awful. I've been dealing with some of the most unprofessional teachers ever, most of the subjects are not what I expected, and I can't even force myself to make an effort because I'm so tired and stressed most of the time. I've seriously considered dropping out, but that just won't happen because of many reasons. I'm just gonna hang in there for two more years.

My brain feels completely saturated with facts, cases and dates and Friday is only my first exam. Another six to go after that. I wish I could press delete after each exam on all the things I've learnt for them so that I'd have room for the next exam. Also, I recorded myself reading out some of my notes to listen to while I sleep, and my god, why did nobody ever tell me I sounded like that? No wonder I've been getting all these bizarre questions and remarks over the years; I do sound strange.

Aaaaaaaaugh.

...this one guy I have this crush on doesn't appear to have any interest in me, I think he only views me as a friend. But he did ask me if I wanted to play checkers with him once (I said yes, I'll take any opportunity with him)...I honestly can't tell how he feels about me. But the friend I have that will be leaving used to be his boyfriend (they broke up a while ago) and she hates him. I feel so unsure about him now. :/

My mom walked out on us because my dad's been having an affair with another woman for the past 14 years, whom he has three other children with. Not even an hour later, he told me to pack up my room and be ready to live in the garage so that his new fiancee and their kids can move in. Apparently it doesn't matter if I live in the garage because I'm almost done with Junior year of high school, and I'll be moving out in about a year anyway...

I am so sick of an ongoing situation with somebody. Everytime somebody mentions their name, especially unexpectedly, I feel like I've just been kicked in the stomach.

Minor.

I haven't felt like reading for more than a few pages in a few weeks. Which isn't working because I have a dozen or more books I want/need to read before my birthday (when I'll be buying a dozen+ more...). Want/need meaning I haven't read them yet even though I've had some for over a year. I mean, I want to read but I just never feel like it. I don't like forcing myself to read because then I don't enjoy it as much. What's bad is that this keeps happening. I'll go through a period of doing nothing but reading, then I'll do this. Gah.

This may not have made sense. I just typed up my jumbled thoughts.

I just discovered that the guy I mentioned in my previous post is a total jerk, no interest in me whatsoever, and hates me because I'm friends with his ex. Talk about getting hopes crushed under a stomp.

After approximately four weeks with no real contact, mostly because I decided I wasn't going to bother if they weren't, no matter how much I wanted to, they text me today, basically looking for emotinal support/a self-esteem boost. And of course I gave it to them, because I'm an idiot, but now I think that actually I shouldn't have bothered. I'm not here just to make you feel better about yourself, and it's not as if I don't have my own things going on at the moment...but I feel like I can tell them about my things, so I get zero back in return basically.

What's bugging me now? Hmm, let me see...*cracks fingers*

My mom is selfish, unkind and uncaring. My sisters have become screeching beasts of doom, and mom does nothing about it, so far 5 remote controls are broken, 2 keyboards for the living room PC have been replaced, one hard-drive and an endless list of things they continue to do. I hate having to stay trapped in my room to get away from their screams and their annoying play style, I feel all choked up in the apartment and the area we live in is isolated from downtown so I can't go out for a walk, and the streets are filled with creepy looking people who are waiting to kill or rob anyone(over the top? Nah).

I also miss my friends badly, my best friends more than anyone else. I just want to crawl in my bed and cry, this is just too stressful, I have exams coming up this week, I have tons of material to study and I don't sleep well enough because of those God damned neighbors who won't shut the fuck up nor will shut their annoying little brats up, and for God's sake who locks a 3 year old in a balcony as a time off? Seriously?!

Oh, and to make me sound even more pathetic, I stalked my crush's FB page last night, collected some of his photos on my phone and proceeded to filter them and put them in heart shaped frames and cry over them.

I need to get out. Desperately!

Seriously mixed messages...that's cool. Timing's perfect, really, just as my exams start. Yeah, I'll sit and analyze every single aspect of what you've said instead of spending all my time focusing on studying instead.

Oh wait, no I won't. Make up your mind and then tell me what's on it.

No! I can't fall into this! I can't...I think I am. I can't resist anything lately!

I love how my World History teacher said, more like shouted, "THIS IS A COLLEGE LEVEL CLASS!!!"

We're all fourteen and fifteen years old. Do you really expect us to have the mentality of an eighteen year old and above? He has to realize that we're in HIGH SCHOOL! High school, dammit!

The weather is so hot and awful and I feel all cranky and pissed off.

