Sometimes I really hate listening to people complaining about things that are wrong in their lives, even though I do it all the time too (I mean, I'm doing it right now). I just want to shout, "Well do something about it then!" It's not as if telling me repeatedly about these things is going to fix any of it and it really gets kind of irritating after a while.

I wish I could sleep through the day and stay up at night to write, but I just have to have a normal sleeping schedule and go to work every morning. Ugh, being (almost an) adult sucks.

I just had an incredibly stupid and childish fight with my mother and now I am in such a bad mood. I can't stand this place any longer, I just want to book a flight anywhere. Why am I not braver? I keep on and on asking myself this question, because by the time I have the money and the freedom to do something stupidly crazy like go traveling I'll have too many responsibilities to actually do it. I think if one of my friends said they wanted to go too then I would actually do it. I just don't want to do it alone. Now is such a perfect time to go as well. I could take next year out without too much difficulty.

Edit: Jeez, you ask somebody how moving into their new place is going and this is what you get in reply "Just signed the contract and paid the deposit. Get the keys on Friday. Fancy coming to help me christen the place?" Christen the place how? Maybe I just have a really dirty mind, but then the thing is, I know he does too.

So.Damn.Bored!

Ugh!

My phone has decided that actually playing my ringtone or even vibrating when someone calls me is completely unnecessary, so I've missed three calls in the last day alone. I should really get a new phone...

I'm so mad at everything and everyone and I can't stop crying and I just wish I had someone to talk to.

I rang dad on skype this morning after seeing him online for the first time in a few days... turns out he'd been in hospital after having a stroke and no one had been able to get in contact with me. I want to go home now and look after him

^ Oh, I hope he's okay!

This is minor in comparison, but.

I look around my room and see literally hundreds of things to read, dozens of things to play, dozens of things to watch, dozens of things to translate, dozens of things to unpack, clean, organize and the list goes on.

Yet what do I do? Sit here and complain that I'm bored. What is wrong with me?

EDIT: Dropped a can of Easy-Off on my foot.

Let out the manliest grunt my girly 16-year-old throat could muster.

Owww.

I hope your dad is alright, Geah!

This is completely minor in comparison, but...
Please let it stop raining because I'm supposed to be going out later and I've cut my hair to a length where it is no longer acceptable that it gets wet, and while I don't want to be the girl who's concerned about getting her hair wet, I also don't want to be the girl with the afro because of extreme humidity issues with her hair/if one drop of water touches so much as one strand of hair my whole head will look like a small nuclear bomb went off in my hair.

Why do people just walk straight into rooms when the door is shut? Obviously somebody's taken the time to shut the door for a reason, say, oh I don't know, privacy?

Work. Again. I just want a regular weekend back!

I think I'm getting a cold. I hate summer colds. In fact I hate colds period.

Edit: And now I can't find my USB. It's not in the place I usually keep it and I haven't used it in so long that I can't recall where I put it.

My university handed down some new graduation requirements for creative writing majors, and one of them is that we all need to take a studio art course-- something like sculpting, painting, sketching, etc. I have a great appreciation for visual art, but I've never been a good visual artist, and I don't particularly enjoy dabbling in any of it. I enjoy looking at others' work, but have neither the talent nor the interest for creating my own. I'm really not looking forward to this, and it's stressing me out because it'll be another class on top of an already-packed schedule-- I have two minors, a fellowship program with additional classes, and a semester of an off-campus internship to accomplish on top of my major. The last thing I need is another required class. I feel like I'll be wasting my time.

Ugh, the future stresses me out.

To do the next year of my course you have to join the profession's regulation authority as a student member, which you have to pay for. It really pained me to spend that amount of money when I basically get nothing in return other than being able to say I'm a member. Why is life so expensive these days?

I'm sweating all over. It's so hot where I live and we are having a drought! If the power goes out we are all going to die..... Plus, they closed down the pool and our air conditioning is broken.

