Olivia screamed. She screamed until she was gasping for breath, shaking, sobbing, nauseous. She rocked herself back and forth, tears streaming down her face, crying "I killed him ... I killed him ... I killed him ..."


T'Kara's words came to mind, words she had told Olivia many times before. She'd said Olivia wasn't responsible for his death, that it was not her fault, that she'd done what she could. But T'Kara, and all the other counselors she'd had to talk to, knew nothing! He was dead because Olivia had failed, because she hadn't seen it coming, because she couldn't save him, because she hadn't tried hard enough!

She was a doctor, damn it, and she hadn't even been able to save her own fiancee!

How many times had she said she loved him? How many times had she assured him he was safe with her? How many? Not enough!


If she had just tried harder, maybe he would have had a fighting chance, maybe he wouldn't have given up!

And now ... Steve ...

She couldn't bear for it to happen again.

What was it that T'Kara had said, about not being able to let go? Why she still could not take off his ring, after ten years? But why should she let go?

Was it so she could be "free" to pursue other men? Was it so she could live a "fuller" life? Was it so she could forget her past and move on?

She would never forget him! He had been the world to her. He had meant everything. To simply ... discard ... his memory so she could continue her life was ... impossible. Even ten years later, he still had her heart, had everything of her. And she would let nothing, no one, take him away from her again.


Exhausted and sweating*, she crawled out of bed and collapsed against the side of it on the floor. The nausea from earlier had subsided once she calmed herself down a little. But she still felt drained, empty.

Slowly, she laid down on the floor, and surrendered to the exhaustion. There was really no use fighting now.


Sleep claimed her quickly.


"Sickbay to Dr. Hernandez."

Olivia groaned. Where ...

"Sickbay to Dr. Hernandez."

She groaned again and tried to sit up, but her back complained sharply.

"Dr. Hernandez!"


"What?!"

"Olivia, where are you?" Steve snapped. "Your shift started fifteen minutes ago!"

"Damn!" she exclaimed. "Damn ... damn it!" She looked at the chronometer.


Despite the pain from sleeping on the floor, she jumped up and threw on her uniform as fast as she could. She barely had her shoes on when she ran out the door.


Sickbays doors opened to Steve, standing arms crossed, waiting for her.

"It's about time."

"I - I'm - "

"You're the Chief Medical Officer, and this is the kind of example you set?"


"I'm never late!"

"Today you are! Twenty minutes!"

"I - "

"We talked about lateness in the department meeting yesterday, Olivia. The meeting that -"


"That, as I recall, you were late to."

"It's the only thing you recall about the meeting, too."

"I was - "

"I know you haven't been having seizures, Olivia, so you have no excuse. You weren't paying any attention at all."


"What business is it of yours what I was doing during the meeting?"

"So I suppose I should follow your example now, huh?"

"What?"


"You heard me. Now, I've had a long night, so I'd be more than grateful if you'd let me get out of here in a timely manner."

"You've had a long night?"

"Yes, I have. I've actually been working, not spending the night wandering around sickbay in my pajamas."

Olivia felt herself blush, and hid her face.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to go get some sleep."


"Go."

"Thank you," he said with more than a touch of sarcasm, and walked out.


"We should be arriving at Vulcan in approximately two hours, Captain."

"Any sign of a message from them yet, Ensign?"

"Negative, sir. Nothing from Vulcan."


"Any sign that their communications may be down, anything?"

"No sir, plenty of activity there. Just ... none for us."

"That's odd."


"Do you think something's wrong, sir?"

"Wrong?" He paused, thinking. "It's as if they aren't expecting us. We bring home two of their diplomats, and you'd think they'd expect us ..."

"Did Starfleet ever inform them that we would be the ones bringing them home?" Solkan asked.

"I - I suppose I don't know."


"Don't worry yourself, then, Captain. Worry is illogical when you don't have all the necessary facts."

"I suppose you're right."