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Mad Poster
Original Poster
#26 Old 21st Dec 2015 at 5:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarVee
The thing with this is that we're all built a friendship with each other, but because it is through the computer our cautious rational side still comes up occasionally and tells us to rethink and reevaluate. Personally, this one wasn't very open about himself for the first four years being here for fear of being discriminated, as he has been before on message boards, but as one learns about the members here and openly communicates with you all, it actually in way helps him establish a sense of trust honestly.

Shameful that this latest incident has disrupted this sense of trust amongst us, some of us more so than others it seems.

============
Sometimes the insightfulness of the youngsters here is astonishing! Don't mean that as a put down (how careful we have become!), as I THINK I am the oldest person on the site! COME ON, SOMEBODY DISAGREE WITH ME!

Namaste... or "go"
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#27 Old 21st Dec 2015 at 5:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseCity
I don't think grammapat and pizza need to apologize to anyone or justify themselves. Just because this happens to a lot of people doesn't mean it's not upsetting- just because this started on the internet in the ether realm doesn't mean it's make-believe.
There are telltale signs that somebody isn't for real, but we might not see them especially if that person has been around the forum for a while which he was..
I keep typing sentences that I then have to delete - I don't care about getting banned, but I don't want to mess up this group since it belongs to gp. So there's more I would say but I won't.

--
You can always PM me...I would like to say "You can trust me" - but realize trust is at a premium for everyone. Because I am a most honest, honorable person, and it comes from my spiritual beliefs, that lack of trust is painful to me personally. I wish I had a skyp page or something to refer people to. Note to self: have Michelle set one up for me. Have 12 year old granddaughter teach me how to use iTunes. And I vacillate between wanting to talk about my involvement, and NOT.

Namaste... or "go"
Mad Poster
#28 Old 21st Dec 2015 at 8:41 PM
I'm going to echo what RoseCity said, that neither pizza nor gramma have anything to apologize for. Flaygor, I don't know what that was or what happened, but I'm sorry you were hurt. Was it related to this?

There have been some mixed messages. I get the impression that people came in on something they didn't understand and a couple thought there was bullying going on. It wasn't that. It was an emotional response to attack. It was screams of pain, followed by anger. It wasn't the best, no doubt and if that makes someone uncomfortable, well it should. That doesn't mean it should be silenced. Once again, I am grateful to pat for starting this thread because we need to talk about it.

To anyone who wants to suggest that anyone involved should have known better, I have this to say: hindsight is 20/20. You try living it.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Top Secret Researcher
#29 Old 21st Dec 2015 at 9:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by VerDeTerre
... I don't know what that was or what happened, but I'm sorry you were hurt. Was it related to this? ...

I don't think Flaygor means to mudtrack, and it would be hard for him to explain precisely without doing that. Neither do I want to put words in his mouth... so how to put this? Remember the time when you said "hey don't smear everybody in {such-and-such category}, I'm married to one"? More broadly, the friendly-fire incidents and shots at noncombatants can be found partly in terms of the points at which friends and allies were cautioning one another.
Mad Poster
#30 Old 21st Dec 2015 at 9:22 PM
I'm not married, but I *think* I know what you're saying. Thanks for clarifying.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#31 Old 29th Dec 2015 at 2:49 PM Last edited by grammapat : 30th Dec 2015 at 3:19 AM. Reason: corrections and additions
Is stated in my intro, I had hoped someone would post links to sites that might be helpful to us. I was warned {I stand corrected - I was "alerted"} that I had not done this {and also that I was guilty of flaming}, so while I was in Idaho I asked for help finding some links to catfish sites (some of which tell you how to track a person down, some even do their own investigations, publish info about known catfishers!). Here's a few I thought were interesting:
http://www.digitaltrends.com/web/it...nline-and-more/
http://beforeitsnews.com/metaphysic...ms-2441486.html

Most of the sites talk about dating sites, or Facebook...which is really not the same thing that we have going on. And lots of sites talk about scams, and love-scams; again, not the same thing. A scam involves getting MONEY from someone, and is illegal.

Namaste... or "go"
Top Secret Researcher
#32 Old 29th Dec 2015 at 7:35 PM
Is a scam really different, though? You're still talking about a con man. In a scam, the perp is misrepresenting themselves in order to gain their victim's confidence and convince their victim to give them what they want. It's the same underlying principle. They're just trying to get different things out of it - affection and gratification instead of money. You could easily say that he scammed the people here for their trust and acceptance instead of X dollars.

Based on some of what I saw about the incident, I think that some of these might be useful, as well.
http://www.abuseandrelationships.or...ning_signs.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamel..._b_6009076.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior

My MTS writing group, The Story Board
Mad Poster
#33 Old 29th Dec 2015 at 8:27 PM
Those are useful links and yes, whether deceiving someone under the guise of "love interest" or seeking to con someone out of money, it is still a scam. I think the "love" interest one is easier to pull off.

The link in my signature is general, but also helpful.

I have questions about which diagnosis corresponds to predators: Are they sociopaths? Narcissists? We could do more effective searches if we could identify the disorder (think DSM).

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#34 Old 29th Dec 2015 at 8:57 PM Last edited by grammapat : 30th Dec 2015 at 2:34 AM.
Thanks for the input folks. And God Bless Us Everyone. I had a beautiful snow and crystal-trees Christmas in Idaho with grandchildren, new great-granddaughter and a silly puppy. And a real fireplace! And frosted sugar cookies with the kids (a family tradition), and ate sweets till I got sick.
VDT: psyc minor here (22 years with Sac County as social worker, remember) - but don't want to get into that can of worms!