Edit:

I just wrote a letter to him, you know to let it all out, it sounded pathetic, I am not going to send it but I hate myself so much, I can't find a word that describes it, my hatred for my own heart is more than my hatred for him, he did nothing but be charming and I did nothing but fall for him like the bloody idiot I am and make him see it, heck the school probably knows by now! I fucked up my new chance at this school, now I feel like I am being judged by everyone, my every move watched, I am scared, terrified and I feel broken on the inside and whenever I talk to my mom about it or my dad they just say that I brought it upon myself, how the fuck? Even if that was the case I can't just click undo, and like I said before, I can't hide my feelings, everything shows on my face, and this is just killing me so much right now, I moaned about this a lot before, I know but I am desperate, I need him out of my system, all this and we never even became friends, wonder what would've happened if we were. FMLxinfinity.

I need a hug.

Minor and Sims related.

Stupid bugged rails, won't go away. *grumble grumble* Ruining the house...

I wish I could just ignore real life and stay on the internet for a while, or sleep through the next couple of days. I really don't want to deal with people, or leave the house at all.

I can't/couldn't get into the AP classes (AP Literature, AP History or AP Bio) I want.

To get into an AP class, you have to have do honors classes, right? I couldn't get into honors freshman year cause of grades. K, then I improved. Couldn't get into them sophomore year because of GYM CLASS. The gym class was during the ONLY FUCKING HONORS LITERATURE PERIOD. I could live with being in normal literature, but the only REGULARS LITERATURE period is during the ONLY HONORS HISTORY PERIOD! The only regular history period is during the only honors Chemistry period. Fuck my life. Now this is my junior year. I managed to get into my honors classes. Next year I can't take AP classes because of Fucking. Gym. It's during the only AP Literature class period. The honors is during the only AP Biology period.

I Fucking. Hate. My. Life.

AND GYM CLASS OMFGHADG ASDGIUFSHAFDIUOGHSADIUFGH IF I TAKE AP CLASSES I SHOULDN'T NEED TO FUCKING DO GYM!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of Granola, and all of a sudden I felt weak.... and now I have a fever and I'm really sick. Ugh, what the hell -_-

In 1854, at Bakery Hill in Ballarat, 10,000 people swore allegiance to the Eureka Flag, the first time allegiance was sworn to a flag other than the British in the colonies of Australia. This and a heap of other things that it led to kind of drastically shaped Victoria and Australia and blahblahimporantblah not what this vent is about.
You know what is on that exact site today? A freaking McDonalds.

Can not believe that the people of North Carolina have actually voted in favour of Amendment 1. This is a blatant breach of civil rights for anyone who isn't already married!

One of my brothers has been to school for a third of a day this whole term. If he doesn't go more than 3 days in the next two weeks (and he's already missed all 3 days so far this week) Family Services is going to be contacted and he'll be taken from us.
That would be a good thing, if not for the fact that involvement with family services means the other brother and I might be taken as well, because they'll assume all of us were brought up the same way and will be the same. But it's like... It's not Mum & Dad or this family environment that are the problem. It's the boys. I'm fucking fine, thank you very much. Just because they're insane, murderously violent, refuse to go to school and don't respect or pay attention to any form of authority or discipline does not mean that I also am, and I hate the fact that I even have to ever say that.

I have an interview for a good job in the area I've been trying to break into for the last year. This is the first time I've been offered an interview out of I-don't-know-how-many job applications. I only work two weekdays a week. Of course the interview is on one of the days I work. I asked on Saturday if I could have the day off and work still haven't gotten back to me to say whether I can or not. At this stage I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to the interview regardless because that opportunity is more important than some part-time filler job. I'm just pissed off that they're taking such a long time and I'm fairly certain it's because they know it's to interview for another job.

I just got to know a girl in my class, who got into this school only a couple of years ago. We got really close the past couple of days and I found out that the only boy who was her everything broke up with her all because her so called best friend dissed her, told lies about her and made her a demon in his eyes. That girl is so broken now, and the best friend I am talking about is the ex of the boy I like, Samar, she still loves her ex but she also loves that girl's boyfriend, she told me herself and she told me that oh that girl broke up and she acted innocent now when I told that girl she didn't tell me at first Samar was the one who dissed her but I thought she should know that Samar likes her boyfriend, she was heartbroken. Samar is a backstabbing psycho! Her words are never the same, one day she says something the other she denies it, she lies and she breaks up people's lives. And I thought she was innocent too, now I want to burn her, she's probably the one who told my crush that I loved him.

