I wish I could invite you all to my house, give everyone a cookie and a hug, and let everyone just vent and everything. I don't have any rules (except don't eat the last cookie, and stay out of my bed).
But we are not at MY house, we are in someone ELSE'S MTS house! So we follow their rules, or take the conversation elsewhere. I've been here since 2008, but don't remember anything like what has happened here in the last week or so. This situation MAY be unique, but the rules are the same as elsewhere. What applies here, is this:

About Dec 12, Thranduil Oropherion was banned. We can't say bad things about him (just like if he was an active member that we were mad at). Someone here may know his REAL LIFE identity, and other information about him: we can't talk about that! It's called libel, and legal action could be taken against anyone who does it (including MTS itself).

I don't remember when I started TALKING to people here, or when I started talking to T.O. {That One ?} He came here June 2010 {this is all public info}. I do remember that before he was T.O. he was FairyCakes, and about the time he changed his name, I began to think of him as my friend. I think of a lot of people here as Friend, even Family! Yea, I know it's only "electronic media", but you are not just pixels to ME! I know we all "present" ourselves in a not quite REAL way; but people do this even face to face! I presented myself as just ME: my name really IS Pat, and I really AM a Gramma. I turned 71 last August, and a few months ago my oldest grandchild became a daddy, so you know what that makes ME! I don't mind saying all this because - so what? Am I going to tell you my husbands full name, and my social security number? Of course not.
I have many fine qualities, I have a life, I have unpopular opinions - there are plenty of things I WON'T talk about. So someone else here doesn't want to tell how old they are, or wants to pretend stuff, or whatever. FINE! GOOD! My favorite game as a child was "let's pretend", and I still play it. But here's the kicker.....
When I 'play pretend' there are rules involved, and I expect people to follow the same rules. When I pretend, when I say things that aren't really true, you will KNOW it, in lots of ways. {Except, sometimes I hint at something, not really thinking people will understand or approve. Like: I'm a really right-wing Republican..Hahaha only kidding! or not}
If you tell me you can fly, whither I believe you or not, whither you REALLY can or not, it doesn't hurt anyone. If you say you are young and good-looking and SINGLE...well I don't personally care, but if you tell someone that in a PM and you are having a serious discussion...for months...that's NOT OK. If you announce on a thread that you are going to kill yourself...but you're just looking for attention, or trying to pull our chains...THAT'S NOT OK!!!

HURTING PEOPLE IS NOT OK! We all hurt people's feelings sometimes (and I AM sorry...you know who you are}, but deliberately hurting people, for whatever reason, and however you do it, is just not OK. Which is the idea behind the MTS rules, isn't it?
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So there I was, in a big friendly group at this gamer-social site. Making jokes, being silly, being serious, patting the children on the head ("There there dear, it will be OK. Have a cookie"), winking at Stewart, posting pictures of cookies. And One Of Us is shown the door, and the rest of us are angry, or hurt, or confused, or all of the above. And many of the rest of us are feeling betrayed, and suspicious of everyone else, and just damned uncomfortable. The House is a disaster, and people are heading for the basement, or the door. What the hell! And we (yea, ME too) - like family DOES- start saying things about what happened, and expressing all those feeling - with some choice words. And the landlord shuts us down. Seems like the mob has dispersed.. but we are not happy...

I don't know if anyone is "out there" who want's to talk. I do think some links to information about social-media problems would be helpful. I've been watching a TV show called "catfish" - OMG who knew! Hay, I only got a home computer 9 years ago when I retired, and my first cell phone 2 years ago (and no, it doesn't take pictures or connect to the internet or TEXT!). SO for all my years, experience, and learnings, I am pretty ignorant about some things. But like my signature used to say "Ignorance is not stupiditity". And people would correct my spelling! I was trying to be funny, but it really means that the fact that you don't know something doesn't mean you're stupid. And I can be pretty ridiculous, and irritate people. When my father was dying in a hospital, my mom and I were walking the halls cracking each other up. Relatives were aghast. But that macabre humor is STILL how I deal with grief.

So I apologize if I seem to me disrespectful of people (some of whom have every reason to be a lot more hurt than I AM). We each have different issues here, and have different ways of dealing with it. I respect each of you, and send you my fondest regards.
Your loving, if slightly bazaar,
Gramma Pat.
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P.S. because there still seems to be confusion about the intent of this thread...THIS THREAD IS
1) For those of us directly involved in the Problem, a place to compare notes, or wounds, or opinions, or anger - need I go on? The Victims & their Friends.
2) A place for people to ask "What the F happened" (innocent Bystanders)
3) A place for people to ask "Did something happen?" (the mildly Curious)
4) A place to share information (links) about how to avoid the Problem in future; the links TELL you what the Problem was! Use your heads, Nuboos, information is ALL OVER the site!

I will be gone most of Christmas week, going to Idaho to see my daughter and grand kids. Hope Santa brings you nice stuffs, Merry Christmas {or whatever greetings apply}

Have a wonderful holiday, Pat, and a relaxing visit with your daughter and grandchildren. Well said vent. I've been thrown and I've only been a bystander and I'm upset, too. We can talk more when you come back.