School is about two and a half weeks away for me, and it's stressing me out. I'm trying to finish up AP homework, get my school uniform, constantly needing reassurance from the school academic counselor that my schedule isn't conflicting and that I will have all the credits I need to graduate, signing off the last bit of enrollment papers, school shopping, booking more chances to take my SATs in the fall and more. At the same time, I'm studying for my summer Psychology class final while I look at colleges, adding and crossing off potentials off my list as I call some of the ones I'm falling in love with to book an appointment to come and browse the campus. It's such a handful, and I'm also desperately trying to fit in some last summer with my friends time and a few dates with my new boyfriend before he moves an hour and half drive away to college.

Oh yay. A few more weeks until school. My friends surprised me by coming over and it sucks because my parents only speak German and I have to translate since my 10 year old twin sisters weren't there. How much more do I have to translate!

I have about five application forms filled out but none of them are actually complete because I've got one or two questions left on every single one of them. Stupid questions, like 'Describe yourself in three words'. I hate this.

My heart is heavy for the 12 families who lost loved ones in the movie shooting. Reading the last tweets of Jessica Redfield is heart wrenching. I say all the time to keep your family close <3

Awful day at work today, I'm so stressed out I'm actually shaking, and the weekend and next week are going to be the same.

Having a cold in the middle of July is not my idea of fun. I am sure it's not anyone's idea, too.

To the asshole on my street who has been playing the same shitty dubstep playlist for the last three hours with the bass up so high my bedroom is shaking, I will end you.

A friend mentioned a few weeks ago about going to a theme park tomorrow and said she would let me know but she's only just text me about it. She's quite flaky so I had assumed it wasn't happening because it was so close to the day. I'm really irritated that she's assumed I've kept the day free on the off-chance that she still wanted to do something and that's she's giving me so little notice. I had planned to finish several more application forms tomorrow; if I'd known this was still happening I'd have done them early in the week. The worst part is if she'd let me know earlier I could have booked my ticket in advance for half the price it's now going to cost tomorrow if I go.

I wish that those I call my friends actually acted that way.

I have one question left on this application form but I just cannot think of an answer. I only need to write 250 words but my mind is a blank. You have to describe a particularly challenging experience and how you dealt with it. I can think of plenty of those types of experiences but none of them are things I'd particularly like a potential employer to know about.

My room is hot, I am moody, I am pissed off and I really want someone to cuddle with and sing me to sleep.

Basic human rights, yo.

I need a vacation.

I finished all my phone credit talking to a friend yesterday, I spent over 80 bucks so now I am broke and can't call anyone. Not to mention my room is a horrible mess and I am so tired all the time to do anything.

My grandmother has high blood pressure, takes medication, and starts fucking drinking again. Seven months just went out the fucking door. It's not like it's one on occasion. Oh no, it's multiple drinks starting at four in the afternoon. I really hope my mother is true to what she said months ago (when she first started talking about drinking again) and kicks her out for starting again.

I seriously want to turn into the Hulk and punch a wall.

I can't help but feel hated by everybody at my school. Nobody invites or accepts my invites out. I tried telling some friends how I felt and they all ganged up on me and insisted they invited me to everything this summer. No, you didn't. I feel so socially rejected and hated that I want to cry. I just want a friend that actually wants to hang out on occasion instead of constantly making me feel like shit by ignoring me. It's stuff like this that gives me an underlining hate of people.

We ran out of feminine products and today commenced that lovely time of the month. Just my luck.

I'm feeling really nervous about so many things at the moment. This is going to be a stressful month.

So first a magic EP is announced. People say, "We want Seasons!"

A Seasons EP is announced.

Now what do people say? "We want OFB/Uni/etc!"

Isn't anyone ever satisfied? For Pete's sake, I was satisfied when freaking Late Night was announced. Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy excited for both, but people always want more and it bugs me.

I've gotten all the signs that my period is coming (my skin has magically cleared up, my back aches, I've been having crazy dreams) but there's absolutely no sign of it. I'd really like for it to just make its appearance at get over and done with.

You know when one thing goes wrong, or doesn't go how you planned it or wanted it to go, and then suddenly you turn on yourself? Like you start attacking everything about yourself and your life, telling yourself how you're never going to amount to anything and you're unattractive and fat and nobody will ever love you because you're such a failure so you may as well stop trying with everything, even though you know that it's both irrational and entirely unconnected to that one minor event that set it all off.

Ugh.

