Got everything I wanted from my parents (dolls, organizational equipment and a full length mirror. Prior to the full length, there were only vanity mirrors around the house.) and a boba tea prep kit from my aunt Lucinda.

Right now, it's just a matter of receiving belated gifts from my other relatives (when you live in a Catholic family as big as mine, there's at least a few relatives beyond your grandparents and a favoring uncle or aunt who will send out a check if you're lucky), that charge reversal in my account (don't read fine print if you're nearsighted) and my paycheck from the feds (The feds are in my favor this year) and then there's waiting on that package that is coming after being stuck at the Los Angeles International Airport for nearly a month.

I got my work cut out for me.

Best Christmas present ever: I got to go to bed early. I slept 12 hours (though I was awake several times feeding the baby).

I ended up cancelling my physical therapy and reschedule it for another day.

I started to rearrange my doll collection on the hanging door organizer. I have some dolls to open up and place on the organizer.

But I am bushed. Thinking of adding blanched broccoli and bacon bits to my infamous Mac and cheese casserole.

Today, someone cancelled their physical therapy appointment for tomorrow and so I jumped on the spot and wrote down the info of where to go.

Had veggie infused pasta for lunch today with red sauce.

Spent today trying to be patient about the delivery of my stipend.

If I am to get a credit card, which I practiced the act of paying off over time through my computers and my glasses, I need a job. With the Great Resignation, a lot of people are grasping at straws for people to work for them. A lot of places are paying decent wages but unfortunately, 43% of companies won't hire me because of my "permanently disabled" status.

Just otherwise noodling on adulting and the fact I am in dire need to prove myself courageous.

I'm no Walter Mitty
I'm no Doug Funnie
I'm more a superheroine in my own regards!
I'm Starrior Earth, soldier of freedom, love and peace!
As the princess of Earth, I will protect all flora and fauna!

My father might get his old job back at the same warehouse mother works at. He's also currently in the middle of a 5 week government background check for a paper document storage\destruction site.

I can only hope for the best.

We've been trying to get Elden to sleep for almost an hour and 20 mins now. He did a big sleep from about 9pm so I'm guessing he's wide awake now for however long newborns stay awake for. Maybe another hour. Its my turn to try and get him to sleep. I've done 10 minutes of back pats, 15 minutes of walking and now 6 minutes of nursing but now he's fussing too much he won't latch. Back to back pats I guess.

Edit: 2 hours 39 minutes later and he's finally asleep on my chest. Now to somehow get him in his bed so I can sleep...

Edit 2: Nope... awake again.

Edit 3: in the past 4 hours and 24 minutes he has slept... 4 minutes. He's now at the point where he's frustrated and screaming. I'm crying and stressed which is only making him worse.

Edit 4: 4 hours and 42 minutes he finally fell asleep. After a few minutes I took him to his bed and then got in my bed and just cried. It took him all of 3 minutes before he woke up crying. Now Adam's taken over even though he has to get ready for work in an hour. I'm sure all I'll hear tomorrow is how tired he is. I'm still crying. I'm overtired and emotional.

Edit 5: He fell asleep for Adam within 10 mins and has slept for almost 4 hours until Ivy woke us up. I'm so tired.

My package that was stuck at the airport for almost a month finally came yesterday. I was too busy to post because I had my physical therapy appointment yesterday.

I also wrote up a contract with my parents (in my house, it has to be bound legally before a change can happen.) For me to wash dishes and do the chores if\when my father goes back to the warehouse with my mother. I wrote down a chore check list as I get distracted easily. I set alarms for my day on my phone.

I have to hold down the fort while they work.

We were asleep by midnight. I remember waking up for a second to hear the fireworks, Adam kissed my forehead and said happy new year. He told me that I told him he was the best thing to ever happen to me, but I don't really remember. I remember it was a nice feeling though.

Ivy woke up scared when all the fireworks went off, but Adam took her into our room and she watched them from our window. Shes been awake ever since though. Its now 7:45. I don't even know what our day is going to look like, but Elden is sleeping well so I presume they're both going to be on completely different sleep and wake windows. No sleep for me then. Nor Adam, who had 20 minutes of sleep and is now working a 12 hour shift.

I haven't been around in the last few weeks, so I missed your delivery of Elden, @Bigsimsfan12, but belated congratulations!
I don't have children and I often wondered if parents tend to overstate the sleep issues with newborns a bit. Not anymore!
I don't know how Adam and you are doing it but I wish you strength, long sleep phases for Elden and no more diarrhea for Ivy!

