This chapter has some sexual references that might be uncomfortable for some readers, but it's basically PG.
I hope it both condemns and redeems Emilio in your eyes. :]
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Okay, so maybe I wasn’t exactly honest when I said I was okay with Emilio’s past. One thing I had come to find out was that he’d had several sexual partners, whereas I’d had none. Sean had been my only other boyfriend, and we’d been waiting for marriage.

Emilio insisted that he’d turned over a new leaf, and he had never tried to make that kind of move on me. But as much as he tried to respect me, it only made me feel like he wasn’t interested in me that way. I wanted him to see me as sexy, as the type of girl he desired.

So, I went through this period of feeling unsexy. To make up for it, I dressed sexy, did my makeup heavier, whatever I thought would make guys look at me in that way; especially Emilio. Every time we went out I’d wear a short skirt, or low cut top. The poor boy was drooling over me, but that’s what I wanted, right?

This had been going on for most of the semester, and Kelli was getting worried about me.

“What’s up with your new look?” she asked me one day, as I was getting ready for another date with Emilio.



“What do you mean? I look good,” I replied.

“You know what I mean Kat. You’re dressing too sexy, that skirt is like… a headband. That’s not like you.”

“How do you know what I’m like?!” I snapped. “I’m not a helpless little girl anymore and it’s time for me to stop acting like one.”



“Kat, you know what I mean. You’ve changed. I’m just worried that you aren’t really happy.”

“Happy? I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I have a man who loves me and thinks I’m sexy,” I insisted.

“You’re sexier without all the makeup and glitzy clothes, can’t you see that? Now you just look… skanky,” she tried to reason with me.



“Whatever Kelli! You’re just jealous!” I shouted, as my phone beeped. Emilio was here to pick me up.

“If you ever need to talk I’m…”

I walked out of the room before she could finish and met Emilio downstairs.
“Hey baby, you look amazing tonight,” he said, pulling me into his arms for a kiss.



Now that he had graduated and was working full time, Emilio liked to take me dancing on his nights off. He said it helped him relieve stress from working all day. I liked to dance, so it was no problem.

As sexy as my new outward appearance was, I still didn’t have the inner confidence to be a true vixen. It wasn’t as easy as putting on a different outfit. The only way I knew how to make up for it was by drinking. One night in particular we were at a bar and I was drinking my typical cocktail.



I was already a few gone when I felt the alcohol hit me. I glanced over at Emilio and thought he was looking especially hot tonight.



He pulled out on the dance floor and started swaying to the music. It must have been a mixture of alcohol and music, but I wanted him real bad and was showing him through my dance moves.



I don’t remember anything else at the club, or the ride home, I just remember suddenly finding myself in Emilio’s room, making out on his bed. There was music playing, and dim light, but that’s all I could say about that night. I couldn’t focus on anything other than the burning desire I was feeling.



I could feel his rough hands on my skin and realized my clothes were gone, so were most of his. I knew what was about to happen, and I didn’t care. We’d never gone past second base before, but I was too buzzed to be self conscious about him seeing me naked.



But Emilio suddenly drew himself back.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, starting to feel my self-consciousness creep up on me.

“Kat, I want you so bad… but, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he said.

“You’re not, I want to be with you.”



“But…” he started to protest, but I pulled him under the blankets with me.
That’s the last thing I remember before blacking out.



The next morning, I awoke in Emilio’s bed, wondering how I got there. Images of the night before flashed through my mind. I looked down and saw my discarded clothes on the floor.



‘Oh no, did we… have sex?’ I thought frantically as I grabbed my things and got dressed.

Emilio was still asleep and I didn’t want to face him in my distress. If we had done it, I didn’t want him to think I regretted it. I searched the room for any clue. Emilio was still wearing his boxers and t-shirt, but that didn’t tell me anything. I needed a sign of whether or not we’d slept together. I thought to check the sheets, but I didn’t know what I was looking for. Blood I guess, weren’t girls supposed to bleed their first time? I took a peek under the covers, but there were no stains.

I didn’t know what else to look for, so I just grabbed my purse and left his apartment.

At home, I realized I was starving, so I grabbed a bowl of cereal. I didn’t think Kelli was home, so I didn’t bother changing clothes first.

Unfortunately for me, Kelli was home and heard me rustling around in the kitchen. She joined me with a bowl of cereal.



“Didn’t you come home last night?” she asked, looking me over.

“Of course I did,” I insisted.

“Then why are you wearing the same clothes you left in yesterday?”

She was too perceptive. I rolled my eyes and told her I’d stayed at Emilio’s place.



“Oh my gosh! Did you guys finally have sex?”

“How is that any of your business?” I snapped at her.

“Kat, why can’t you tell me things anymore?” she asked. “We’re best friends. I just thought you might want to talk about it. Did something bad happen last night?”



“I don’t know!” I slammed my spoon down, frustrated. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I walked out onto the porch to get some air.

I stood there staring into the distance, unaware that Kelli had joined me until I felt her hand on my shoulder.



“I don’t know what happened last night,” I said. “I drank too much and blacked out. I think we had sex, but I couldn’t tell. I left without waking him this morning.”

“Oh honey, it’s okay. Everyone has a drunken night or two in college. You love Emilio, and you can ask him what happened next time you see him.”

“But, I’m not ready for our relationship to become dependent on sex! I was supposed to wait until I got married. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past 5 years, and I could have ruined it all in one night, just because I was playing with fire! I’m so stupid!”

“You’re not stupid! You’re human!” Kelli comforted me, telling me sex wouldn’t rule us if we really loved each other. We had a good laugh over the story of me checking the sheets for stains, and I promised to start acting like the old me again.



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To take my mind off everything, I threw myself into my new internship. It was a couple of weeks before I saw Emilio again, because our schedules were clashing a lot now.



We were having a pajama movie night at my place and were cuddled up on my bed. Pretty soon we weren’t watching the movie anymore, and started making out instead. I felt so uncomfortable! Did he want to have sex? If we’d done it before, he probably wanted to do it again. He wasn’t trying to undress me or anything, but I still needed to know what happened that night and he was the only other person that could tell me.

I pulled myself away from him.



“Emilio, did we have sex the other night?” I asked blatantly.

He looked uncomfortable. “I was meaning to ask you the same thing. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? I drank too much and passed out. You have to know, I need to know what happened!” I said, panicking.

“Well, the last thing I remember from that night was you pulling on my shorts… But I don’t remember anything else. I thought you would.”

“So, neither of us knows what happened?” I started to cry, not knowing if I’d missed the most important night of life.

“Kat, we love each other. It doesn’t matter if we did or didn’t. There’s no way to tell now. Let’s just say we didn’t, and we can wait again until we’re really ready and not drunk.”

“Really? Cause I don’t think I’m ready.”

“That’s fine,” he said, kissing my hand sweetly. “I can wait until you are. I have the rest of my life to be with you, there’s no rush.”



The rest of his life? I got butterflies in my stomach when he said that, it was so sweet. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him too. He was both exciting and sweet; it doesn’t get better than that.
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Up Next: Kat's graduation brings about a big question.