Namaste... or "go"
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#35 Old 30th Dec 2015 at 8:25 PM Last edited by grammapat : 31st Dec 2015 at 10:30 PM. Reason: no need to hang around
Yes, I'm double posting. But it will be my last offense. VerdeTerre has more info (jebus, a whole dang BOOK!) if anyone wants to PM HER.

I will be logging on for the next week or so, to see if Management has anything more to say to me. I have hinted at leaving because I saw this coming. Sad times for me. Gonna take a break, change my avatar and sigi, and then I really AM gone. Like an alcoholic, giving this up is hard, but if I keep come back to check on you (meaning, everyone) I'll wind up HAVING to say something, or just join in a giggle...and next thing ya know it's waking up on the floor with a headache and somebody else's panties on.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>NAMASTE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Namaste... or "go"
Mad Poster
#36 Old 14th Jan 2016 at 9:17 PM Last edited by VerDeTerre : 14th Jan 2016 at 10:38 PM.
The shepard has let the wolf back into the pen.

Please be careful out there, little sheep.

Be wary. There are those who would gain your sympathy and pretend to be your friend. It's all fine until they start spinning their web of lies and tell you untrue things about other people on the site. Question anyone who they've told you about and get the facts for yourself. Don't trust the teller of the tales, little sheep, verify for yourselves.

And be wary of giving away any part of you that makes you even slightly uncomfortable. The wolf is good at manipulating your emotions and testing your limits.

He is not harmless. He may first present himself as a woman.

You'd better insist on a video call.

Yes, we know about you, you faker.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Theorist
#37 Old 15th Jan 2016 at 12:28 AM
I thought I had the other day. I'm very interested in why people think so light-hearted about this phenomenon of predators (in all shapes and sizes), while both Europol and the Dutch police take this problem extremely serious in their individual policites and make it in a new priority since last year. You know, authorities who see the problems. There are girls who committed suicide after being lured in this mess by a predator and other victims getting very traumatized. Just think about this one second (all of you!) and consider if you want your siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, own (grand) children and other children and young adults close to you to become victims of such creeps. And if they are, would you call them moaners and complainers, too. These perps are smarter and sophisticater than you would think. Support victims and do anything within your power to help them and prevent predators for being active. Give them no chance. Look to yourself in the mirror and reconsider your opinion in fully blaming the victims.

''Preventing is better than curing.'' - A Dutch proverb.
Scholar
#38 Old 24th Jan 2016 at 12:10 AM
I'm always suspicious of people who would characterize online stalking as harmless.
No rational person actually believes that stalking is just some alternative form of courting.

Warning signs of an online predator include:

1. Agreeing with everything you say as if you were soul mates or someone who just really gets you.
2. Anxious to move from an online site e.g. dating, to private method of communication; email, instant messaging, Skype, texting, or telephone calls.
3. Asking for personal information, where you work, where you went to school etc.
4. Want to know about your emotional state, getting you to pour your heart out to them.
5. Start talking about how much they like you only after a few chats. They seem to be too interested, too soon.
6. Trying to disrupt relationships suggesting that your friends and family don't understand, appreciate, or love you - but the abuser can.
7. They know things about you that you didn't tell them, because they've done their research.
8. They seem to know when and where you are online. They say I know you were online because I saw your posts or they are always showing up in the same chatroom.

http://www.digital-trust.org/
Mad Poster
#39 Old 24th Jan 2016 at 9:17 PM
I found this article interesting for fleshing out the profile. There are a lot of attributes which could be explained away. I don't think, for example, that everyone who is helpful is a predator. Look at the larger picture and pay careful attention to those who try to manipulate the emotions in any way.

This part was especially interesting
Quote:
True narcissists, or even those with severe narcissistic tendencies, will make you feel as if you are the most important and special person in the world, “then emotionally distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.” A very dangerous thing about people like this is that they are incapable of empathy, but they fake it very, very well. And therein is where the difficulties lies. They are so very believable. They are so very charming. They seem so loving and caring and seem to be opening up, but it’s all a facade. A very convincing facade.


https://omgrey.wordpress.com/2011/1...xual-predators/

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
#40 Old 26th Jan 2016 at 10:54 PM
So....how do we tell the children? They think they're so cool and hip. They think they can handle anything that comes their way. With their openness and romantic notions....how can we protect them? How do we get their attention? There's a lot of young people here at this site and there's really no one to look out for them.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Top Secret Researcher
#41 Old 27th Jan 2016 at 1:10 AM
Maybe start a group based around learning to spot predators online? Or one centered around the younger people on the site, like the Teen Club, and use that to spread the message.

Maybe it would be interesting to teach people about all forms of internet safety, not just the catfishes. I mean, scams are a related problem, but there's also malware. For that matter, it could also branch out to non-web relationships and how to stay safe in those.

So... maybe something that not only tells the younger people about these problems, but gets them actively involved in stopping it and spreading the word. I mean, it's easier to remember something when you teach it than when you learn it. Something like a club for Young Crusaders for Internet Safety? Or maybe a relationships club where people talk about having relationships, how to make them work, and what's healthy or not. Or there's no reason we couldn't do both, except for the time involved in managing it.

My MTS writing group, The Story Board
Banned
#42 Old 10th Feb 2016 at 8:19 PM
Well this group is screwed for sure.
 
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