I wrote this story / possible novel called Faeyte. It's very much still a work in progress though and I need some feedback on it so far.

What it's about:
The kingdom of Vanterra is a very unique place. It was created by the great faery Avonacco, who destroyed his own race to save the weaker races of humans, elves, and dwarves. The Wall, a clear magic dome, protects the kingdom from any lingering magical creatures left behind. Avonacco and forty-nine other faeries became Faeytes, ghostlike beings of their former selves, to act as guardians who can both award and punish Vanterrans. But once a Faeyte does so, he or she is gone forever. The Vanterrans believe few Faeytes are left stay clear of the Faeyte Forest.
Vanterran's king is on a power spree, destroying anyone who may be able to take the throne in place of his only heirs, twin sisters named Melora and Allayna. When Princess Melora discovers her father's plot to murder her love Jeroen, she decides to do something about it. But Melora soon finds herself on a greater quest: not just to save Jeroen, but the kingdom as well.

http://www.webook.com/project/Faeyte

you don't have to sign up for the site to comment on it, you can make your critisms here if you like. good or bad- just let me know what you think!!!

ummm.... ...... it doesnt...flow...easily.

the way you wrote the description makes it sound like youre talking about it, verbally. which....well, to be honest, books dont usually read like how someone would verbally describe it. they tend to connect, rather than randomly add snippets of info here and there as they're recalled.

i highly recommend sorting out your ideas and clustering those that go together beforehand; transitioning would be smoother and easier to follow, that way.

and a nitpick: the title bothers me. how the hell am i supposed to pronounce that? like " fate "? junky way of spelling it. couldve been more creative.

Are you Dutch? The name Jeroen. Lol. I know someone really super annoying with that name.

yea, i agree with the non-flowing issues. the more i read it, the more it bugs me. i pretty much just started writing it to get all the ideas out of my head at first. it definitely needs some tweaking! ... or rewriting.
and yes, it is pronounced as fate.

no, im not dutch. i actually just found the name when i searched a baby name site and thought it was unusual. but that's funny! is it a common dutch name? i've never heard of it before i found it on the web.

Actually, as far as I can tell, it's a very popular Dutch name. Haha.

My problem I have with your story synopsis is that the pieces don't really seem to fit together. It's like, oh, the world is under siege and somebody has to save it, but why?

haha wow. fail.

i'm not gonna lie, i wrote that synopsis at the spur of the moment and it seems it needs to be rewritten. there seems to be alot of confusion about it. someone commented that their were two kingdom's fighting or something, but that never even happens in the story. hmm. revision time! it makes sense to me, but then again, i wrote it. the first paragraph is like background and the second is the plot basically. maybe i should just delete the first?

nitpick--wrong " there ".

there = over there. place.
they're = they are. that person is.
their = that object belongs to ____. its theirs.

" youre " is also a pretty popular mixup.
you're = you are.
your = that's your ____. it belongs to you.


just stuff to keep in mind while you write.

oookayyy seriously? this is a freakin forum post, not an essay. and i Do know my grammar and spelling, thank you very much. seriously you should find better things to do than criticizing everyone that's not you. it seems to be the main reason you're on this site.