Well, it looks like the psycho boy had a really fucked up girlfriend, hell, I ain't even mad at him anymore, if I dated someone that screwed up, I would become arrogant and crazy too.

On the other hand, my coffee is now cold, ho hum.

I feel like crap today and the massively delayed train journey home did not help. I just really want to be able to take a few days to just do nothing but sleep, eat and watch Harry Potter, but I can't do that until my finals are over.

Why does nothing ever work out the way you want it to?

My ex has become obsessed with me, claiming that he loves me more than anything and that I'm the best thing he ever had. Slightly flattering. The problems:

1. I was his first girlfriend, of course he considers me the best he's ever had
2. Admitted to only wanting me for sex, which I never gave to him
3. Admitted to faking our relationship for the five six months because he just wanted sex before he claims he legit fell in love.
4. Slept with several other girls when we were together
5. He's become stalker level creepy towards me.

Also, my friends are pretty much IGNORING me. They all notice each other when they look slightly sad, but they are amazed when they find out that I was sobbing hysterically. In full view. They invite each other to everything, and I end up only invited when I accidentally wander into their conversation about it. None of them want to text me, call or socialize with me outside of school, nor do they even care to ask for my number or anything. It feels like they only hang around with me because they feel sorry for me.

Sims related.

My Sim's kid is dating Miranda HOOKER?! WHAT THE HELL?

This pisses me off. SHE HAS KIDS, TOO. He better not be dating her for her money. I can't even change this because I refuse to relinquish control of my rabbit Sims for even a minute. Gaaah. Meanwhile, his older brother is engaged to Elvira Slayer, a Sim I rather like.

I fucked up a question on my test today all because I kept thinking how cute he looked today in those blue jeans.

I hate myself x infinity.

I wish I was brave. Not the sky-diving, bungee-jumping kind of brave...what's the point of all that in real life? No, I just wish I could tell people what I was really thinking and feeling when it mattered instead of saying nothing at all and then later thinking 'What if...' I'd only opened my mouth at the time. A few days ago a friend told me they were probably going to be moving up north in a few months. I'd already heard about this less than five minutes before from another friend, so I pretty much already knew what they were going to say and when they did indeed say it I did not react at all. I just said, "Oh right" and kept my face totally passive, but it wasn't because I didn't care, it was just that I had already steeled myself for what was coming. In fact, when I first heard it felt like my stomach and heart had been ripped out and replaced all wrong. But of course to this person it probably looked like I couldn't have cared any less where they were on the planet, when all I really wanted to say was something like, "NO! Please don't go!" or at least a more normal and restrained, "Don't forget me". But no, I said nothing. And I'm not even going to say anything, because their reaction might not be what I want and at the moment I don't know if I could stand that, even though a few months from now I'll be kicking myself and thinking that I should have said something because after all, what have I got to lose? (Other than my dignity.) Even if I did say something it would all come out wrong though, because when it really matters I simply cannot be articulate.

Dad took the day off work because of my brother's continued refusal to attend school. Today is the day after mother's day. You know how much a freaking jewellery store needs its owner/manager the day after mother's day? Ugh. Stupid brother is fucking up everything and I have absolutely had enough of it. From now on, I don't care who you are, if you skip or refuse to go to school without a clear and valid reason (No, Thomas, "I don't need school to make a career off YouTube" does not count as valid), I'm not going to give you one single bit of sympathy or understanding. I was a bit hypocritical about it with a couple of friends when the other brother was doing it a while ago, but no. All you're doing is ruining your own future, and if I'm the only one blunt (and heartless) enough to say that, then so be it.

EDIT: Dad's not in his work clothes again this morning. Shit, he never misses work. ;-;

I got up an extra half hour early to straighten my hair and put on some makeup and cute jewelry plus a new outfit I bought last week. Since I rarely do this, I thought I would look much nicer, especially with my new shirt and pants.

I look beauutttiiffuullll.

But of course, my car wouldn't start, even after a half hour of failed attempts. Oh, and I'm home alone with the only car because my dad's at work and my mom went on a roadtrip with her best friend. I went next door to ask my neighbor, this really nice nurse, if she can give me a ride. No answer. The neighbor on the other side. Her husband had already left for work with their only car. I called my dad. He said that I can just play hooky and hang out at home today.

Normally I would love this...but I look so cute and now I can't even show it off...I'd have to completely redo everything tomorrow which would make me kind of UGGHHMEH I HATE THIS.