Edit: You know what else? There is nothing more embarrassing than having your parents see you cry. I don't mind my mother so much, she sees it quite regularly, but my father...it's so awkward when he tries to have an uplifting conversation with you. He came into my room and shut the door and sort of wandered around a bit, then kept trying to say these comforting things but it was all just...massively awkward. So then he left.

I'd be satisfied if they fixed all the freaking glitches and save errors. I'm sure Seasons and Supernatural will break a lot of the game, and Seasons will lag like a motherf.
People wanting more and more is just humanity. You don't see the super-rich buttheads that could buy anything they want being content, do you?

--
It's always nice to spend upwards of half an hour thinking you were cheated on.

^ Bill Gates seems pretty content.

I'm halfway to deciding to try and apply to go to a boarding school as soon as I can get into one because I can't stand living with my family much longer. Apparently we're going to live in two houses soon anyway, and neither Mum or Dad really want me to live with them so I have to find somewhere, I guess. Freaking woot.



EDIT: v Last time I talked to you much you called everyone a butthead, so. xD

^ I thought of that, hence why I simply said "super-rich buttheads." xD

Edit: ^ This is true. Butstill.

So we got all of our school shopping done, but now my feet have blisters and I'm way too overheated. Blegh.
Summers were more bearable in New Mexico. Dafuq?

God, some people are so disgustingly racist that it makes me feel physically ill to have to be around them.

My dad is ranting about burning the house down because "there's too much shit in it".

...If you believe that "there's too much shit" in the house, then throw some shit out. The only problem is nobody throws anything out. And people call me the worst of the house. I'm more than willing to throw everything in my room out. Except my laptop and Sims games. They're mine forever.

Nothing like your period to ruin a perfectly lovely weekend, particularly when you've run out of the pills you use to take the edge of the cramps.

The fact that my Dad's not well is really starting to hit home. I hope the doctors can figure what is wrong with him soon, because at this rate he's going to wind up in hospital again.

I feel like I am living in a nightmare and I can't wake up.

So far today my laptop has stopped working and my period has finally decided to make an appearance. The past weekend has just been awful. Life really knows how to kick you when you're down.

Youtube went on a video-deleting spree last night.

Poo. Now the albums I was listening to are gone.

Trust me, I'd totally buy them if we had the money, but we don't. That's another vent of its own.

At least my Vocaloid music is intact... for now.

My brother opened up my laptop to take a look (not convinced he knows what he's doing, but he seems to think he does). As far as I can tell he hasn't actually done anything inside of it, but at least he's put it back together again. So I've turned it on and it seems to be okay, but now I'm really paranoid about using it just in case. The same thing went wrong with it last year and my brother opened it up then and after that it didn't have any problems until now, but still... I was looking at getting a new computer anyway, so I guess it's not the end of the world seeing as I do have the money saved up. It's just that I wasn't going to buy a new one just yet because I figured there was no point if I had a perfectly fine laptop and I should save the money in case I end up needing it for something else. Now I feel as if I have no choice but to buy a new one. This is the fifth bad thing to happen since Friday (although in terms of money by far the most expensive one) - what happened to bad luck coming in threes?

Bright side, at least now that it's on I can save onto a USB the second half of something I wrote just last night onto and hadn't backed up. I was really panicking about that. And I just got asked to babysit tomorrow night, so I suppose I can add that money to the 'everything is going wrong and will cost ridiculous amounts of money to be fixed' fund.

After weeks of painful arguing with the company, I finally got my uniforms. And they don't fit. They sent the wrong pant size, the skirt is too short, and my blouse won't button up because of my boob size. I normally have to get an X-Large to accommodate them, but the fucking company only goes up to a large so I had to pray a large would fit. The school is mandatory button-up, and when I called the company to complain and beg to just sew the logo onto another blouse (even though it wasn't on the school approved list, it would be better than the unbuttonable shirt), they blew me off and told me to have it custom made. It would cost $400 a shirt and five weeks to make and another three to ship and they would ship the new pants with it. School starts next week, and I ordered these uniforms in May so that I could make sure I got them and they fit well before school. I don't want to get custom made either, because I'm wearing this shit for one school year. It's not even worth it either with the material, and it's not like I'd wear them when I go to college or something (the shirts have a huge, very custom school logo on it). I have no clue what I'm going to end up wearing now...