Maybe you can share this thread, a number of people have asked about it. Frankly, I don't know how much good it will do. And I DO want to find some links...

I'll add it to my signature for a while. I've told some people, but I think people are feeling sketchy about stuff....not your fault. Trust is gone.

I do sense a bit of the apprehension going around.

But the holidays are near and I hope that everyone can find some sort of peace with the events that have transpired.

A hug and a kiss to everyone here at MTS. Thank you for making me feel welcomed when I didn't have an outlet for just about anything.

@grammapat Keep being a lovely human being, and enjoy the Christmas week with your babies and your babies' babies.

I hadn't witnessed it but when I found out what happened I thought to myself, "Wow, and he seemed like a nice user." I guess I don't care if people lie about themselves on the Internet as long as they aren't douches about it...and TO was definitely a douche about it.

I was gobsmacked at the scandal too. I might have puffed up my own reputation at times, and obviously left out actual details, but some of it is the truth. The parts about me being a layabout with computer games on the brain who takes too much from real life to put in said games.

It's a pity the discussions and vents about the subject were cut off the way they were. That boring thread was deleted before I could read the responses after my last post there and then we had the six closed threads. I can understand that writing personal info about other people (f.e. there are innocent people attacked by people, because of sharing the same name as such creeps) is forbidden and the amount of thread used for vents and discussions, but I still would have loved to see a thread about it to be open about this subject. Especially looking at the mix of members at MTS. Only protecting and warning the rest of potential victims should be already enough reason, not to mention helping and supporting his victims, both known and maybe unknown.

Btw, I would advice all to read the link in the sign of VDT, an useful article about this subject.

I'm unclear which trauma you are referring to, the one involving a predator or the one involving being silenced by the mods? The people who were affected by the deceiver want to talk about it. Talk relieves the stress and allows us to make sense of the events that happened.

One thing that runs through my mind is the idea of someone "practicing" and becoming more threatening over time and with each subsequent target.

While I'm still not entirely clear on what exactly went down, and I'm not likely to ever be, what I have gathered of it tells me that that is for the best. Was it before or after this fiasco that the Random Bollocks thread of the time was discussing some past site drama of some infamy? This seems kind of like that, only to those of us on the fringes of it, it might as well have been before our time. Seriously, I didn't even know anything was going on until the mods cracked down on the off-topic threads. This whole episode has been surreal. In retrospect, though, I think that even before it happened, there were hints that something wasn't right.

In any case, I've not much to say on the subject, so I'll likely contribute little further here. Still, it's nice to have a place for clarification for those who are still fumbling in bafflement.

As far as a time-line (if that is what you are talking about...?) Over two years ago a woman here left in shame?pain? because of him. I only SUSPECT that more have left. FOR THE SAME REASON SOME ARE LEAVING NOW. In the past it never was even public, but people were hurt and couldn't bare to even be on this site anymore. THIS time some of us started talking, rather than just leaving. AND THAT "gossip" (which was actually NOT gossip) spread. That WAS a good thing! Because at least he was forced to leave here. I happen to think something more "REAL" should be done to protect the public...but that may yet happen. In the mean time, a sense of general betrayal and mistrust has fallen on many of us. The moderators, as Keepers of the Peace, stepped in. End of problem. Sorry, so NOT. And now we are being reminded (by mods and others) that this site, our conversations, and our relationships here, are all just play, make-believe, and shouldn't have any more importance than a movie that we don't like the plot of. Um...

Pat wanted a thread where we could talk about it and ran it by the mods first. Don Babillon helped her set it up. We have to be careful how we talk, but we can talk. Thank you for setting this up, Pat.

This makes me actually very sad. Of course, people leave sites all the time of whatever reasons (life changes), but this may never be the reason.

We're glad you stayed and he left. Like it should. For the people who left because of this:

Had to laugh at video. Not the same thing at all....EXCEPT those of us who have feelings for others here, who consider some them our family, and others our friends - we don't want to see you hurting. And if being here brings up memories that HURT, well, do what you NEED to do. And I know others who are CONSIDERING leaving, for reasons related to the "feel" of "our house" now. Like creepy and mean and dangerous. (Personally, ALL these apply to me, and I've sorta tried to leave a few times - and I may yet)

So the video IS related, in the sense that we (a number of us) are holding our hands out to you: don't go away, stay, even STAND (if you understand THAT meaning!). We are not the ones whose business it should be to try to restore the good vibes at MTS, but we are the ones WHO CARE, because we care about each other IN REAL LIFE WAYS! What verdeterre says (go look), but I hope we CAN heal this double-wound. The wounds created by That One, was made worse by the Management, and now WE make it worse. Sort of like when Al-Quada strikes - if we all fear them, run from our homes, distrust each other, hate everthing...THEY WIN!
P.S. Am I pissed at Management? Not really - they are reacting with typical Business Practices, which I always see as "follow the procedures, don't get involved, move on". Not actually helpful for the Community Based organization we THINK of them as. Yes, I was Sacramento DHA representative on CBOs in Sacramento County, and I know how they operate. If MTS sees itself less a CBO ("lets work together, this is about people and feelings"), and more a business ("It's not personal, it's just business") that is THEIR right. Like hating someone who doesn't agree with you, who is a "harmless idiot" -- don't waste your hate, or your breath.