I am tired, bored and I don't wanna study.

Man, how I am ready for Summer break. . .

I feel dizzy but I can't go to bed just yet because my nail polish hasn't dried yet.

I also hate my teachers right now, they are nice and all but they are thieves when it comes to money.

I've now had two perfectly good opportunitites to say something and I haven't. First on Sunday night when we were texting until 1am, and then this morning when it was just the two of us. Ugh, why do people have to move away? I was thinking about my close friends this morning and not one of them lives near me, or even in the same county. To see any of them would involve at least an hour and a half journey best case scenario, but my best friend lives about three hours away. I just miss people sometimes.

So turns out he wanted to see me before I came back, only he didn't tell me, so now I'm left wondering what would've happened and what will happen when I finally manage to see him. I just want us to finally sort our things out, I've had a crush on him for nearly two years now.

I'm so tired.

My roommate gave the pizza delivery guy a 20% tip, and he goes "that all you got?" I was perplexed.

Next year I am finally the top of my school's food chain. I'll be a motherfucking SENIOR. My school conveniently decides that this is the year we'll have uniforms. Even the Seniors. Basically, I get to buy uniforms that will literally cost me $5000 (because I have to have shoes, socks/tights, skirts, dresses, pants, shirts, sweaters, and even fucking HAIRBANDS, BELTS AND BACKPACKS from this certain store. Each shirt is nearly $100, the pants averaging $150 and $200 shoes.) I'm the youngest in my family. I have to wear these expensive uniforms that I wear for a year, and I literally have NOBODY to hand them down too. Oh, and did I mention that the store won't accept returns at the end of the year for seniors? No senior discounts either. But the school said that we may DONATE OUR $2000 FUCKING UNIFORMS FOR CHILDREN NEXT YEAR WHO CAN'T AFFORD THEM. WTF I CAN'T AFFORD THEM THIS YEAR! THAT $5000 I'M SPENDING ON ONE SCHOOL YEAR OF CLOTHING THAT IS SERIOUSLY REALLY FUCKING UGLY COULD PAY FOR MY COLLEGE DORM!!!!!!

If some of you remember some of my posts here, you know I have a bone marrow disorder called "Kostmann's Syndrome." It's a rare disorder in which my bone marrow doesn't produce enough of the type of cells that fight off diseases. I'm about to go a little genetic here, it was first thought that both my mom and dad were recessive carriers of the disease and passed it down to me, but a couple of days ago my dad found out that he also has it, and it's dominant. meaning that my mother never carried the disease, my dad had the dominant gene and a 50% chance of passing it down to his children. My dad only found out, because it was discovered that my baby brother has it (my half baby brother, and doctors didn't think that his second wife was also a carrier). None of my other siblings have it, only me and him. (Guess we were the lucky ones).

The issue though is that it means that we also have the gene as a dominant trait, meaning I have a 50/50 chance of passing it down to my kids, and I definitely wouldn't want my kids to suffer what I've been through with this disease.

I guess I need to have a serious sit down with myself, and consider if I ever want to have kids or not, I mean .... there's always adoption.

But I don't really want to think about all of that right now, I'm almost done with my freshmen year of college, think I'm just going to enjoy my youth, and allow my older 30-year-old self to worry about all of that in the future.

That's the end of my vent! Later . . .

I had two perfect chances today to talk to him, but he doesn't even see me. Weird thing is, I caught several times looking in my direction, could be my imagination but still, this is frustrating. D:

You know that project that I did on Saturday or Sunday or one of those days? My school lost it.

They lost it.

They fucking lost a TRI-FOLD BOARD! Are you serious? It's SO BIG! How on Earth can you lose a Tri-Fold board?!? To top it off, my English teacher, a head teacher for this project, accuses me of never bringing it in! Bitch. If they don't find it, I'm not doing it over again. I'm fucking done with this project...

I was flipping through my high school yearbook that I just got today. I redid my first picture because I looked awful because I was really sick that day and didn't really even know that pictures were being taken that day. The second picture, I looked really nice with my hair done, make-up on and a nice smile. Guess which picture they put in of me? That's right. They completely left me out. Didn't put a picture of me in there, not even my name and no picture available.

The school forgot I existed/attended.

What's sad is that this is the third year this has happened.

What's sadder is that the Yearbook adviser is the same adviser for the school Newspaper, which I'm on and not only that but I'm also in her Honors American Literature class and I TA for her. She approved the page.