I applied for a position as a writing tutor at my university, and I just learned that I didn't get it on the grounds that they're trying to hire upperclassmen, whereas I'm just a sophomore. What sense does that make? By the time the new tutors are trained, they'll be close to graduation. What really makes me angry about it is that I'm exceedingly qualified-- I tutored for four years at all levels: elementary school, middle school, and high school. I was the president of the tutoring initative at my high school. I've edited others' writing for years in student journalism as a section editor and a copy editor, which enables me to edit for both greater concerns of style and little concerns of grammar. My recommendations were glowing, and the interview went really well. I don't mean to be full of myself, but I can't imagine any reason that I'm not qualified for the job other than the fact that I'm not in the right grade. Why the hell did they let me apply and get my hopes up if they were going to reject me simply because I'm not old enough?

This is the fourth straight day of backaches and killer cramps, my laptop has had to be totally restored for the third time in three months, and I lost an edge piece for the jigsaw I was doing. Phooey.

I swear I have zero confidence regarding everything. How I look, how I dress and what I do. Everything I do just seems crap.

I just woke up . . . and it's nearly 2 in the afternoon. I have work in 2 hours. I have never slept in this late in my life.

Some of my friends have a group email going about meeting up in two weeks time for some drinks. I replied (to the entire group) saying that I'm spending that weekend with a friend but that depending on what time they met up I might be able to come for one drink on my way to my friend's place. Then 'Bob' sends a reply just to me, asking me who this friend is, whether it's a boy, and are we going to Paris? I said I was spending the weekend with a friend and suddenly in his head it's become some sort of romantic weekend break in Paris with a boyfriend. I don't know exactly what kind of life he thinks I'm leading, but that is so far from the truth that it's laughable. Even if it wasn't it really is none of his business.

IT'S TOO HOT.

Seriously, it's 108 and getting hotter. And we have at least 3 more days of 105+.

My boyfriend lives with his grandmother, and although she does like me a lot, she full-heartedly believes that we are sexually active because I'm on the pill and we're in our late teens. We aren't, and we had actually had a conversation about sex. We both agree that neither one of us has any desire to have sex before marriage because of personal and religious beliefs. He's told her this, but she doesn't believe us. Generally, I don't care, but she's his closest family member, and I really want to keep a friendly relationship with her. It still irks me so heavily because it's not true.

A guy I'm good friends with and I both wanted to date each other but because of how busy my life is we didn't. We had a long discussion and he decided it'd be best for him to move on and he's asked me not to contact him for the next little while. I know it's for the best and I knew it would happen but I didn't expect to feel as badly as I do about it.

My cousin is an idiot. And I have a smartass reply to that post, but I can't post it, because I have to be nice to her because family.

So in the past week, my two FB accounts were hacked. Every picture I hold dear to me was stolen and a false account with my name has been made and plenty of people believed that falsie is in fact me or someone I know. Thus, ending my online social life because everyone now thinks I am a liar and that I want to steal their accounts. FML.

I borrowed a DVD boxset from work and got it home to find the second disc was cracked. If I have to pay for this I'll be so angry.

Virtually every time I've slept the past few days, I've woken up from some extremely vivid dream or another either crying, yelling out, or reaching for something that isn't actually there.
I feel like crap.

..And school starts in four days. Sigh.

I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days and it's driving me INSANE.

My favorite jeans have a massive hole in them.



EDIT: It causes me physical pain when people use words wrong, when it's so damn easy to use them correctly.

I really hate facebook sometimes. This evening I noticed several of my friends from a particular group of high school friends had RSVP'd to an event called something like 'Long Overdue Catch-up'. So naturally I click on the event to check it out (come on, we all do it) and the eight people who have been invited were this entire group of high school friends and I didn't get invited. Last time I saw them was just after Christmas when there was a group meet up and now suddenly, after four years of keeping in touch, that's it? I'm out? Either the girl organizing it deliberately didn't invite me or she forgot, but either way it's not a great feeling. She's even said on the event 'Oh, everybody can bring a plus one, just let me know'. So plus ones are invited too?? And nobody else has mentioned on the event wall about inviting me. I can't even go because I'm going away that weekend but it's not like they knew that. I don't know if I'm just being childish about this or if I should feel rightly hurt...

