I slept in the following morning til eleven. I still wasn't up to doing schoolwork, so I spent the afternoon sitting in my room, either on my computer or reading, as usual. Mum came in once or twice to check up on me and chat, and Adam came in at one point, wanting to know some MySpace layout codes that I'd deleted. Other than that, I was still trying to process the events of the past few days. I felt incredibly fatigued, worn out, deflated. I guess crying and screaming at your mother does that to you.
Eventually, it was time for us to meet at the hall once again, even though I know none of us would be discussing schoolwork. I turned up at the hall at the same time as Tamara. She looked as tired as I felt, even though normally she was full of energy.



"Hey, Tamara," I greeted her, offering a small smile, which she returned.
"Hi, Ellie," she said. "How are you going?"
I shrugged. "Yeah, same as a lot of us, I'm guessing."
Tamara nodded. "Mum actually started crying when she discovered we were out of bread today. I think it's starting to hit her, that Lou won't be the one behind the counter any more."
I nodded. "Yeah."
We went inside, and I was about to turn to the right to go into the youth room as usual, but heard soft voices coming from the general room. I backtracked, and looked inside to find everyone else was already there, sitting on the couches.
Amelia looked up and waved to me and Tamara. "We thought we'd sit in here today," she said as we entered and looked for spare seats. There was only one left, which Tamara took, while I ended up grabbing a chair from the chess table and adding it to the circle.



Everyone went sort of quiet, except for the occasional sigh or cough. Amelia spoke up, "I thought it would be a good idea if we all talked about what's happened. You know, like – like group therapy or whatever. We're all going to end up talking about it anyway, so I thought, well, while we're all here…we may as well…well…you know…talk." She trailed off, shrugging. It was unusual for Amelia to be lost for words.
She looked around the circle, willing someone to start, but no one wanted to be the first to talk. She looked, rather desperately, over at me.
I sighed. "I'll start," I volunteered. I picked a spot on the floor to talk to, since I didn't know who to look at while I spoke. Studying a design on the rug carefully, I said "Well, I was in the bathroom when everyone else heard the news, so I didn't quite get the full impact that everyone else did. But I do remember hearing Victoria." A few people nodded sympathetically, and I noticed Anastasia looked like she was about to cry. "That sound is one I'll remember, I think, for a very long time. Probably forever. It was just, that…you know. That scream. I think if someone could put the feelings of pain into one sound, that would be it. And then I finally came out, and Amelia came over and told me, and I could see Victoria crying, and Amelia told me she—"
I stopped suddenly, looking at Anastasia. "Does everyone know?" I asked quickly. She nodded.
"OK. Um…yeah. And then I found out she was pregnant, and it was just…everything at once. I couldn't believe it. All those clichés about wanting to wake up from a bad dream – they're all true. It was kind of surreal. And then to top it all off, some stuff happened last night. I can't really talk about it, but…it was pretty bad. Just, like, driving the nail in more and more, sort of thing."
I drew a shaky breath. "The thing that really struck me was hearing how it happened. How someone had taken the life of such a good, decent, kind person by firing a bullet into their body. How could someone do that?"
I let the rhetorical question hang as I sat back, indicating that I'd finished speaking, and was waiting for someone else to start.
"You wouldn't believe how it's affected my sister," Anastasia said abruptly, voice thick. "I've never seen her hurt so much. And it's hurting all of us, because we all saw how happy she was when she was with Lou. And now, she's like an empty shell. She's listless, and just spends all night sitting around, staring into space…she just randomly keeps bursting into tears for no reason. Dad's tried talking to her, but she doesn't listen. It's as though she's in a coma, or something…she even goes to sleep early, and gets up late. She used to be one of my best friends." The Guildenstern family had always been really tight-knit, and it was hard to imagine how they must be feeling now. "Now, she's…she's just not herself. Lou's died and taken half of Victoria with him."
She spoke this last sentence in the croaking, choking tone of someone about to burst into tears – which she did. Oswald put an arm around her shoulders.
We waited for someone else to talk. I was surprised when Tia, of all people, started speaking.



