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Apologies of Men
Back to: Hart to Hart Next: Curiosity
Chapter 50: Apologies of Men

Alanna…”

The way he said her name was delightfully lascivious. It rolled off his tongue, originating from his voice which was as deep as a chasm. Instead of the indifferent, impersonal, tone that usually marked his words–there was a myriad of emotion caught in it. Adoration. Longing. Sincerity. He didn’t need to say anything more. Franz approached her, swept her off her feet as easily as if she was a piece of paper, and allowed her to taste that voice of his. He was strong, warm, and in that moment, she knew he loved her.


“Three pints of blood.”

Alanna blinked.


She was no longer wrapped up in the scene her imagination had conjured. Instead, she found herself at her Wednesday afternoon class in the lecture hall. The professor had brought in a fake cadaver to demonstrate whatever he was teaching that day.

“This is how much a body loses and then goes into level 4 hemorrhage shock. A transfusion must happen or else the patient will die,” her professor reached into the cadaver and yanked out a plastic heart that was apparently made of some kind of squishy material as he squeezed it. Of course, no blood or other bodily fluids seeped out but it got the point across, “the heart can’t pump fast enough to replenish lost plasma at that point.”

Alanna had been finding herself drifting more and more into daydreams as of late. She was usually alert–taking notes, and asking questions. She was ashamed to admit it, but she didn’t even know entirely what the professor was talking about now because had started out the lecture on blood pathogens. She looked down at her notebook, and saw all she had been doing was etching hearts in the margins and had incomplete notes but for one clear line reading ‘blood should stay in the body

She sighed and glanced at the clock on the back wall and saw it was already time to go! Lectures sure did fly by when her mind was racing about other things.

“Be sure to read the section on blood types, transfusions, and diseases before the next session,” the professor reminded the class as they began to pack up their books and bags.


Alanna stayed seated for a few more moments, still musing that it was no surprise the predominant ‘thing’ on her mind was her best friend. Dreaming up scenarios of confessions of love, either by both or one of them. If not that, it was imagining their first kiss. Alanna had kissed boys before…well rather a boy. However, that was when she was 15 and it wasn’t serious. What she felt for Franz now, was unlike any other feeling in her body she had ever experienced.

She was in love with him.

After talking to her brother more about it, without naming names, she had come to the conclusion it had to be love. Nothing had driven her heart to beat so fast or feel so tight in her chest just from thinking about someone. She could usually navigate her thoughts with clarity but now they were just a disorganized jumble injected with a heavy dose of feelings as soon as she thought about Franz.

“Oh, Miss Thackery!” the Professor called as she slipped her backpack straps over her shoulders. She turned her head over her shoulder and saw him gesturing for her to join him at the floor where he stood. She nodded and joined him next to the cadaver model, while her classmates shuffled out of the hall and onto their next classes or naps.

“What do you need, Professor?” she asked curiously, hoping her lack of focus was not noticeable or causing an issue. Maybe it was a good thing she had never been so in love before, because she didn’t see how she could have completed high school if she had been struck with such a distracting affliction.

Her professor didn’t seem at all offended she hadn’t asked a single question during the lecture, he instead began speaking with great animation, “The medical studies program will be taking applications here in the next few weeks for students interested in doing their next semester abroad. Only a handful are selected and I think you would make an excellent candidate and would be willing to endorse you.”

Alanna beamed, feeling very flattered that her professor would not only single her out to tell her about the program but endorse her as well.

“I’m honored! What does it consist of? Where would I go if chosen?”

"It varies from year to year–the committee is still finalizing the location, however it’s a great opportunity few get to have, and I’d ask you to consider it. Not only would you be able to continue your studies but receive hands-on experience in helping patients in another area of the world!”


“That sounds amazing! Yes! I will definitely apply for it when I see the announcement. Thank you for letting me know about it,” Alanna’s smile grew even wider as she left the lecture hall and emerged into the building lobby. She took a moment to sit down and giddily think about travelling out of the region, being immersed in another culture while helping those who needed it. She pulled out her phone, immediately checking her text messages to see if Franz had sent anything and to her delight there was one unread message from an hour before but she hadn’t seen it since she had been in class. She hadn’t heard from him since she had visited him at his dorm and eagerly pressed the view button.

Franzster: Hey, thanks for the flowers. Mom really loved them.

She flashed a grin at her phone screen, even more delighted to hear that her flowers were appreciated. She had decided to send them over after hearing about Ms. Schoulsburg being in the hospital. She still was very devastated that his mother was ill and that their family bakery was going to be sold. She flashed a grin and typed out a response before she knew Franz had a chance to turn off his phone and therefore, not respond for a few hours.

Alanna Thackery: I’m so glad! How is she doing? How are you?

She tapped her foot, hoping he was around his phone to answer. She hadn’t realized until the last couple of days but she really hadn’t talked to him all that much since school started compared with previous years–so made a mental note to reach out more often and not get as lost in studying as she had been. Her phone made a noise, indicating that it received a text and she crossed her leg over the other, smiling as she opened the reply from Franz.


