Dominic and Lara - DEM's tour bus
It felt like an enormous abyss had split open in the ground by his feet, and he stood teetering on the very edge of it, desperately flapping his arms to keep his balance and not plunge head first into it. His stomach felt hollow and as though it had lurched into his throat only to plummet down to his knees a split second later, and it was as though someone had knocked the wind out of his lungs. So grave was the shock of going from the possible loss of the girl with whom he'd spent the past six years, to the realization that she was expecting a baby. It was a gigantic leap, from one extreme to the exact opposite one, during the course of no more than a minute, and it felt as though every single part of him that was struggling to catch up, was doing it at a pace different from the rest. His head felt all over the place, and lowering it into his hands as an attempt to bring it together.
A baby... Jesus Christ, a
baby. Not an imaginary one, far into the future and well planned for, but a baby in actual existence, right now, this very second. With
him as it's father.
Hello face, meet brick wall.
"Yeah...", came
Lara's voice from beside him, in little more than a whisper, though grew with an odd mix of conviction and trepidation as she went on; "I know it's not what we wanted right now, and I'm afraid too but it's
happening, Nicky and... I want to do this with you. Start fresh, with no more secrets between us and raise this baby together. You...
do want that as well, don't you...?"
For the first few seconds that followed,
Dominic didn't move. Nor did he reply. He just sat there, almost as though he hadn't heard her, with his head buried in his hands, struggling to try and figure out just what he was thinking, and feeling, trying to determine where he truly stood, once the shock of it all started to recede. Which, to be honest, it really didn't. No matter how many seconds that passed, it all still felt completely overwhelming to him, and he knew he'd need far longer to get used to the idea. But still, he had to try, if for no other reason than for Lara's sake.
Did he want the child? He honestly didn't know, perhaps mostly because the feeling in his gut had grown clouded with the fear of losing
Lara, should he say no. Or even yes, only for her to discover somewhere along the road that it hadn't been a genuine, heartfelt one, or even for him to change his mind. He didn't know if, after everything that had happened tonight, they'd be able to make it through something like that. And more importantly, would they be able to make it through the alternative; parenthood?
The more he thought about it, the more panicked he felt. At first. His head was spinning out of control with all the if's, but's and maybe's of the entire thing, and his heart trembled so at the prospect of losing
Lara, that it wasn't until his thoughts suddenly touched on one memory from earlier this very night, that clarity struck: He had proposed to her. Only hours ago, he had asked
Lara to marry him, and spend the rest of her life with him, and he'd done it with the conviction that it was what he truly wanted. And with everything that had then followed - their almost-tryst,
Lara disappearing, him desperately trying to get a hold of her, and her finally returning to him - that conviction had only intensified.
A child was a very different thing, there was no escaping that, but the conviction of wanting to marry
Lara had been born out of a willingness to take that step, to make that commitment. A feeling that he was ready. And even though his knees shook at the very idea of becoming someone's father, and he had his doubts that he was mature enough for it, the feeling in his gut, emerging through the fear of loss, was that... he did want to do it. He really did. He may not be entirely ready for it, but it was how he felt, and... well... he did still have nine months to get there, or at least closer to it, right?
Ever so slowly, his slender frame finally came alive where he sat, running both hands through his already tousled hair before looking up at
Lara with complete gravity in his eyes, and daring that one giant step of confirmation;
"Yeah...", he said slowly, and equally slowly straightened his back. "Yeah, I do.
For a moment his gaze dropped from hers, venturing down to land on her hand, and he reached to take it into his. Giving it a soft squeeze, he then looked up again, and this time it was with the beginning of a tiny lopsided smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Holy crap...", he said, the awe of the notion now having spread to encompass him as well. "I'm gonna be a dad..."