Our ISP has concluded that we can never get better internet from them and we have to put up with shitty speed and constant drop-outs. Apparently, if we were to come to them as a new customer, they wouldn't say they could give us internet. It's only because of the business connection with Dad. So, that means literally not one single ISP can cover us. And the National Broadband Network isn't even getting to us. You would think I live in the middle of the fucking Simpson Desert, but no, I live 10km out of the 5th biggest town in Victoria. I'm pretty sure the middle of the Simpson Desert would have better internet than I do, actually. And everything else. We don't get natural gas, town water, mobile service, consistent electricity, or completely reliable TV signal, either. Even the landline isn't anywhere near perfect. I swear there is a giant signal-blocking bubble around us or someshit.
WHY. DO. I. HAVE. TO. LIVE. IN. SUCH. A. GODDAMN. HOLE.

They STILL can't find my project. Tomorrow I'm supposed to present it. I am so PISSED!

One of my best friends has just broken up with her first boyfriend so, naturally, she's devastated. It's so hard to see her like this. She's normally so bubbly and chipper and now she's just so teary. I've volunteered my house on Saturday night for a chocolate and ice cream session.

Just had a minor heart attack when some weird file began downloading itself.

I think I stopped it but.. fark. That terrified me.

Thirteen school days will not go by as fast as I want them to. Bleh.

Damn it all, why did I pack up my TS2 games?! I want to replicate a castle on TS2 into a TS3 castle.

BUT MY GAMES ARE PACKED. And I don't know which box they're in...

Feeeeehhh.

I feel so, so used.

Why is the internet being so fricking annoying at the moment?! Just stay connected!

I wish I were braver.

I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, but why can't we ever keep plans we make for the weekend? Very rarely do we make plans to go north and actually GO north. It's always "we'll go tomorrow" or "I have a headache." I know the last one does make me sound annoying, but honestly, why would you eat something that you know gives you a headache before we go?! Just why?

Meh. Plus, if we actually do get up and don't have headaches, if we're even one hour off schedule, they don't want to go anymore because it.. I just don't know why there. We spend only a few hours up there anyways, who cares if we're a couple hours late?

I'll probably regret posting this later, but right now I'm just annoyed.. I'll delete it if we end up going.

I almost got kicked off my newspaper team because I didn't get my story done. Why didn't I get my story done? Our new editor-in-chief didn't give me my story. She was too busy sucking face with the other editor-in-chief. Yeah, our EIC are dating. The boy is the adviser's son, and the other is his girlfriend. I'm fine with him being EIC. He's a great one, he always gets his shit done, he always makes time to answer my questions or complaints about my story/the paper and take them into serious consideration. She throws a story at me, ignores me when I ask her what she wants with the story and the best answer I got out of her was "Um...just write...something about tennis. Joshie!" and then went off to make out with her boyfriend.

Don't be wrong. I love her as my friend. She was my friend before EIC and she still is. I just fucking hate her as an EIC because she sucks. She's too focused on her boyfriend to do her job.

I put a little bit of trust in my eight year old brother and went to take a nap.
I wake up, and he's slamming every door in our rented house with two of his friends who have been told multiple times they aren't allowed to be here when my mother isn't home.
Oh, and then he ran off with them until 7pm.
Even though I took his laptop and TV cord.

And this is why I am never reproducing.

After work on Wednesday, I asked my manager when she had rostered me on next. She said it'd be sometime this week, and that she'd text me before then end of the weekend to tell me what day it'd be. Well, it's Sunday night and she hasn't contacted me. For good measure, I tried calling in today to find out, but she wasn't working, so that was pointless.

I'm 98% sure my shift is on Tuesday, but a small, niggling part of my brain is saying that it's tomorrow, 10 - 4. Seeing as we don't open until 9, I won't be able to find out until less than an hour before my shift might start, and then it's just going to be a huge rush to get to work. I understand that my boss has a lot on her plate, but surely letting her employees know when they're working is pretty important!

I had my moment of not being able to sleep last night. It happens, it's Saturday night, and the last time I remember looking at my clock, it said 2:30am. My mom BURST into my room screaming her fucking head off at 4:30 to get my lazy, useless ass up and walk the goddamn dog because he was whining and scratching at the front door. I was pissed, but if they dog had to go, he had to go so I put on some pants and a jacket and went downstairs.

