**This is the third time I've tried to upload this chapter. I have to access this site through a proxy server (no idea why, I'm not blocked) so it's been very difficult to upload. Sorry for the delay!**



The months following Madeline’s death were the hardest days of Todd’s life. It took everything he had just to get out of bed in the morning and live another day. He did the best he could at raising Hope on his own but it was so hard. Every time Hope would say ‘mama’ Todd would break down all over again. He would look around the house at all of their memories and think of Madeline. “I miss you so much, baby.” he would say to her photo. He prayed every night after he tucked Hope into bed that Madeline would come back to them somehow.
“It will get better,” his friends would say, “get out and meet new people.” Todd had no intentions of finding someone new. The thought of replacing Madeline made him physically ill. He was planning to spend the rest of his life with her and now she was gone. He sometimes wished that he would die too, so he could be with her again. He knew he had to be strong for Hope but it was so difficult. As hard as it was, he somehow made it through that year… taking each day one step at a time.



Although Madeline’s memory never faded in his heart, the days did get easier. He continued to work at the restaurant, sometimes bringing Hope with him. She loved to come back in the kitchen and watch him cook. “I’m going to be a chef one day, too, daddy.” she would say. Todd took her to the movies, shopping, and of course to the park. He spent every minute of his free time with Hope, taking her places and teaching her things. He liked to imagine that Madeline was with them, smiling as they had fun together.



At work one afternoon, Todd was in his office getting ready to go home. Tracy came in to say hello and they chatted for a few moments.
“So what are you and Hope getting into today?” Tracy asked.
Todd smiled as he packed this things. “She wants me to take her to town shopping. She says she needs a new dollhouse, although I have no idea where we’ll put it.”
Tracy smiled. “Girls need things, Todd.” she laughed. She then looked at him with concern. “Todd, have you ever thought about moving into a bigger place? It seems like you and Hope are getting a little cramped in that trailer.”
Todd stopped what he was doing. He looked down at his papers as tried to fight back tears.
Tracy saw that something was wrong. “Todd? Are you ok? Did I say something?” she said.
Todd continued to look down. “The day Madeline died, she and I were supposed to buy a house.” he said with sadness in his voice. “Our dream house in the country, she said. Just like on TV.” A tear fell down Todd’s face. He quickly wiped it away.
Tracy put her hand on his back. “Oh my god, Todd, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that or I wouldn’t have said…”
He picked his head up and took a deep breath. “It’s okay, Tracy. I never told anyone else about it.” He started packing his briefcase again.
She helped him get his papers straight. “So, is that why you’re still at the trailer?” She asked.
Todd kept his head down. The thought of moving scared him. He was supposed to buy that house for Madeline and she wasn’t here anymore. He couldn’t leave her at the trailer, all of those memories. What if he started to forget? What if Madeline just became a memory from the past and nothing more?



He lifted up his briefcase. “I’m still there because Madeline is there. I can’t leave her.” He started toward the door.
Tracy followed him. “Todd, you know I’m your best friend, and I love you, right?”
Todd stopped walking, looked down at his feet with his back to her and nodded.
She continued. “You can’t stay in the trailer forever. Hope needs a real home. A stable home, with you. You will never leave Madeline, Todd. You’ll never lose her memory. She’ll go with you, wherever you go.”
Todd started wiping the tears from his eyes. Tracy reached out to him and he turned around. She put her arms around him while he laid his head on her shoulder and cried.



That night, after he put Hope to bed, Todd thought about what Tracy had said. He sat down on the living room couch in silence. What if she’s right? He thought. He knew Hope needed a real home. He looked around the room, at the pictures of him and Madeline hanging on the wall. He thought about the first time she kissed him, right there in front of the couch. He felt a lump in his throat.
He stood up and walked to the kitchen. “Ugh,” he said, sadly, “I just can’t do it.” He stood in the entrance to the kitchen looking at the table. He remembered all the meals he fixed for her, all the beautiful conversations they’d had there. Tears were coming to his eyes again. “Damn it, Madeline, I can’t let you go.”
He kept walking through the house to the bedroom. He thought about the first time they made love, the day they conceived their daughter. He remembered when she left him and then how happy he was the day she came back. “I’ll never forget those days, Madeline.” He looked over at her picture on the wall, hung over her urn next to the bed. He walked over to it and looked up at her face. “I still love you so much,” he said to her, “I’d give anything to have you back.” He touched her urn. “I know I should move on, everyone’s telling me it’s the right thing to do but I just can’t, Madeline. I’m so scared.” he put his head in his hands, tears coming down his face once again. “Please help me, Madeline, tell me what to do.”
He stood there crying when he felt a warm sensation come over him. Suddenly he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. He picked his head up and turned around quickly. “Madeline?” He said. No one was there. He held his breath as he looked around the room. “It is you.” he whispered. He exhaled, feeling refreshed, like he had new life put back into him. “Ok.” he said out loud. “I know what I need to do.”