Franzster: She’s still there. Hopefully, they will let me take her out this weekend. Sorry, but I have to go. I am pulling all the shifts at the bakery this week in her absence.

Alanna Thackery: Hopefully! I’ll chat with you later. Have a great day!

She put her phone back into her pocket as she stood up, feeling slightly disheartened they couldn’t continue their chat. She could always retreat into her thoughts-turned-daydreams and imagine what else they could talk about but it wasn’t the same. She needed to try and concentrate anyway. She decided to head over to the campus library, she had a few books she’d been meaning to check out for her studies and she had a whole section to read before next class, as the professor had assigned.

Alanna thought that maybe, she had enough books as she straightened her shoulders and climbed the stairs to the upper floor of the library, the weight of her backpack nearly pulled her backward. She needed to remember to empty her bag before her next class, otherwise there’d be no more room left!


She came upon the bookshelf that supposedly contained the title she had been wanting to check out when she noticed a familiar redhead sitting at the study table directly across from it.

“How’s your robot holding up?” She approached the table and crossed her arms; she tried not to let any enmity seep into her words.


Shane seemed to jump at being addressed publicly, coming out of a particular intense stare of boredom or so it seemed. He had a blank piece of loose-leaf paper in front of him. If he was doing a writing assignment, he was failing miserably.

The redhead turned his bored stare to Alanna and quirked a brow as if to ask her why she bothered addressing him, “It’s just fine.”

“Good,” she said a bit indignantly, because if anything went wrong with it, she had no doubt Shane would have blamed her for it. She was still miffed that he hadn’t thanked her for staying to help the other night. She figured he was a bit like his father in that respect.

She’d been exposed to the Calhouns because they had lived on the same street as her family growing up. Alanna didn’t like to throw around mean words but Mr. Calhoun was a bit of a…well…a butt head. She had seen him out in his yard when she was younger, watering his garden but then spraying water at any stray animals that happened to walk by. They were the same animals that she would leave out food for in case they were hungry. She felt bad, like it was her fault they got sprayed because they wouldn’t have been there in the first place if they didn’t expect food. What really made her burn with anger was that Mr. Calhoun had the nerve to chuckle when the poor cats or dogs went skittering off in the opposite direction, shaking cold water from their fur. She stopped feeding strays after two whole summers of that behavior.

It reminded her that Mr. Calhoun was running for mayor and he certainly didn’t have her vote. People who treated other living things with such disdain didn’t deserve to be in any kind of position of power.

She began to search the bookshelf for the book she wanted but heard Shane clear his throat from behind her.

She whipped around with a slight frown but found he had kicked out the chair next to him and nodded toward it as if she should sit. She did so, but with suspicion–'welcoming' was not an adjective she would use to describe the redhead. He wasn’t outright mean, but his demeanor was that of an intellectual snob–people, it seemed, were all just too stupid to waste his time interacting with.

She pulled the straps of her backpack off her shoulders so she wasn’t sitting so awkwardly, letting it to the ground with a slight ‘thump’. She met Shane's gaze to see what he wanted.

“So, I forgot to thank you the other night,” he leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees, his eyes were intensely serious though; they seemed to want to dart to anywhere else than hers but held firm nonetheless. Alanna’s brows hiked upward in surprise that he was acknowledging it. “I’m sorry, I just don’t usually get help for that sort of thing and forgot. So, thanks for helping me figure out what was wrong–maybe now I’ll beat out Orbinson to get into the tournament.”

Alanna shook her head back and forth, suddenly confused, “What do you mean ‘beat out?’ I thought all the robots get a chance to participate?”

“Well no, not at the regional level. Each college picks one robot to send to compete. You can tell the other members at SSU don’t take it seriously enough since they left for break instead of working on their builds. Only Orbinson and I really have the chance to compete, but that’s just my opinion,” Shane explained, and his serious stare was interrupted by a few crinkles at their edges as he grinned.


Alanna had never actually been in an official robotics program before and her brother never mentioned that he always beat out his classmates to complete at the regional competitions. She bit her lip in worry, now wondering if she had unfairly given Shane the advantage as he wouldn’t have figured out what was wrong with his robot without her. Then again, she’d given advice to Reggie as well that bettered his build. Perhaps she should have just kept her mouth shut. Her brow creased, remembering how Reggie had seemed annoyed with her advice, probably wishing would have kept it shut in the first place.

“What’s wrong?” Shane asked, seeing the unusual expression, well it was unusual for Alanna–the human personification of sunshine.

She took in a breath and released her frown, settling her expression back to a Franz-like neutral.

“Nothing. You’re welcome. Glad I could help,” though her tone wasn’t indicative of gladness. She picked her backpack up and slung one strap on her shoulder, trying to keep herself balanced from tipping in the other direction because of all the books in it. Curs-ed Newton’s laws! “Good luck with the competition, Shane.”