My dog wasn't at the front door. Where was he? He was in his normal sleeping spot (in my dirty laundry basket in the laundry room) SLEEPING. When I went in and asked him if he had to go potty (when I ask him, he gets excited, runs in circles and barks) but he just looked at me, got up, turned around and plopped back down with a sigh and soon was snoring away. I figured that maybe he got impatient with me and went in the house (we have pee pads for him that he goes on if we forget to walk him) but I searched the entire house and found nothing. I told my mom, who screamed that I needed to walk him anyway. So I pretty much had to pick up my dog and carry him to the front door because he refused to move (and was pretty pissed that I woke him up) and took him on a walk. And by walk, I mean we crossed the street before he plopped the sidewalk and fell asleep again.

I stood there for ten minutes to pretend that I walked him then carried him home and put him back in the basket and went to bed.

Then my mom burst into my room at 7 am to walk him AGAIN. The dog was still sleeping!

I'm not against walking the dog when it's not his normal walking times, but for the love of fucking Jesus, if the DOG IS ASLEEP, THEN HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T NEED TO FUCKING WALK!

GOD, there's so many things on my head right now, I feel like I'm about to explode. First, I'm sick again (caught a cold), second, finals, thrid, lots of fights with lots of people because I'm bitchy when I've so many things on my freaking head. I just want summer vacation so badly.

I could really do with an extra day to study for the exam I have tomorrow morning, but obviously an extra day is not going to magic itself into the calender between May 20th and May 21st, so I'm going to have to stay up late tonight and get up early tomorrow morning to attempt to learn everything more thoroughly instead.

I'm shaking and crying and I wish I had someone to constantly tell me that I'm good enough for all this and I'm going to be fine.

Don't you hate it when you go the majority of a series reading from one character's perspective, then the author turns around and changes it to another character's?

I feel like I've been slapped in the face when that happens. (And no, I'm not talking about Twilight.)

Our water ran out tomorrow. EDIT: UGH I MEAN YESTERDAY WHERE IS MY BRAIN.
Remember my massive vent about all the things we don't have on the last page? I think I forgot to mention we don't get town water. And it costs shitloads to fill our tank and everyone always forgets to check it and it is really hard to shower without water gaaaaah.

EDIT: And, the guys that were driving the tanker that gave us more water managed to break our pump. Then the plumbers were 3 hours late. And now our main shower is hardly working.
At least we have water back I guess, but still.

Who throws a party on a Sunday? Woke up with the hangover from Hell. I've been sipping Ginger Ale all day.... why is it called Ginger Ale if it doesn't taste like Ginger or Ale anyway? Almost as disappointing as when I found out there's no Santa.

Soooo, my project was found. Where was it? WITH ALL THE OTHER PROJECTS! Damn, the teachers at my school are such idiots. Holy crap...

Woke up with the cold my boss had. I was looking forward to an eventful week off, catching up with friends and running a lot of errands, but now I can hardly even think of standing.

Wow, okay. Let's scratch all that. Today has just been awful.

I'm so mad at everyone at this stupid university and I just want to go home.

I can't handle the advanced Indonesian track I'm doing because the teacher I've got is horrible. I'd be fine with the subject, but she's a horrible teacher. I'm spending more time on Indo than all my other subjects combined, even when I'm meant to be revising for exams in all my other subjects and I've just got normal work from Indo. I never do anything in class because she never tells us what we're actually meant to do, and if she does, it's normally something she hasn't taught us anything about. Google translate has taught me much more than she has this year. I don't even want to do the language, I just did it... well, I can't even remember why.
But I'm way too stubborn to drop out, and it's the only class I have with my kind-of-best-friend, and whenever anyone drops out this teacher comments "Well, <name> must have been too stupid to keep up in this class!". I can not handle being called stupid, especially by a teacher. I wish I'd done International Issues from the start.

A lot of people are telling me that my best friend (a boy) has a crush on me. I can see where they're coming from (he's very sweet, will drop anything to help me and always surprises me with random little gifts especially when I'm feeling down), but I honestly don't want to ruin the awesome best friend-ness we've had since we were seven. I feel like we'll either end up being the perfect couple, or we'll quickly loose the amazing friendship we have.

This project situation will never get better. I hate this... >.<

Also, I feel blah lately.

My aunt's dog died today. He was 14... I practically grew up with that guy and it made me really sad. I can't imagine the suffering my aunt's going through. I HATE death.

Minor, and I found another video with it, but how can Youtube claim copyright to a fanmade Vocaloid song? Eh? How?