This is why I feel like I should delete my facebook again. I hate when you see something like this and you just feel hurt and humiliated.

My English teacher basically said "you can't disagree with the essay topic you'll get a higher score for because I'm a romantic and if you write an essay about how Romeo & Juliet's love doesn't overpower the feud between the two families I'll mark it down because you're too negative". I'm sorry, since when was a teacher's personality able to interfere with assessment tasks? I'm not a romantic. I don't want to write a bunch of lovey-dovey shit that I don't believe. I also don't want to do the easier topic about whose fault the deaths were, because there's so much help given for that he may as well have written the whole thing for us.

Besides, the last three words of the topic are "Do you agree?". If we can't say "no", then why put the topic?

EDIT: Oh for god's sake. One of the brothers has been yelling and screaming for the past three hours. Seriously. And now Dad's all pissed off so I can't try and talk to him about subject selection for next year because he'll just brush me off and go back to yelling back at aforementioned brother.

Work short paid me by $101. Grr. Just grrr!

Today I went to the bank to open a new savings account and this bank worker guy took me into the office to have a meeting about it. He started talking away like we’re friends or something, and then he asked what I do. His reponse upon hearing what I do was, ‘Oh, like Ally McBeal? You ever watch that show?’ So I said, ‘Um, not really…’ and then he writes Ally McBeal down on my form and starts calling me it. I (naturally) asked ‘What are you doing, that’s not my name…’ and he said he’s put it down as a reminder of who I am for when I next come in (which is going to be never after that meeting). Then he moved on to asking me about plans for my birthday two months away, whether I was an avid bible reader and other such vitally important facts that must be confirmed before you open a bank account. Afterwards I was checking what he'd put down on the form with which he opened the account (nobody wants a bank account under the name Ally McBeal, unless their name actually is Ally McBeal). Right name, but he completely screwed up the tax information after I made a point of telling him and watching him write it down. Now I have to wait at least another week for them to sort it out. My mother said afterwards, "Maybe he should concentrate a little more on his job rather than hitting on you."

I'm tearing up that business card he gave me. Jerk.

The painter who's supposed to paint my room decided to start working on my room the day I go out with my friends and it's the only day I could see them and I won't see them again till school starts in September, except a friend who's moving schools and I won't see her again till summer break. And there is no possible way to switch the appointments because my mom and sisters might come home any day which sucks and I just want to see my friends and this sucks. Totally sucks.

I sound like such a brat but honestly, I am too tired to care.

The nearest I've had to a close friend since about 2006 decided to ditch our group and take another of the nice girls with her. Thanks, life. Fucking thanks. As if I didn't already have enough to deal with.

EDIT: Now she's defending herself to another friend and saying we're just assuming things. Um, what? No, actually, everything you did today did actually happen...

Too tired to function.

I am in such a bad mood. I needed a ride to a particular station tomorrow morning as there's no bus there from where I live. I asked my father and he said he was driving into the city tomorrow so no lift for me. The cheapest train goes at 11.00 but my father said he'd take me if I got the 10.00 train which cost about a third more, so I agreed. Only today he told me he wasn't going to take me to the station I need tomorrow after all (already bought the tickets...), but he'd drop me off at a station on the way and I could take a train to the station I needed. Not only has the cost of the journey now doubled from what it was originally going to be seeing as I now have to pay for an extra journey (during peak hours which I was deliberately trying to avoid), but my father is also insisting that he leave the house at 9.10. That gives me fifty minutes to drive to the station, buy my ticket for the first part of the journey, wait for a train and do the journey to the station I need, where I then need to collect my pre-paid ticket before I can catch my proper train. Fifty minutes is cutting it seriously fine.

Then just now I hear him telling some friends of his that we, as a family, can all come to afternoon tea next Friday. He didn't ask a single one of us if we actually could come and I've had plans for over a month to go stay with friends from university next Friday, so as a matter of fact I can't go. This also means that next Friday there will be no ride to the station seeing as the time of the afternoon tea is pretty much exactly the same time as the train I need.