That was actually the reason for me to post it (''Why don't you come back? Please hurry, Why dont you come back? Please hurry...Come back and stay for good this time''). It was not mentioned in a funny way or so, but just the fitting song and parts of its lyrics.

And YOU that are disagreeing - without posting what you are disagreeing WITH... I will ignore.

I knew the guy, as much as anyone could "know" someone on a form where you use handles and can pretend to be someone else. Which is, I suppose, to say I didn't know him at all. His on-line persona and who he really was were quite different.

I liked who he appeared to be. I think many did... he seemed quite popular.

I could PM him when bad things happened in my life, he'd lend an ear .

I got a heaping share of contempt when I stepped right in on it with my not knowing what was going on amid all the PMs and all going about. As if my being ignorant of events was my damnation. I feel guilty for not seeing it, and stupid for not following the "man code" of honesty. I donno... I struggle with that one; Not telling you who I am is one thing, but I won't lie and say I am someone else. Part of that "code" is not to tolerate those who aren't honest.

I don't know exactly what he did and I don't want to know. I know it was bad and I'm not saying it wasn't bad.
I don't know what the moderators, administers and the website owner said to people and with only a few exceptions to whom they spoke, other than they were trying to avoid a lawsuit.
I felt like I do when a couple I know goes through a divorce... I've known boys who seem to be okay among men but then they really are abusive husbands. I could tell stories...

For me the worst is, I don't trust most people here anymore. I don't know who people are, or what they are capable of doing. I see a name I've never seen before and I wonder... who is this?

I worked long hours for over 30 years, and I had a "support" group at work. I could vent. Towards the end before I retired, I found myself in a group of people I didn't know... no one I would talk to, and most who would slip the knife in my back job wise if they thought they could get ahead by doing so... and I have things I need to let out and that's why I was so addicted to the Off topic forums on MTS. I would come here and say it, get a little feedback now and then. Now? I feel I said too much and was too personal with people most of whom probably are the good people they seem to be, but a few may be total predators that lord knows what they are capable of doing.

As a rule, it is unwise to write anything of substance here. Some of the things I said were really stupid to share, and I see how it could have been used against me.

Stuart & Flaygor: I know where you're coming from. I wonder now at things I have said about my personal life, and MYSELF personally.. it seemed like a good idea at the time. There is no one in RL I can talk to except my daughter, and I can't talk to HER in person EITHER, and feel like I burden her too much. People have sometimes said stuff I didn't deserve; oddly, a few of those now act friendly... did they forget what they've said? But MOSTLY, there IS a certain "separation" talking to people here; we ALL say things we wouldn't say to Real Life people who we knew so casually! So I take it with a grain of salt when someone seems testy or snarky with me - maybe they're just having a bad day.
Um, I sound conflicted, don't I? "I like you guys/I want to talk to you"; "I don't trust anyone/you're mean to me"; "I was trying to be funny but you got mad at me". It's a fine balance isn't it, trying to be friends vs trying to be safe.
Even this: Flaygor, you've been here as long as me, but I don't remember ever seeing you before....dum dum DUM! And you're in New Zealand. Then again, I had to ask my husband three times today when the neighbors were coming over. My mind...slippage.

I don't think grammapat and pizza need to apologize to anyone or justify themselves. Just because this happens to a lot of people doesn't mean it's not upsetting- just because this started on the internet in the ether realm doesn't mean it's make-believe.
There are telltale signs that somebody isn't for real, but we might not see them especially if that person has been around the forum for a while which he was..
I keep typing sentences that I then have to delete - I don't care about getting banned, but I don't want to mess up this group since it belongs to gp. So there's more I would say but I won't.

Thank you RoseCity

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Sometimes the insightfulness of the youngsters here is astonishing! Don't mean that as a put down (how careful we have become!), as I THINK I am the oldest person on the site! COME ON, SOMEBODY DISAGREE WITH ME!

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You can always PM me...I would like to say "You can trust me" - but realize trust is at a premium for everyone. Because I am a most honest, honorable person, and it comes from my spiritual beliefs, that lack of trust is painful to me personally. I wish I had a skyp page or something to refer people to. Note to self: have Michelle set one up for me. Have 12 year old granddaughter teach me how to use iTunes. And I vacillate between wanting to talk about my involvement, and NOT.

I'm going to echo what RoseCity said, that neither pizza nor gramma have anything to apologize for. Flaygor, I don't know what that was or what happened, but I'm sorry you were hurt. Was it related to this?

There have been some mixed messages. I get the impression that people came in on something they didn't understand and a couple thought there was bullying going on. It wasn't that. It was an emotional response to attack. It was screams of pain, followed by anger. It wasn't the best, no doubt and if that makes someone uncomfortable, well it should. That doesn't mean it should be silenced. Once again, I am grateful to pat for starting this thread because we need to talk about it.

To anyone who wants to suggest that anyone involved should have known better, I have this to say: hindsight is 20/20. You try living it.