Lesson 3 : Making It Interesting

Let's teach by example again.

"See Jane run. Run, Jane, run."

... >_>
How about this?

"Jane ran very fast. The police ran after her."
Not quite.
Here's a better one.

"Jane's feet pounded against the ground, her flipflop sandals lagging a bit behind and hitting the soles of her feet as they caught up. SLAP SLAP SLAP. She took a sharp left into a dark alley and kept going, straight for the chain-link fence at the end. Her breath was fog in the chilly air although sweat streaked down her forehead. The police were just behind her! Her lungs and her legs burned as she pushed her body, mentally reciting her mantra of "just a little bit further, just a little bit further!" She had half an ounce of an illegal substance in her pocket, and if she got caught it would mean serving 20 years in prison."

What have I done?
1. I described some of the things that you might see or imagine when you think of someone running.
2. I put in "sound words". Sometimes it's more effective to say "SLAP" than to say "Her shoes hit the back of her feet with a slapping noise."
3. I gave her a reason to be doing what she's doing--a motive.
4. I described what Jane is feeling as she runs, therefore helping you empathize with her character.
5. I did not repeat words. It's not very exciting to see that "Jane ran" and "The police ran" so you have to find good ways to tell the audience that they're running without saying "ran" all of the time.
6. I gave her a place to be running in. This way, the readers/audience can place her; she's not running in a big white void, she's running in a city.

*Also:
Don't overuse conjunctions like "and" and "or".
Don't try to link two sentences that don't really relate -- "Jane was a seemingly nice lady who owned several cats but most people didn't know that she also dealt drugs." probably would sound better written like this: "Jane was a seemingly nice lady who owned several cats. Most people didn't know that she also dealt drugs."


Try using some of these techniques in your story! Remember not to overdo it. Use simple sentences and descriptive sentences to complement each other.