"He was a really good guy," she said. "I didn't always think that, but. Sometimes I thought he was just a killjoy. He found me and Jake in one of his change rooms once, and he looked all, like, disappointed. He said something about being too young, and to be careful and stuff. I just kind of went off at him, at the time. I thought he was just spoiling our fun. But now I can see he was looking out for me. Trying to protect me from stuff. I never saw that while he was alive, but now…I feel really guilty."
"I'm sure he understood," Amelia murmured.
Tia looked over at her in surprise. "What, so you're talking to me now?" she said bitterly.
Amelia looked straight at her. "I hardly think it's time to still be holding a grudge, when something so bad that affects all of us has happened," she said quietly. Tia just bit her lip and looked away, but I think she was grateful for it.
We continued sharing our experiences and memories with each other. Almost everyone had said something except for Mystery, Artemis and Hannah (although we all understood why she couldn't say much.)
Mystery opened her mouth and spoke. "If I smile and don't believe, soon I know I'll wake from this dream," she began. I steeled myself for a barrage of quotes, knowing that there would probably be many she could choose from, but she astounded us all when she kept speaking.
Normally.



"I didn't really know Lou all that well," she said, and we all gasped, knowing that there couldn't possibly be an Evanescence song with those lyrics. "I didn't go out of the house much. Except to come here. But I met him a few times, and he was really nice. I liked that. He didn't make fun of the way I spoke, or the way I dressed. He just accepted me for who I am."
Hannah made a noise in her throat at that point. We looked over to see her nodding slowly.
Mystery continued. "I was surprised to find out how much his death affected me. I was so depressed, and I thought I wouldn't be affected, because I spend so much time in my room with my music. But yeah. It surprised me. And I thought, if I react like this to someone I don't know all that well, how will I react when someone close to me dies?"
She shrugged. "I used to think death was cool. I thought I felt a connection with it. But now I see it was all a lie. I had a long chat with Artemis, and we've both decided to change. Death and sadness isn't fashionable any more. It's real, and it's ugly and awful and not at all cool."
Artemis nodded. "We're going to change."
Amelia looked astonished. "That's great," she said weakly. "Really."
Artemis looked at her. "Sorry for being so depressed all the time," he said quietly. "I'm not sure if it's affected how you're coping with…this…"
Amelia shook her head. "No," she said, smiling. She paused. "But it would really help if you took some actual lessons in playing the guitar."
Artemis smiled – an actual smile! I saw his teeth!—and nodded. "Yeah."
We all went quiet after that. I felt a little relieved, like I'd gotten something off my chest, but the feeling of tiredness still hung over me like a heavy cloud. Everyone else seemed to feel the same: sitting quietly, staring at the floor, thinking.
"Who's going to be running the store now?" Tamara asked quietly, of no one in particular.
Oswald answered. "Lou left it to Victoria in his will," he said, "but I still don't know what she's going to do."
Amelia bit her lip. "Look, I am fully aware of how she feels, and how she has to have time to grieve," she said gently. "But life has to go on, and people need to buy things from that store. Can you get through to her at all?"
Oswald nodded. "I can try."
"Why doesn't she let Lola and Adrianna run things for a while?" Adam suggested.
"I don't see why not," Amelia said. "They're still living there, after all."
Julian said, "I'm walking back that way after this, I can ask them."
"Isn't it still a crime scene?" I said.
"Not the top floor," Julian replied. "And anyway, even if it is still fenced off, I'll just yell." He caught my eye and smiled.
I smiled.
Tamara yawned and sighed. "I'm knackered," she announced. "I'm going to go home and get some rest, OK? Thanks, everyone."
We all murmured goodbye as she got up. I stood to move my chair out of the way, and soon all of us were standing up, saying our goodbyes and preparing to go home. Amelia came over and gave me another hug.



"What was it you couldn't talk about?" she asked me seriously. "You can tell me."
"No, I can't," I said, shaking my head. "I'm sorry. It's nothing against you. It's…it's something I swore to someone else that I wouldn't say."
She nodded slowly. "That's alright," she said. "Want me to drive you home? I brought the car."
I smiled gratefully. "Thanks," I said, accepting her offer and leaving the hall.