I feel so selfish and childish being all, 'Oh, I don't get rides to the station so that I can meet all my friends and have my social life, life is sooo unfair', but the last time I got a ride to anywhere was back at the beginning of July. Usually I walk the three miles to the station but I can't do that when I'm going away for a weekend and have a large bag. We live in a really rural area and I went to school quite far away so I have virtually no friends living nearby and to see anybody I need to get to the station first. I've hardly seen anybody for the past month and a half and I'm just so annoyed that the few times I actually get to see people and go somewhere everything has to be so difficult and my father has to act like I'm being completely unreasonable and selfish by "always going out". I'm not. I don't think he appreciates how isolated it is here when you don't have any transport available.

Dust is everywhere! Freaking everywhere!

Starting from scratch when it comes to Sims 3 custom content... and I don't know really where to start. D:

I had to wait for over an hour and a half in the doctor's waiting room to get a meningitis shot. I hate getting shots. And now I can't move my left arm without getting into a searing amount of pain.

Whenever people ask me to do something, I say yes. But when I ask someone to do something "NONONONONONONO." I hate people.

Dear 35-40 year old man,

You are about as smooth as a gravel road with pot holes. Don't try and hit on me, you're a creep.

Sincerely,

Pissed off 19-year-old

Short story: The high school friend that I went to stay with, Emma, had her drink spiked last night.

Long story: We went to this club and a couple of guys came up to us and offered to buy us drinks. I said no thanks and ordered our own drinks at the bar. We both took our drinks straight from the bartender and I never put mine down and I'm pretty sure Emma didn't either, but we spoke to those guys for a few minutes. We went to the bathroom, where out of nowhere Emma said she was going to be sick and suddenly she was throwing up. I feel really bad now, but at the time I thought maybe she'd had one drink too many even though she kept on saying that she's never gotten drunk and thrown up and how she and I had had the same amount to drink. We were in the bathroom for over two hours while she was periodically sick and sort of going in and out of it. Then she started freaking out and telling me not to touch her. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It was just the two of us, I've never been to that area before and was hundreds of miles from home and everyone I know, and I didn't want to get thrown out because staff thought she was drunk because then we'd have been on a street at night with me having no idea how to get her home. I tried to get her out of the club so I could call a cab but she just wouldn't, or couldn't, get up. In the end I took her phone out of her purse to look for the cab company's number and saw that one of her friends had been texting her. I'd met him the day before, so I called him up (at about 1am) and he drove to the club. Security helped me take her out to him and she started saying to one of the security guards that she thought her drink had been spiked. There were police outside so we went up to them and Emma was full on panicking, so the policeman called a paramedic and they came to check her out and take a blood sample, then her friend drove us back to her apartment.

This morning she called up the club to say thank you to the security guard who helped and they told her that after we left this guy got arrested for spiking another girl's drink (she had the same reaction as Emma, vomitting and passing in and out), so they checked the security footage and said that although they couldn't actually see if anything was put in her drink, we'd been talking to the guy who'd been arrested. It must have been one of the two who had offered to buy us drinks. Emma said that she didn't think she'd put her drink down, but that she had been leaning in to hear what he was saying and to talk to him, so he could have slipped something into her drink then.

Things like this just put me off clubs even more. It just makes me feel so sick to think there are people that low out there, not to mention how completely stupid that guy was...he must have seen us leaving with security and go straight up to the policeman outside the club because we had to walk through the club to get out, but he still spiked some other girl's drink afterwards in full view of the security cameras. Talk about scum.

I've been back at work for two weeks now and been paid twice since ... My first payslip after being back was short over a hundred dollars and my second one last night has been docked of half an hour for my not getting a single break during an 8 hour shift - even after I had the bloody time sheet signed off by my manager precisely so I wouldn't get it docked. So I work hard and am kept busy for the entire 8 hours that I don't get a chance to use the loo let alone sit down and do nothing for 30 minutes and I get money taken away from me? Bloody wankers the lot of them . . . If things keep up like this and they can shove their job, I'll go elsewhere!