Received in the mail (our post office sometimes delivers on Sundays along with Amazon) hair care products for growing my hair to Rapunzel lengths, a book on quick drawing anime tips and the first 3 SpongeBob SquarePants Movies on DVD and Blu-Ray (I have both types of players. The Blu-Ray player is backwards compatible, but I still use the DVD player in the event I am connected to my tablet. HDMI feed.)

I'm on this weird junk food kick. Don't know how to explain it but I guess I crashed and burned during my diet last year.

I stocked up on other foods beyond junk food and yes, I plan on upgrading my weaponized Mac and cheese casserole. Bacon bits and broccoli shavings made from the real McCoy, French's fried onions crush and mixed with panko and butter. This is an upgrade from just macaroni, cheese, melted butter and panko.

Couldn't pay my rent this month. My parents gave me a reprieve for when the ATM is refilled when they found out the ATM was drained. So I couldn't withdraw $300 or any cash for that matter, but I will need to deposit more money to offset any strange charges (i.e. accidental, non-refundable ones) and I need to talk to my bank to reinstate my PayPal account as a form of payment I use.

Fuck My Life Indeed as abbreviation cannot begin to tell the egregious parts of my New Year's weekend.

@310175 Thank you. Ivy is doing a lot better now. They both have gross snotty noses though. I bought one of those sucky snot things - I always thought they were super gross but it turns out they're literally the best things ever. Everyone's been sleeping a little better since.... or at least not waking up due to their colds. Ivy still has a weird sleeping pattern. Hopefully tonight we can go back to 8pm-8am sleeps. Elden's going 2-3 hours between feeds at night and then straight back to sleep.

- - - -

Today was nice and relaxed. Ivy slept odd hours again though because her sleep is still messed up from being ill and the fireworks that woke her up on New years. Her bedtime is in half an hour though and I'm hoping she sleeps because she slept like 2am-10am today and then seemed tired and groggy until around 1pm.

I had a bit of trouble earlier changing Elden's diaper. Ivy always asks to help, so today for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to let her. We usually use a changing table but I decided to just change him on the floor so she could help. He hasn't pooped in 2 days and I couldn't smell poop, so I thought "it'll be a quick change, she can maybe help put a clean nappy on and we're done". Lmao no. Huge poop. After wiping him (Ivy wouldn't even pass me some wipes, she just stood there shouting "Ewww Elden did a stink!") I notice he was a bit red around his legs (I think he's gone up a size in disposable diapers because that's been happening if he wears one for a little too long), so I go get the sudocrem and suddenly a fountain emerges, landing exactly where I had just been sat on the carpet. Ivy thought it was hilarious and went to go tell Daddy that "Elden did a wee wee on the carpet!". While she did that I put a bit of sudocrem on his legs and then went to make up a cloth nappy because I forgot to. I was at the changing table, literally a foot away from him and I turn around and Ivy has sudocrem all over her hands wiping it all over Eldens leg. He looked part snowman. Finally got him cleaned up and a new nappy on and he's all good. Once we were done Ivy says "Yay I did it all by myself"

I received a drawing book on how to draw the step-by-step guide of Almost Naked Animals. What made me laugh out loud was the octopus wearing tighty whities and there being 8 leg holes. The entire book was full of anthropomorphic animals in underwear and how to draw them.

Edit: I also went to the dentist. My old dentist, Dr. JJM, who constantly threatened to pull out all my teeth if I came back with any damages, retired since I last saw him. Probably playing a round of golf or racing Formula 1 racing cars like Drs. TR and JMcL.

They assigned me a kinder, gentler dentist, Dr. MH, who knew about the dentophobia and my OR only visits for fixing teeth on file.

I have yet another tooth coming out in June. I better get fucking serious about my dental care.

Yesterday was kind of meh, but maybe a bit disappointing. Had some cake that we've brought several times over the years, but as with many things, it no longer tastes the same as it used to. It's annoying because good cake isn't really a thing here? Or at least they're different to what you'd expect or whatever. So like finding one that you actually like that's worth dragging yourself all the way to a bakery is rare.

I've been trying the Curly girl method - it has done nothing at all for my hair so I'm pretty disappointed. If anything my hair looks dry and sadder. Also despite trying a spray the first time and then mousse the second, my hair still is very frizzy.

