The Norrisized Patternizer

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Uploaded: 1st Apr 2012 at 9:34 AM
Updated: 1st Apr 2012 at 10:53 PM
Oh no! Your in-laws are on their way over, and your house is a wreck! The paint is peeling, your toilet is acting as a makeshift armchair, and there's syrup EVERYWHERE! What an impossible predicament, right?


You obviously haven't heard of the amazing Norrisized Patternizer!

Watch! We've taken your broken down, dilapidated, horrifically trashed and nearly uninhabitable disgrace of a home...

Added some Norrisized Patternizer, and viola... have a room to make your in-laws rethink their entire catalog of misgivings about your character and obvious unsuitability as a life partner for their precious offspring.

Can the Norrisized Patternizer really do all that? Of course, it can! The secret is in the Roundhouse Science.

The Norrisized Patternizer is scientifically formulated from the trace amounts of Chuck Norris DNA retrieved from the jaws and temples of the vast array of his roundhouse victims. This DNA has been combined with ordinary patterns to create 24 superhuman patterns with the ability to change the very molecular structure of anything to which it is applied.

Walls instantly become load-bearing, rugs and floors become untraversable (no one walks all over Chuck Norris), and people become more attractive and impervious to falling space debris.

Supplies are not limited, but why wait? Get your own Norrisized Patternizers today and see for yourself the transforming powers of the Chuck.

Additional Credits:
Sionelle, thank you, thank you, thank you!! This set would not be possible without you running these through the Pattern Packager for me (and then re-running them, and re-running them some more.) You're an angel!

And thanks also to the rest of the Ranchies. You guys are a hoot!