Sometimes I cannot believe how poor people's grammar and spelling can be on the internet. I know sometimes we all get a little lax when emailing/texting etc. but just because you are writing something online there is no excuse for letting standards slip. I mean, are all these people really that stupid or are they just being lazy? When every other word is spelt wrong and there are commas and periods all over the place where they shouldn't be it makes things entirely unreadable. I'm not a total grammar nazi, we all slip up sometimes and it's not like I scrupulously check things I write on the internet compared to how I would check something I write for school, but it's not that hard to spell most words right, or, you know, use a spell-checker.

Messed up sleeping pattern, messed up room, messed up brain. I hate my life sometimes.

I woke up late, and sick, the day that I have the largest homework workload thus far and I was planning on taking a loooong shower.
Great.

Edit: I also found an extra twenty+ math assignments to do for my credit recovery. Great.

I hate blood tests. They took six fucking vials. Remind me never to tell anyone when I think I need to go to a doctor again.
Oh, also, same topic: I possibly have PCOS. Freaking yay. And I know roughly what it is, but my doctor isn't being very giving with information yet.

Officially handed in my complaints about the head chef to my manager tonight. He has managed to piss off 10 people working in the kitchen and restaurant all on his lonesome. Not bad really.

Now I'm waiting for the crap to hit the fan when he goes in to work tomorrow because all of us (so far) who have lodged complaints about him are going to be working tomorrow. Just great.

So, one of my friends has a grandfather who passed away about a month ago. She always tends to withdraw from the people in her life when she experiences a crisis, so when she asked me to give her some space, I was happy to do it. I haven't talked to her much in the past month other than to check up on her every now and then with a "hi, how are you?". Now, however, she's re-establishing ties and getting back to normal with seemingly all of our friends, but she still won't talk freely to me. I don't want to push her before she's ready, but this is really hurtful to me, especially since she's talking freely with girls who are just acquaintances to her, but I'm one of her closest friends, and she can't seem to talk to me. Am I being selfish? I guess that, for some reason, I just have this really unfounded worry that she's decided that she never wants to talk to me again, and I didn't get the memo. Do any of you girls have any idea how I could address this without pushing her too hard? I love her dearly, but sometimes handling her can be like handling glass.

^When my grandmother died during my first year at college I had to take a week off to go to her funeral. I was sharing a room with a girl I went to high school with, so we were very good friends by this point, but I just couldn't even tell her what had happened. I know it sounds crazy, but I didn't even tell her I was going home for the week, let alone why. I just left. The only person I told was a friend who I had all of my classes with - that girl's now my best friend but at the time we'd only known each other a few months and we weren't super close. I only told her because I needed somebody to take notes for me while I was gone, otherwise I probably wouldn't have. It was easier to tell somebody I didn't know as well than it was to tell my roommate, I guess because I thought my roommate would feel compelled to try to talk about it with me and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want her to feel like she had to tread on eggshells the whole time. I had to wait until I could mention it casually in passing to her as if it wasn't a big deal, in a sort of 'This happened, so what time do you want to go for dinner?' kind of way. For the next two-three months we barely spent any time together. I started going out all the time with other friends and I know that it really hurt her. In fact I knew even then that I was hurting her because I could see that she didn't understand what I was doing. I'd dump my stuff in our room after class, she'd ask to do something and I'd tell her I had plans with somebody else and make it clear that she wasn't invited. Then I'd get back hours later with the somebody else in tow and it would look like we'd just had the best night of our lives.

Edit: I've got a massive insect bite just below my knee and it's bright red. I was going to wear a skirt tonight but I'll have to change into jeans instead.

I have PCOS. It is, to be bluntly honest, very awful and destructive, especially since they have a lot of trouble getting my medicine right.

On another note, I got a 112% on my AP Biology test because I got 3/4 extra credit questions correct, I wrote the extra credit essay and won the extra credit point during our review game yesterday. I showed the test to my mom and she began a two hour rant about how I missed one of the extra credit questions. Are you fucking serious?

I don't like when shows set up for another season but never get one.

So utterly confused . . .

I feel like my computer is starting to die a bit. It's getting slower and can't do as many things at once as it used to be able to do. Boo.