On a brighter note Elden smiled today, a few times. It made me so happy. Now I'm just waiting for him to fall asleep enough so I can put him down, but I can already hear Ivy sleep talking which means she'll wake up soon.

My appointment with CS is driving me nuts. I have to tell her all the emotional baggage from the past 2 months.

NGL, I am freaked out.

Edit: It went well. No need to get any authority involved.

Cleaned up a bit of my room and found 2 humongous sketchbook (thick, tome-like, sketchbooks) and my Wallace and Gromit DVDs. I have like 3 different versions of the first 3 films collected on 1 disc with different special features depending on date of manufacturing and release, Curse of the Were-Rabbit and A Matter of Loaf and Death. I do stop motion in my spare time...

...Providing I get a sizeable break to animate, that is.

I help my parents in the early morning hours and throughout the day to earn back $100\month that I used to pay for them dishwashing. The sensation of dirty water sent chills down my spine. I found special wash gloves for the dishwashing duty to allow me to continue going forward in life and I am growing rather quickly compared to when I first moved back to the city I was born in.

I guess after my 34th birthday, I decided I had enough stagnation. I've been trying new foods, taking on new responsibility, experiencing new sensations. I feel like I can take on the world!

(Knocks Godzilla and King Kong into the gutter, kicking the other Kaijuu out of her path to Mount Fuji's summit.)

Look out, world! A spicy Kymchee is serving up a bright future!

(Kymchee = weird nickname I received from a peppery smell I emit from studying for long periods of time. At least I'm not named Richard Milhouse "Iron Butt" Nixon)

Ugh, I have to go to the wedding dress place today to get measured. I'm not looking forward to it. My belly is so flappy and the skin is so loose. I don't even feel that "fat" this time. Its just the skin is so saggy. I've been wearing mens tshirts because my skin hangs out the bottom of women's. I know its only temporary but ugh. I don't think I'll ever have a flat stomach again.

Well, as soon as I built myself up in confidence, it got knocked down and I now have to attend a self help seminar over the phone.

Feeling nervous like I might pass out.

Edit: I missed my call. I ended up with a voice message.

Its weird how productive I get on my "I havent slept" days. I'm so freaking tired, Ivy was awake at not even 6am. Which means so were me and Elden. But also the house was tidy and both kids bathed, dressed and fed by 10am.

Colored my hair and it needs improvement. I haven't been dyeing my hair regularly since COVID happened.

Otherwise, my father got his job back at the same warehouse my mother works at. That's a plus.

Been working on my master plan for my future. Putting it in motion is for another day.

I'm still alive, just busy with morning chores.

A redditor once said in an article featured in George Takei's network of interesting article anthologies "Poor people trade time for money, while rich people trade money for time." I couldn't agree any further. I have given up a number of hours to keep the house clean for my parents while they are at work or asleep on weekends just to earn money for supplies for my hobbies and job.

I am currently learning to improve my manga style for a comic I want to draw. I want to show my struggle with autism from my female perspective. (Truthfully, only 20% of autism spectrum disorder patients are female. I grew up in a generation where most older people thought it only affected males.)

Edit: Yesterday (1/24/2022) was my last session in physical therapy. My hips no longer hurt and I received some exercises. I also have returned the locked box from hell back to whence it came and got back about $26 in a return.

Edit 2: Today (1/25/2022) I bought a book on drawing magical girls and a version of Madonna's "Like A Prayer" with a distorted electric guitar intro on Amazon Music with my return.

Also had went to the eye doctor. Got a free exam, two frames (one red, one mottled purple) and the frames are 80s retro and Elton John sense of fashion and because my job of drawing involves screens on a daily basis, we added blue light filter. My eyes are healthy, no degenerative changes or glaucoma, but I will need to have my prescription strengthened.

My father and I went out to lunch and I paid for both our meals and a side of mac and cheese my mother wanted.

I picked up some sodas from the local ShopRite. Canada Dry Ginger Ale and 7UP in original lemon-lime and cherry. The lemon-lime reminds me of original Ramune and since Ramune is a 6 fl oz novelty and hard to find in Asshole, USA, I buy a 2 liter of 7UP when I feel like having sushi and a drink.

I found a double of a pencil set I had that I thought I lost. I'm giving it to my mother so she can plan her arts and crafts with more color variety.

I had a pleasant day.