“Hey wait,” he said and paused while she turned around, regarding him with slight annoyance. She had things to do and didn’t feel like chit-chatting with her old high school rival.

“What?”

“Are you sure you can’t join the robotics program? I mean, it’d be nice to feel challenged again,” he asked and then added the last part in that arrogant tone he always seemed to have.

Alanna grinned sarcastically and narrowed her eyes, shaking her head, “Reggie doesn’t challenge you enough?”

“Orbinson does all right but he lacks imagination. You always had it.”

At that rare compliment, her grin transformed into something genuine and a bit regretful, “Sorry, I have too much going on with my coursework to dedicate time to building tech anymore.” Especially if she needed to do the work required to get into that program that the Professor told her about.

“Well, maybe you should stop by more often to see what is being worked on since you’ve managed that much,” Shane suggested.

“Why? Are you running out of ideas?” she teased.

He made a doubtful scoff at the back of his throat in response and rolled his eyes; this was the kind of banter they’d always had in high school when the science fair came around every year.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she chuckled, “Anyway, I have to get a book and get back to studying.”

“Same,” Shane gestured to his unwritten paper and promptly turned around but looked back over his shoulder with the same slight grin, “See you around.”

She nodded and quickly scanned the row of book spines, grabbing the one she was looking for in the first place. She saw some others near it that piqued her interest but feeling that literal weight on her shoulders reminded her she didn’t have room for all of them. She frowned in thought, trying to solve her dilemma and came to the conclusion she would get the books she wanted and she would just carry the rest in her arms if need be.

She emerged from the library triumphant. She had her books, and now she was…

“Heeeeey Alanna,” she nearly jumped as her train of thought went reeling off the track. She balled her fist and looked up to see Reggie of all people, smiling at her.


She blinked a few times and relaxed her posture before replying, “Hello Reggie.”

What a coincidence she should have run into him right after thinking about him. He had his messenger-style bag slung over his chest and adjusted the strap as he said, “You going off to study?”

“Yeah actually, just had to pick up some books first,” she bobbed her head to indicate the stack she was carrying.

“You need help?” he offered.

“Thanks, but I can manage,” she started walking down the sidewalk toward the campus coffee shop. She liked to study there during the weekday afternoons. The library was too stiff, her dorm room was too crowded–but the sofas and the table in the corner of the coffee shop were quiet and cozy.

“H-Hey, I…I wanted to say that I was sorry for snapping at you the other night,” she heard him say from behind her. She hadn’t realized he was following her, and looked over her shoulder to see his sheepish expression. He was nervously running his hands through his dark hair, mussing it one way, then the other while he looked at the ground, “I actually took your suggestion and installed an audio component lower on the bot.”


She stopped walking, and felt the light autumn breeze bluster past them. She’d had two guys apologize to her the same day about what happened in the same night–three if she counted Franz's apology text but for an unrelated thing. Timing was an odd thing. She turned around fully but not with her usual smile, “Thanks, I accept your apology, but I have to know–why were you so short with me? If you went ahead and took my advice, it surely wasn’t because my ideas were bad?”

Reggie shook his head, “No, I just got overwhelmed–it’s not every day someone shows that much of an interest or knowledge in one of my hobbies.”

“So, your first reaction is to push them away?”

Reggie only knotted his brows in thought as a reply and Alanna continued on her way. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time Reggie had pushed her away. Reggie was the only boy she had ever kissed, and she had felt strongly for him at the time and thought he felt the same. He never called after, and it didn’t help that she had told him she only pretended to like him in exchange for Evelyn Jane spilling the secrets of her scheming in the Battle of the Bands. She had told Franz the same thing, however Franz saw through her lie and reached out–he questioned her–Reggie wasn’t brave enough or didn’t care enough to try. Poor Reggie was collateral damage, and that to some degree, was why Alanna felt she owed it to him to try being friends again.

But he made it difficult sometimes.

She was walking up to the coffee shop entrance when Reggie bolted past her and leaned on the door as she was about to open it. She frowned and pressed her lips together, silently questioning why he was blocking her way.


“Listen, I really am sorry and I’ll make it up to you,” he grinned with a hint of hope.

“Oh? How?” she arched a brow.

“There’s a meteor shower on Friday night. I can bring my telescope and we could watch it together at the Old Sim State Tower. I’ll bring snacks, some chairs, and we can stargaze the night away. How does that sound?”

She did like stargazing. Had she told him that before? She probably had back in high school when they were chemistry partners; they used to have very long, productive conversations when they had been friends, and she did miss that. Franz, though they talked together often, wasn’t one to hold such lengthy, personal, conversations.

She mulled the idea over in her head, “That sounds lovely, I’d accept that as an apology too.”

Her answer sent Reggie’s smile to its broadest yet and he removed himself from the door, opening it and gesturing she should go inside, away from that chilly autumn breeze.

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