Errmmm...rambadaDa dang dong doogly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to stay with a housemate (I'll call her A) from university this weekend, along with the other three girls we shared with, and it was great to see them and spend the weekend together, but... I don't know if I'm being unfair here but I kind of felt that now A has a full-time job she forgets that the rest of us aren't necessarily in the same situation. The weekend ended up costing me so much, I can't even think about it properly at the moment. For instance yesterday she mentioned about going to the zoo today and I swear that she hadn't said we were going to do that before then. If I'd known sooner I would have said that I'd prefer not to go. I'm not the biggest fan of zoos and if you're not that interested then paying the extortionate entrance fee is just not justifiable. But I didn't want her to make a big thing out of me not wanting to go so I just went along with it. I don't have a job at the moment as law school is pretty much full time and although I do have some money (savings etc.) I'd rather not have expensive weekends because I don't want to end up having to ask my parents for money in a few months time when I'm already relying on them for so many other things financially. It's not the end of the world but I could have spent that money on so many other things that I want more (and need in some cases). Out of the other girls one has a full time job and the other has a semi-full time job but neither of them are earning as much as A. The final girl doesn't have a job and I felt so bad for her this weekend. I could tell she was really worried about how much it would cost - in the restaurant she didn't have any wine, a starter or dessert when normally she always does, she didn't buy any clothes when we went shopping (also very unlike her) and when she heard about the zoo she asked how much it would cost and it was obvious that she was worried. She also had to ask her dad to transfer her some money for the weekend to begin with, and it makes me really mad to think that A didn't even notice, or that she didn't think that some us might not want to spend a lot when we weren't earning. I know I should have said something but I felt too bad bringing it up during the weekend because everything seemed to be already planned and I hadn't realized how much we'd be spending to be able to mention it sooner.

My game crashed 5 times in a row, and it's TS2! I know TS2 is prone to crashing but I don't know what's causing it and it makes me mad and I forgot what those files were that needed to be deleted every once in a while, were they called 'Group cache' or something like that?

So last night instead of sleeping like normal people do I read Paper Towns in one sitting and then cried because I was feeling awful about too many things at once (I still am). Now I have to leave for work in fifteen minutes but I'm too tired to function.

In your main TS2 folder delete all the .cache files and then go in to the Thumbnails folder and delete all thumbnail files. :-)

I feel like I can't write a good essay and now I'm growing paranoid because I only have a week left to do it.

Of course it's today, the day that I have to start walking every day again, that we lose our 85 degree weather and go back to 100.

RAWR.

Thank you! Hopefully that will fix it, if not, a good hammer will do the trick.

Vent: My back is slowly killing me, I can feel every single vertebrae just aching with sudden pain. Maybe it's from sitting around too much, I don't know.

Recently I've barely been able to finish a single thing I've started to write. I really want to finish them all but as soon as I sit down and type, everything that comes out just seems really inadequate and clumsy compared to how it all was in my head. It's not even writer's block; I know what I want to write, I just can't seem to write it properly. The result is a folder of unfinished word documents and it's getting confusing and annoying seeing them all.

Exhausted, sick, it feels like some part of my foot is seriously injured, six hours of work on top of that, and having to worm my way out of plans for tonight because I know I'm going to feel too awful to do anything.

I feel so sorry for my mom because her father is dying.

It's just so damn sad.

EDIT: That's it. He's gone.

...

^I'm so sorry, Cupcake. I know you said you weren't that close to your grandfather, but it's still really hard watching a parent grieving. That's the only time I've ever seen my father cry.

Edit: My next door neighbor said he would come around either yesterday or today. He didn't come yesterday so I assumed he'd be here today but it's now 7.50pm and he still hasn't come. I kind of want to change into pajamas but I know as soon as I do the doorbell will ring.

New day, new vent: I managed to lose my student card in record time today (within 15 minutes of getting it). I'm not normally the kind of person to lose stuff but I have got to get a new bag that actually has a zipper, because the minute my bag gets remotely full something ends up falling out of it and what with the insane amount of new books I had to drag home today it was inevitable that something was going to get lost. At least it was just my student card and not my bank card or phone. It's just such an inconvenience and I'm going to look so stupid on Monday having to get a new one already, or picking up the lost one if it got handed in.